Why Does It Hurt?

Words can be the deadliest of weapons, the most grieving attacks to the human heart, mind, and soul –the cause of the most pain, suffering, and doubt.

Whether or not the words are true, they hurt. They are like darts piercing even through the most calloused heart, the most trained mind, and the strongest soul. They launch at the very being, the core of who we are, and at our very identity. Who we are becomes insignificant, a bother, worthless, and a waste. Even when others try to console us or our logic denies the legitimacy of the attacks, somehow the words echo and take over our thinking, paralyzing our judgment and crippling our efficacy.

Why is it so easy to fall to these attacks? Why is it so easy to believe the words? Why does it hurt?

Because deep down inside, we cannot deny our sinful nature –and our flesh and the enemy like to take advantage of this confession. We know that even if those exact words and accusations were not true, surely we must be guilty of something. And trust me: satan is quick to remind us of our failures, of our vulnerabilities, and of our struggles. He craves to have us dwell on them. If he cannot get us to fall, he will get us to become enslaved to a fearful victim mentality. As so powerfully said in a sermon I heard recently, “the fight for faith is the fight for joy.” Darkness wants us to lose our efficiency for the Kingdom –and it starts by stealing our joy.

So what can we do?

No, we are not to deny our human frailty, our double mindedness, our sinful nature and desires. Rather, we are actually supposed to admit and confess them. But confessions are not the last step –they are only the first. These should become our testimony, our indication to the world of the general need for Christ, and a declaration of His amazing power and love. Our brokenness then only becomes an opportunity for Christ to work and for us to declare His glory (from Standing Firm by Donna Partow).

If you are battling the hurt of words today, remember who you are IN THE LORD. Don’t turn to your own worth or accomplishments because those do not stand. Any things we view as good in our lives are but rags in the eyes of a holy God (Isaiah 64:6). Rather, place your worth and boast in Jesus Christ alone: “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (II Cor. 12:9). The next time someone tells or makes you feel you are worthless, tell them it is true BUT that Christ has made you worthy through the power of His blood in His perfect sacrifice. “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (II Cor. 4:7). Our lives, our accomplishments, our growth, and our prides are but jars of clay –they shatter so easily! But God can still use them because He wants and chooses to –because to Him goes all the glory and praise. “So that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord’” (I Cor. 1:31).

"No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that will rise against you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, says the LORD." -Is. 54:17

THERE IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS

The Shadow of Death

“We as Americans are so blessed and do not have to fear death as much as so many children do around the world,” I commented to the small group of young girls gathered around me at the fire pit. “But a lot of times it feels like we are dying inside –and that can be just as scary.” Several of the girls nodded their heads at me. I could see their thoughts racing, remembering challenging situations their young years had already seen.

It’s true. Dying inside is scary.

It’s as if we were walking, alone and aimless, through a forest of deep, swallowing green, with no clear path but briars and thorns instead catching at our bare arms. It feels like darts are being thrown at our heart, at our very being, or at what we love most –but no one else can really see them.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

This often quoted Psalm used to always make me think of desperate physical situations: soldiers surrounded by the enemy, struggling just to stay alive and committed to their country; a child fighting for his life after being hit by a car; or an elderly person slipping away from this world into eternity. But now I know. Death is not always what is seen or broadcasted on the news. Being challenged by the people we love, making life-impacting decisions, and choosing the narrow path of Christ –all these can make us feel like we are dying inside.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me.

Contrary to an often believed myth of our comfort-loving culture, Christ never promised us an easy road. In fact, usually when an individual approached Him about the possibility of following Him, Jesus challenged this person immediately: it would be hard and possibly life-threatening.  His followers are to love nothing above Christ; their commitment to Christ must come first –and this requirement could mean much, much sacrifice. Possessions, comfort, family, desires, dreams, always being right, always getting the last word, and life itself -these no longer had first priority. In Standing Firm, Donna Partow states to her readers, “We want to live in a world where one plus one always equals two; a place where IF you do this, THEN you get that. Sadly, that’s not the real world.” And, though, we are no longer of this world, we are definitely still in its dark, sinful, hurtful environment. In fact, Christ followers ATTRACT the darts of evil (John 15:19).

YET, even in the valley of the shadow of death, He is there. “Even there will Your hand lead me, and Your right hand will hold me” (Psalm 139:10). When we think God is not at work, HE IS –it’s simply that His thoughts are not ours but higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9). Somehow, He is speaking as much as ever, just not in the words, language, or volume we may think or prefer. A stranger’s prayer, a startling message, a quiet sense of peace by the pond in the evening, a surprise in the mail–He is at work. 

23 and Counting

A week ago, I turned 23.

The halfway point of summer is rushing past us –humid days and crickets singing; birds chirping early and warm, subtle breezes; new songs on the radio and endless adventures. My birthday came and went, once again, full of surprises and memories, cards and wishes. I’ve reached twenty-three –I’m in the middle of what my parents always said was the age they missed the most.

George Eliot was right: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” I am amazed by God’s faithfulness. Ever since I can remember, all I’ve wanted to do was play with horses and write, write, WRITE. Growing up brought a variety of interests that at times seemed to be unrelated tangents to my life plan. They took me on journeys here and there, but I believe they were firmly part of God’s overall plan, growth, and formation of me. Yet, He kept drawing me back to my first loves: horses and the pen. Little by little, far after I thought my time was past, He opened doors of opportunities I never thought I would have. Yet, He proved loud and clear that Amy Carmichael’s words were true. “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires He creates.”

In the past year, my horse-related opportunities have only continued. Volunteering at my local horse ministry and horse sitting before or after work have served as a continual reminder of where my heart truly lies. What is my job then now, when I cannot fully pursue this calling it seems? I am required to be faithful now and take advantage of all the opportunities present at the moment, fully trusting the Lord to continue to open further doors if He so chooses to be glorified so.

I do not know what my future holds. In a world of pain and adversity, I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Every breath, really, is a gift. In fact, the Bible encourages me to number my days and handle them wisely (Proverbs 90:12). However, I know that 24 will bring me only more testimonies of God’s faithfulness.

Today, I am 23, only left humbled –and counting His abundant works of faithfulness.