What I Found Was Freedom

We humans like to fit sin into a box –a box that makes sense to us, a box that fits our agendas, our feelings, or our own sense of right and wrong. It’s hard for us to comprehend what exactly God’s holiness entails and how it should impact our view of ourselves…and of sin and salvation.

Recently, I began attending a women’s Bible study group with the sole purpose of diving more into the Word of God, challenging my “Bible knowledge,” and developing relationships with more mature women. Little did I know that my menial motivations would be surpassed by the Lord’s grand desire to transform me and provide for me exactly the truth I needed for this time in my life.  While His way in this is nothing out of the ordinary for Him and is only a small sample of His plan and work, I stand amazed that it offers a picture of how He teaches and prepares us for just what we need in His most perfect, beautiful timing.

The focus of our Bible study this semester was the book of Galatians. Before we began, I knew it was one of Paul’s letters and I could reference a few notes I had previously made in the margins of my Bible there. But the depth of its truths and its meaningful applications to my life boggled my mind –and I know we have yet only scratched the surface.

I am sure we each discovered direct significance very specific to our lives.
What I found was freedom.

Overall a people-pleaser and rule-follower while growing up, I have many times made decisions on what people in my life would think of me. My view of myself and even of others was determined by what I or others determined acceptable. Of course, we are to embrace and consider wisdom and advice that is shared with us, though often too freely. But our utmost desire should be to seek the wisdom of the Lord, yearn for a closer walk with Him, and make Him known to others more and more, finding peace, confidence, and security in the knowledge that He has already made us approved and worthy before God in Jesus’ name. Nothing else should matter. Anything else is only temporary with no lasting significance. Anything else only belongs to this world. Anything else leads to slavery and a continual cycle of sin.

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I am not called to any form of bondage. Galatians makes this concept very clear and defined. “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). I think most of us would agree that sin places us into slavery and that once saved, we should run from the things that enslave us. Why would we mock Christ and His sacrifice on the cross by only returning to bonds? But what I had to realize is that there are many forms of possible slavery for the Christian. In my achievement-driven mind, the only form of slavery a Christian could be vulnerable to fall to is what I considered the “real sins,” like some of those mentioned in Galatians 5:19-21: sexual immorality, sorcery, jealousy, to name a few. These were obvious. These were at times pointed out by society and definitely always by churches.

But I was in bondage to another slavery Paul also mentions in Galatians 5. In fact, it is the first that he mentions in this chapter: having a spirit of legalism. The entire book of Galatians revolves around this specific church’s struggle with the false teachers who were pushing for the following of certain rules in order to prove, justify, or gratify salvation. One’s identity was in standards, laws, and fitting in with a certain status quo determined by tradition. The Galatians’ specific struggle was with circumcision. Of course, in our culture, this topic is no longer an issue! However, there are many others today, and I am sure you have already begun to fill in the blank very quickly. These are the ones that divide us, that sever our churches, that tear apart families, that push away unbelievers, and most importantly that rob us from the true Gospel and a flourishing relationship with Christ.

What I have begun to learn is that it is just as sinful to adopt any form of legalism as it is to remain in those sins we typically think of. The spirit of legalism is not just choosing to adopt rules because one believes it will make them a better Christian, though we are so guilty of this; it also involves imposing personal standards on other people, judging them if they do not, afraid to analyze the issue Biblically and in prayer. The spirit of legalism enslaves because it imposes unimportant limitations in decision-making and in the leading of the Holy Spirit, and blinds us to recognizing some gray areas. “For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love” (Gal. 5:6).

Am I telling you to rid your life of all convictions and standards? No! Of course not! “Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh” (Gal. 5:13). We are to run from sin! I have come to believe, however, that we should be careful on how we set our standards: rather than through fear of popular word or sets of tradition, we should carefully determine them by the leading of the Spirit and the reading of His unfailing Word: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Gal. 5:16). Through His earthly ministry, Jesus respected tradition but did not live limited by it. The same went for those who followed Him. In fact, there are countless examples throughout the Gospels! When we set our standards, we should seek our hearts for our motives: are we simply following tradition or hoping to make ourselves feel or look better or accepted...or out of Spirit-filled love?

We have already been accepted by GOD if we have believed in Jesus Christ and begun a relationship with Him. When God looks at us, He sees Christ –no blame, shame, or any tint of sin: just holiness. Once we are saved, we should desire more and more to experience the transformation of the Holy Spirit; but there is absolutely nothing we can do to make God love or accept us more or less. It is done. It is finished. The struggle is gone. And so should our slavery, in whatever shape or form it can still entrap us while still in this world. “But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?” (Gal. 4:9)

So be free. Allow yourself to be free. Jesus has already made you so. 

Rock of My Gypsy Soul

As I near the peak of a mountain again, I can only reflect once more on the faithfulness of the Lord. All the way He has led me, proving me even more strongly that when He calls He provides, He transforms, and He never leaves. He reinforces my stronghold, making my feet like hinds’ feet, and directing my heart. He has shown me again that He is the Solid Rock to this gypsy soul of mine. He woos my restless spirit and secures my wild heart. Some of you may know about the drastic educational path change I took about two years ago now. While it sounded so foreign from the way I started, I can state with confidence that no, He hasn’t really changed my calling, nor has He kept me from being who I really am. Rather, he has freed my true identity, entrusting me only more firmly with my calling.

When I first started this graduate degree, I worried because I didn’t really want to do it, and its assumed target career was not necessarily the path I would have gladly chosen. I didn’t know why God was calling me to this endeavor. I only pursued it because I knew firmly that was the next step God wanted me to take –I also knew that if just a closer walk with Him was my reward from the many hours of study and sacrifice, I would have reaped the full benefits of obedience. Just knowing Him more would make this part of the journey worth it –because that’s what life is really about.

Oh, dear reader, I still do not fully know the plan, the next step, or my life course…and I am about to graduate in a month! But I know now that knowing everything is not the goal of life. Daily dedicating to knowing God and making Him known to others more and more is. I also now rest secure that God IS in charge of every piece of my life puzzle, planning to use every bit how and when He sees fit. HE is Creator, Author, Painter –and ALL His work is perfect and beautiful –even through my imperfections, impatience, and doubts, or those of other people that may all try to stand in the way of His sovereignty. But that’s the thing about His sovereignty: nothing can oppose it. I now know better than ever before that I can rest and let my heart, mind, and soul be quiet, though I don’t always choose too. As I write this, I am reminded of Paul’s words, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own” (Phil. 3:12).

I stand grateful for my fellow mountain climbers because blessed is this gypsy soul who has them to push me to fall back on my Solid Rock. I also stand amazed at how the Lord answers prayers, though certainly not always in the ways we think: yet His provided pieces of the puzzle fit so perfectly. He provides. He secures. He transforms. Yes, He leads me to the Rock that is higher than I am (Psalm 61:2). What I learned through this degree is more than just a piece of paper but exactly what my heart truly desired: a closer walk with Him, nearer to Him than before, more breath-taken by His nature and more confident of His truth, plan, and faithfulness. 

Abiding -Lord, Help Our Unbelief

“I am restless until I rest in You.” These words by St. Augustine firmly tie in much of the truths I have been hearing in church recently and challenging the very core of my life: the secret to life in Christ is truly resting and abiding in Him. As believers in and followers of Jesus Christ, we know we are promised eternal security, and this truth gives us peace towards the outcome of our lives. Yet, sometimes, it can be easy to feel restless in the today, in the here and now, and in the seemingly small, yet so tedious things we must do today. In our restlessness, we become so vulnerable to discontentment and we start running to anything, hoping and looking in them for peace, joy, and rest that only Christ can bring. We become so susceptible to attacks from the world, Satan, and our own selves.

We aren’t resting in Jesus.

Grounding every part of our hearts, minds, and souls in Christ on a daily basis sets the foundation for abiding in Christ and enjoying His rest we are promised every minute of our sometimes boring lives, regardless of our situation or position. While it is okay to look forward to the seasons we hope to come in our lives, we must also realize that part of fully trusting Jesus is waiting with a thankful heart. Charles Spurgeon explains this balance with the following: “[Those in Christ] have a laudable desire to make sure of [their] God-given talents and to find for [themselves] a position in which [they] may do more good to [their] fellowmen, but [they are] not unrestful, anxious, fretful, grieving, or grasping. [They are] contented and thankful.” There is joy in embracing the current season and position we are in because we know that God wants to use us wherever we are –and, as pointed out in church this past Sunday, there is absolutely no substitute for His joy. It is easy to daydream about the next season we hope to come; but it is just as easy to try to find comfort and satisfaction in this vision. Yet our preferred future should not and cannot provide us with the rest we long for. Without abiding in Christ today, our plans are but feeble attempts to feed our hungry souls, grasping for anything that can quench our longings and try to make ourselves feel better. Soon we realize that even in the things we love most, we absolutely need Jesus.

Only Christ can satisfy.

Dear readers, I don’t know what you are facing today. But I want you to remember that no matter how fierce the temptation, trials, or lies you face, you are truly called, uniquely beloved, and completely kept only by Jesus Christ (Jude 1:1). Just as you can only find eternal security in Him, you can only find rest, peace, and joy in this life through Him. John 15, straight from the mouth and heart of Christ, challenges us: “Abide in [Christ]…As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can you, except you abide in [Christ]…for without [Christ], you can do nothing.”

For without Christ, you can do nothing.

Try all you want, it’s true. I've tried it. And I know you have too.

How then, shall we find rest and the answers we truly need?

The secret is abiding in Christ. This beautiful phrase means we are spending time with the Lord, letting Him renew our minds by reading His Word, and leaving all our burdens to Him through prayer. As He begins to transform our hearts and minds, we are able to fight off the lies that attack us constantly either from other people or our own selves -from negativity, to hopelessness, to sin, to false teaching. Jesus begins to truly become our everything, enabling us to “take every thought captive” (II Cor. 10:5), becoming “more than conquerors” (Rom. 8:37), lighting the world with our testimony (Matt. 5:14-16), and truly, purely, joyfully abiding in Jesus (John 15:1-11). This is rest. This is His promise.

Lord, we believe, help our unbelief (Mark 9:24).

That I Should Choose

Pretty quickly in life we start realizing that we all have choices to make –and we better make good ones, because they all have consequences. When I worked at camp, our leadership always sent us off on our free week-ends with the slogan, “Make good choices! Remember whom you represent!”  But how can we do just that, make good choices?

I just wrapped up a study on weight loss and exercise through a Biblical perspective, and I was amazed by how many lessons could be applied to life in general. One of these was on decision-making. In the study’s context, decision-making revolved around food choices. But in life, decision-making revolves around…everything. So I put together a little “discernment test” from my study and reflection that we can apply to just that: everything.

• ·         Develop a habit of continually renewing your mind

Romans 12:1-2 is pretty clear on that: how do we become more like Christ? We fill our minds with His Words which are found in Scripture. The more we become like Christ, the more we think as He should and in accordance to His will. In other words, it will become easier to discern wisely in decision-making. Roy Disney once said that “It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” This is true, but we all know how quickly Satan likes to have us forget what our values are! One way to fight him in this area is to renew our minds daily because part of renewing your mind is discovering who you are in Christ now. As we discover this new identity, we become filled with a desire to protect it, motivating us for wholesome choices.

• ·         Ask yourself if this decision is beneficial

When faced with a decision, we should honestly ask ourselves if it will benefit us, our testimony, or even the spreading of the Gospel  -rather than if it is “lawful” to us. We have freedom in Christ (Gal. 5:1), and we so quickly like to claim this liberty! But we also forget that we are not to abuse this liberty or use it to damage Christ’s name or others’ outlook towards the Gospel (I Peter 2:16). One way to test if it is truly beneficial is to consider if it is placing us into another kind of bondage (I Cor. 6:12). For example, will giving in to this food temptation only lead to my slavery to it?

• ·         Love God and love people

Matthew 22:36-40 explains that the greatest commandment is love for God and love for people, so does this decision reflect that love? Is it purely, sincerely motivated by this love? We are to exemplify Christ in all we do –and Christ was “obedient unto death” (Phil. 2:8) because He loved His heavenly Father and He loved people. Our decisions should reflect that kind of love –and we cannot love like that without His help and without renewing our minds.

“Trusting in the Lord means every decision you make is done with Him in mind.” Bernita Weston’s words echo loudly as I finish this post. Our decisions should reflect our trust in Jesus! Rather than motivated by legalism or personal achievement, our hearts can now reach for prayerful choices led by the Holy Spirit and His Word. Finally, we should remember and find encouraging comfort in the truth that He PROMISES that He will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is focused on Him (Isaiah 26:3), even in the midst of tough, fog-immersed decision-making.

Just a Typical Girl

This morning, I finished a little study on ten different women mentioned in the Bible. None of these ten had what we would consider “perfect lives.” They were all going through a typical woman’s life: child-bearing problems and fears; war; emotional abuse or suffering; widowhood and the care of bitter elderly; death of a loved one; national crisis; family threat; tough choices; tests of faith and lessons of letting go; consequences from sin or poor choices. Their imperfections and weaknesses, along with the world’s sinful impact on them, brought them to places of lowness and fear, senses of failure and abandonment, and temptations to despair and to bid farewell to dreams or their promises from God.

My dear reader, do you recognize yourself yet?

These events all sound like typical things we women still go through today. These Bible characters were clearly all typical women. They were like you and me.

Yet what made them different was their faith –faith that the Lord is Sovereign God, faith that Jesus and His plan are enough, and faith that He is faithful, Keeper of His promises. What made them different was what they believed and their resulting choices. What made them worthy was their intentional decision to believe; and what gave them their lasting legacy was taking a stand for what they believed. This is the Gospel. Nothing worthy or outstanding comes from ourselves, but everything falls together beautifully in the name of Jesus when we respond to the desire He puts in us to crave and follow Him.

Because He loved us first. 

Sarah. Deborah. Hannah. Ruth. Mary. Esther. Miriam. Rahab. Jochebed. The woman at the well. They were all typical, dream-filled girls who turned into typical women struggling and fighting for those dreams. But these typical girls discovered a radical truth and experienced the God Who held everything they could truly delight in forever: His Word, His plan, and even His nature. Simply, they could delight in Him.

So, ladies, I don’t have to tell you twice that we are not worthy and that our sandcastles are quickly washed away by the clock. You already know that. Sin and the effects of time are no strangers to you; we have all quickly become acquainted to them. 

But the hope that comes from Christmas can last the entire year once you realize that God turns typical girls into worthy dream fulfillers and conquerors of His plan upon realization that He is the true delight of our hungry hearts.

Boldness for Joy: She Waited for Him

“Beauty is often displayed through sacrifice and bravery through acts of humility.” This is how Rachel Wojo describes Mary of Bethany, the woman who is now famous for anointing Jesus’ feet with expensive perfume. Not only did Mary sacrifice financially, but she also faced heavy criticism from those around her. Taking this risk for Jesus made her beautiful. But where did this courage come from? It seems so easy to fear, to stay locked in our old ways, to yield to bitterness, especially when those around us have tasted the poison and so readily share it. Where did she find this boldness for joy?

John 11:20 reveals two different reactions between the two sisters. Martha ran to Jesus, and Mary sat. The Bible does not make very clear statements to describe Mary’s thought processes at this point, but my commentary suggests she was meditating on His already proven goodness and power: “You keep [her] in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because [she] trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock” (Isaiah 26:3-4). Knowing Mary’s track record up to this event (Luke 10:39), this thought choice is highly possible for her.

Regardless of her state of mind in reaction to Lazarus’s death, John 11:28-29 stands out to me: “The Master is come, and calls for you. As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came unto Him.” You didn’t need to tell Mary twice. She might wait on the Lord, but she was always ready to go when He called.  She would soak in all she could from Him and worship, risking being accused of being lazy, of wasting time, of not serving enough –the list can go on; we are so familiar with it…the attacks come daily. Mary knew what the most important part of the journey was and so can we. In order to properly serve, she needed His bread first. She needed His energy, His insight, His strength, His light. Without that, she would burn out. But when she heard His call, she was up on her feet, energized and ready to go.

She waited for Him, even in His seeming silence and absence. And when He came, she fell down at His feet, broken-hearted, yet revealing her child-like faith that was still limited by a human heart and mindset: “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). Then Jesus showed her in a whole new way just how His ways are not comparable to ours. He rose Lazarus from the dead.

Spending time with Jesus is essential to combat a woman’s typical struggles. Sitting at His feet is crucial for service…and for life. It is the very breath of joy (Neh. 8:10) and of a gentle and quiet spirit (I Peter 3:4) that does not meddle (I Pet. 4:15), gossip (Prov. 20:19), worry (Matt. 6:25-34), or control (Ps. 55:22 & Rom. 12:19 –see previous post on Sarah). He makes us free from this world and makes us beautiful and brave. 

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:12-13).

The Story of Us

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated by Esther, the secret Jew turned queen of the Babylonian Empire. Perhaps it was her courage that inspired me, or her commitment to pursuing justice even in the face of great danger –or simply the fact that she was a strong woman in a dark world full of hurt, suffering, and persecution. Recently, I re-read the book of Esther again and was challenged by the deep themes exposed through its plot and the insightful details about the lives, thoughts, and hearts of the different characters of the story.

The recorded events reminded me of today’s world; its characters reflected various people around me; and its concepts challenged my very core. The story of Esther reminded me of me.

The book of Esther is unique because it never mentions the name of God and fails to reveal much, if any, commitment to God by His people, even by the main characters of the story. Rather, we are given insight on very human individuals –people just like you and me. Xerxes is a self-absorbed king, full of passion for his wealth and title; yet he falls in love with a beautiful queen and is willing to give half of his cherished kingdom to her. Haman so loves himself that he is willing to sacrifice honor by plotting to murder his small opposition. We do not know much about Mordecai, but we cannot help but wonder if his request for Esther to hide her Jewish identity was in wise discernment or in fear of men rather than God. Finally, we look at Esther and can call her full of faith or simply committed to her duty to humanity. There are so many ways to look at each of our characters in Esther; and we could argue about their faults and try to place their positive traits on a pedestal. But what we should observe is that they are simply you and me.

What stands out so powerfully in the story of Esther is that coincidences and life choices blend so quickly, forming simply life as we know it too. God’s hand is hidden –yet is still so visibly in control and at work through these seemingly uncontrollable events or attempts at riveting personal actions. Proverbs 21:1 explains that “the king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.” Similarly, Proverbs 19:21 stresses God’s sovereignty as well: “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” It can be difficult to see the hand of God in the life of Esther and those around her, especially when it appears that her entire people group would die. However, God’s promise of the survival of His Jewish people stood even through these challenging times. His plan remained. His ways still triumphed, even if they were hard to see. “God’s methods may vary, but His purposes do not. His workings may be obscured to skeptics by the disguise of coincidence, but the people of God recognize His sovereign hand in the ebb and flow of history. His name is not mentioned, but His influence is unmistakable” (Hill & Walton, p. 351).

Similarly, our lives resemble as those described in the book of Esther. Perhaps we do not face the possible destruction and extinction of our people –but surely we face death, pain, and suffering. Perhaps we do not feel we must deny our family background to be accepted –yet there has at least been one day where your past shamed you or you felt you had to hide what you truly thought. How many of us have denied what we believe? How many of us have hidden behind a title, a degree, a social status, or a position of authority to withhold vulnerability?  

The story of Esther is the story of us. “The thing that makes [Esther] so fascinating is that this is our story…this is a marvelous parallel to what is going on in our own lives” (Stedman, n.p.). None of the characters in Esther were perfect people. Rather, they were all openly flawed, pursuing what they each saw as their highest possession. Yet, the book of Esther also reveals that “God often works quietly behind the scenes to implement His plan. God rescues the Israelites, not because of Esther’s piety, but because saving them is part of His character and His plan, even though at the moment the Jews in Persia are not living obediently. God often works in our lives even when we do not deserve it. God is faithful to His promises and to His plan in spite of us” (Hays & Duvall, p. 249).

The same goes for us and for our story. The hand of God is often hidden, especially if we are not asking Him to reveal it to us. But He is still at work. He is sovereign, even through death, sickness, our doubts, our mistakes, and our shortcomings. “God can accomplish His purposes just as easily through ‘coincidences’ as He can through grand miracles of deliverance. Though He works behind the curtain, He is just as much in control. Events that others see as chance or fate, can be seen by believers as signs of God’s sovereignty” (Hill & Walton, p. 347).

A couple days ago I promised to answer the question of WHO is in control.
Perhaps, I have now. 

You Can Have All This World

In the past couple months or so, God has completely transformed my perspective on my life. Or, rather, He has been working on this for a while –I just have now come to realize it.

Life –what is life?

Knowing the answer to that question is essential to our successful development and pursuits; but how quickly do we attempt to summarize it or produce our own version of repeated fluff?

For some, life is an adventure or a journey. Thousands through the ages find its answers in parties or work or esteem. Others found purpose in family or singleness. All have attempted to define it somehow.

Life is but a vapor, the Bible states (James 4:14), and all of us would be quick to agree. A timeless country song even challenges its listeners through its analogy “Don’t Blink” –because life slips through our hands. One heartbeat, one breath –one blink- can change everything you ever knew in an instant. Though we make plans and should be prepared for the future, we are not promised tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1). All of us have seen life flash by our eyes, with friends and loved ones stolen from us too quickly by death’s snatch.

Here I am almost finished with my graduate degree, and I have no idea what is coming next. The entire world is before me –while at the same time, maybe just a lonely mountain with a forgotten people could be my next abode. I have had so many questions, yet God has only repeated His century-old truth: “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21). Life is not about my will above all but rather about the triumph of His work: to know Him more and more day by day and to make Him known.

So now I must live with His entrusted truth: I must live TODAY fully with eternity in mind. I must live, laugh, love –TODAY. Today is all I have at this moment, and I must choose wisely how I will spend it in order to reflect my utmost purpose: to know Him and make Him known –TODAY. Coincidences become opportunities to grow in Him or to share His glory; life is no longer a solo adventure but a committed journey besides the Savior of my heart, mind, and soul. 

But. Love.

As we pass through the seasons of life, we expect certain revelations from God –truths promised at last explained, answers begged for provided, and prayers met as we sought fit. Even though we repeat to ourselves that His ways are higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9), we still act surprised when He answers in another way, when He brings us the unexpected, or when He sheds light on an issue not searched.

But. Love.

Love is what brings us the outcomes of our prayers, the results of our endurance, and the insight on His nature, even if none are what we had asked or wished for. In His love, He allows every detail. Even the tears. Even the heartache. Even the unexplained. Even the answered questions. Even the waiting. And even the unexpected insight. After all, some say that true love comes when you least expect it.

In our blinded mindsets, it’s easy to place love in a box. To quote one of my favorite songs,

Have you ever seen true love
And do you know what it's made of,
And where it came from?

Or could it be the world has left you blind
And every day you pass it by,
You don't even recognize it.

Recently, God has stretched some of my understandings of love, opening my eyes to some of the everlasting greatness of His love. True love would give anything, expecting nothing in return, expecting neither future nor promise of it. True love fights and endures when nothing makes sense. True love means praying in faith, trusting God’s sovereignty in the unseen. True love is not blind but accepts the mistakes –past, present, and future. True love sees the potential but victoriously endures through the reality. True love knows how to give space, to let go, and to establish boundaries. True love proclaims and lives out the promises of God.

We are lost in a world of chaos, misery, despair, lies, and destruction.

But. Love.

True love came down to save us and awaits for us to claim it personally into our lives. This love is the love of God as displayed through the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus gave everything for us, yet expected nothing in return; in fact, He knew even our greatest songs of worship and acts of service would be but rags (Isaiah 64:6). He fought the temptations of Satan in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11) and endured the torture of the cross. Before His crucifixion, Jesus could be found on His knees, yielding His future to His Sovereign Father (Luke 22:42). When we approach Jesus, He, as God, is far from blind to all the sins we have committed…and will still fall to. Yet, He still comes when we call and promises grace to those who humble themselves before Him (James 4:6). Countless times we fail Him yet He still chooses to use us for the growth of His Kingdom (Mark 16:15). Yes, Jesus even gives us space –He knows only in our free will can we come to truly follow Him. In His holiness, He must establish boundaries –and in His perfection, every word and action of Christ is in accordance to His Word.

Yes. But. Love. Will you choose it? Will you embrace it?
Will you love like He loves?

Why Does It Hurt?

Words can be the deadliest of weapons, the most grieving attacks to the human heart, mind, and soul –the cause of the most pain, suffering, and doubt.

Whether or not the words are true, they hurt. They are like darts piercing even through the most calloused heart, the most trained mind, and the strongest soul. They launch at the very being, the core of who we are, and at our very identity. Who we are becomes insignificant, a bother, worthless, and a waste. Even when others try to console us or our logic denies the legitimacy of the attacks, somehow the words echo and take over our thinking, paralyzing our judgment and crippling our efficacy.

Why is it so easy to fall to these attacks? Why is it so easy to believe the words? Why does it hurt?

Because deep down inside, we cannot deny our sinful nature –and our flesh and the enemy like to take advantage of this confession. We know that even if those exact words and accusations were not true, surely we must be guilty of something. And trust me: satan is quick to remind us of our failures, of our vulnerabilities, and of our struggles. He craves to have us dwell on them. If he cannot get us to fall, he will get us to become enslaved to a fearful victim mentality. As so powerfully said in a sermon I heard recently, “the fight for faith is the fight for joy.” Darkness wants us to lose our efficiency for the Kingdom –and it starts by stealing our joy.

So what can we do?

No, we are not to deny our human frailty, our double mindedness, our sinful nature and desires. Rather, we are actually supposed to admit and confess them. But confessions are not the last step –they are only the first. These should become our testimony, our indication to the world of the general need for Christ, and a declaration of His amazing power and love. Our brokenness then only becomes an opportunity for Christ to work and for us to declare His glory (from Standing Firm by Donna Partow).

If you are battling the hurt of words today, remember who you are IN THE LORD. Don’t turn to your own worth or accomplishments because those do not stand. Any things we view as good in our lives are but rags in the eyes of a holy God (Isaiah 64:6). Rather, place your worth and boast in Jesus Christ alone: “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (II Cor. 12:9). The next time someone tells or makes you feel you are worthless, tell them it is true BUT that Christ has made you worthy through the power of His blood in His perfect sacrifice. “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (II Cor. 4:7). Our lives, our accomplishments, our growth, and our prides are but jars of clay –they shatter so easily! But God can still use them because He wants and chooses to –because to Him goes all the glory and praise. “So that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord’” (I Cor. 1:31).

"No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that will rise against you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, says the LORD." -Is. 54:17

THERE IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS

23 and Counting

A week ago, I turned 23.

The halfway point of summer is rushing past us –humid days and crickets singing; birds chirping early and warm, subtle breezes; new songs on the radio and endless adventures. My birthday came and went, once again, full of surprises and memories, cards and wishes. I’ve reached twenty-three –I’m in the middle of what my parents always said was the age they missed the most.

George Eliot was right: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” I am amazed by God’s faithfulness. Ever since I can remember, all I’ve wanted to do was play with horses and write, write, WRITE. Growing up brought a variety of interests that at times seemed to be unrelated tangents to my life plan. They took me on journeys here and there, but I believe they were firmly part of God’s overall plan, growth, and formation of me. Yet, He kept drawing me back to my first loves: horses and the pen. Little by little, far after I thought my time was past, He opened doors of opportunities I never thought I would have. Yet, He proved loud and clear that Amy Carmichael’s words were true. “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires He creates.”

In the past year, my horse-related opportunities have only continued. Volunteering at my local horse ministry and horse sitting before or after work have served as a continual reminder of where my heart truly lies. What is my job then now, when I cannot fully pursue this calling it seems? I am required to be faithful now and take advantage of all the opportunities present at the moment, fully trusting the Lord to continue to open further doors if He so chooses to be glorified so.

I do not know what my future holds. In a world of pain and adversity, I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Every breath, really, is a gift. In fact, the Bible encourages me to number my days and handle them wisely (Proverbs 90:12). However, I know that 24 will bring me only more testimonies of God’s faithfulness.

Today, I am 23, only left humbled –and counting His abundant works of faithfulness. 

The Veil Has Torn

The writings of Exodus can appear long-winded, repetitive, and even useless at times. Oh the many times I have complained about its content! But when in my head and heart God connects dots from this more challenging piece of Scripture with the often Christian favorite of the New Testament, I am left humbled and can only rejoice with the delight He brings.

This morning I was thinking about all the things on my to-do list –the things I want to do and those I don’t; the things I take pleasure in and those I despise; the things that are easy and those that require effort. Lying in bed hearing the birds already worshiping, I knew what my soul needed but I wanted to indulge my head and attempt to accomplish everything in my own might. I wrestled, hid under the quilts –but already the sun revealed His glory through my half-drawn blinds, luring me to His feet. Finally, I rolled over, pushing away my human feelings. Sitting by the window and sipping coffee, I started writing down my worry and wanna-be achievement list while meditating on Philippians 4:6-7: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” As my pen traced on the journal page each of my thoughts, God supplied His peaceful answer.

So I rejoiced along with the birds.

As I continued my reading of Exodus, I was captivated by the glorious description of God’s commandments concerning the tabernacle as well as the clothes worn by the priests.  One verse, though, that bounced off the page as if already highlighted without my pen was Exodus 26:33-34: “and the veil will divide unto you between the holy place and the most holy. And you will put the mercy seat upon the ark of the testimony in the most holy place.” The people of Israel were not to enter this most holy section where God’s Spirit was; they could not approach God on their own because of their imperfections compared to His holiness. A veil separated them.

One day everything changed, though: “And, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in half from the top to the bottom; and the earth did shake, and the rocks were split” (Matthew 27:51). THE VEIL WAS TORN. Why? What had just happened? Jesus, the Son of God, had just died, crucified on the cross and taking every single sin upon Him. He acted as the perfect sacrifice acceptable to God, making it possible for those who believe in Him to approach God anytime anywhere about anything. JESUS made it possible for me to approach God’s mercy seat this morning, leave everything at His throne of grace, and rejoice. “[The] veil is done away in Christ…when [we] turn to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord” (II Corinthians 3:14-18).

The veil has been torn. What are we waiting for? Let’s gather at His mercy seat and REJOICE. 

Our Hearts

Why does God allow suffering to His faithful?
Why are dreams so long to become fulfilled and sometimes never come to pass?
Why does He seem so silent at times while the world is quick to speak its opinions?

I read Job in a week. I’m not sure if a book in the Bible has ever captivated me so fully and so wholeheartedly. Portrayed as a man faithful to his God, Job enters an incredible sequence of events that completely shake his entire life: in a matter of minutes and as a result of spiritual warfare, everything (except his negative wife!) was stripped away from him. We don’t know how long his agony lasted, but part of his suffering included a constant outpour of various words and opinions from his “friends.” Every single one of them had an opinion; and while each opinion held truths within it, it did not address Job’s real issue. Then God stepped in. He did not answer Job’s questions; rather, He pointed out His sovereignty. Job was absolutely humbled; how foolish he had been to try to explain the meaning of what was happening to him. While God blessed Job in unmeasurable material and familial ways in the long run, Job received the most important gift right after God’s words humbled him: a true heart for God –not a heart after sacrifices and ordinances, but a heart after the Almighty.

Yesterday, I began reading I Samuel. I jumped into a storyline early on that I had expected; but I also discovered a similar theme to Job that I had not foreseen. I Samuel begins with an insight in the life of a woman, Hannah, desperate for her own child. She and her family are seen as faithful to God through their regular prayers and sacrifices, similarly to Job’s situation prior to his moment of desperation. Hannah, too, is persecuted, though mainly emotionally. Her dream for a child was honorable –yet God did not seem to be fulfilling her vision. Eventually, He did provide her with a son, Samuel, who would do wonders through God for Israel. Why did God make Hannah wait? What did God want of her?

He wanted her heart…just like He wanted Job’s…and He wants ours.

There is no telling how Hannah would have been toward God and the future of her son had she not had to wait, had she not had to endure the pain from the words of her husband’s second wife. There’s no telling how Job would have continued viewing God had he not been tried. Would both Hannah and Job have continued in simply following the rules and offering sacrifices rather than truly pursuing the heart of God?

The desires God places in our hearts are for a very, very, VERY specific reason; but if we try to meet them on our own timetable or if we pursue them more than the One who gave them to us, we risk missing quite a bit of beautiful growth in the Lord –we risk missing what He wants most for us: a heart after Him and His purposes. Jesus boasted of Mary’s best decision: to choose the “good portion” of life (Luke 10:41-42), pursuing the heart of God. Similarly, God looked past David’s human mistakes and still had him remembered for his most important trait: a heart after God’s (Acts 13:22).

So to those of you waiting for your dream to come, to those of you praying for healing, to those of you who are confused about your next step, remember that if your heart is after God’s, you already have everything. Let your heart pursue Him, confessing His sovereignty. He CAN be trusted. “He suffered you to hunger…that He might make you know that man does not live by bread alone…” (Deut. 8:3) –He wants us to have the most important part of life: satisfaction in Him, in pursuing Him, in knowing Him. Forget the calling, forget the mission; yes, those are important. But what He wants most is our heart. As so beautifully said by Amy Carmichael, “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires He creates.”

Simply Duty

So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do’ (Luke 17:10).

This evening, I started to really seriously look at my upcoming coursework for my next class that is about to begin. To be completely honest, I started to feel that big drowning feeling in my stomach rising through my chest: the big “o” word –overwhelmed, especially since this course is supposed to overlap with another one that looks twice as more intense and demanding. Suddenly, I had to laugh at myself, at my fear, and at my future! I can’t let myself get overwhelmed, but rather I should remember what, or rather Who, this entire degree is all about: His work and His alone. It’s about my taking a leap into the unknown, about walking on water…with just the sound of His Spirit to lead me and with my eyes wide open to continue to see His beautiful painting come alive before my heart, mind, and soul. In fact, He has already begun to reveal to me part of it in ways that only point to Him. Nobody else may quite see it as I do; others may even view me as crazy. But all that matters is that I, I do know. And as I know and remember, I grow and am left only more and more in humble awe and sincere emptiness, ready for Him to fill and overflow me over and over and forever.

But as I move to embrace every day as an adventure with and for Him, I cannot fall to the temptation to pat myself on the shoulder for such a choice. It is, rather, just my mere duty to Him. Following Him, picking up my designed cross, forsaking this world and its empty promises, seeking His face above all, breathing in and out His Word, and obeying His still, small voice –this is only and simply my calling. Just as Jesus tried to explain to His disciples many, many years ago, I need to recognize that to choose any other walk is foolish…and to cling to His promises while trusting and obeying is my only reasonable service, the essence of true life, and the summary of any lasting legacy. We have done what was our duty to do. Simply my duty –no accolade should be expected. What a foreign concept for my human, sinful mind swamped by a culture that worships self, seeks personal advancement and comfort above all, and desires to prove itself worthy! Everyone and anyone desire a prize, some sort of trophy –but do we really deserve it?

Micah 6:8 states that what God REQUIRES of me is to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with Him. Through Christ’s strength, this has become my duty. Will I accept it with joy this year of 2014, only hoping to hear one day, Well done, good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:14-30)? Will YOU?