What I Found Was Freedom

We humans like to fit sin into a box –a box that makes sense to us, a box that fits our agendas, our feelings, or our own sense of right and wrong. It’s hard for us to comprehend what exactly God’s holiness entails and how it should impact our view of ourselves…and of sin and salvation.

Recently, I began attending a women’s Bible study group with the sole purpose of diving more into the Word of God, challenging my “Bible knowledge,” and developing relationships with more mature women. Little did I know that my menial motivations would be surpassed by the Lord’s grand desire to transform me and provide for me exactly the truth I needed for this time in my life.  While His way in this is nothing out of the ordinary for Him and is only a small sample of His plan and work, I stand amazed that it offers a picture of how He teaches and prepares us for just what we need in His most perfect, beautiful timing.

The focus of our Bible study this semester was the book of Galatians. Before we began, I knew it was one of Paul’s letters and I could reference a few notes I had previously made in the margins of my Bible there. But the depth of its truths and its meaningful applications to my life boggled my mind –and I know we have yet only scratched the surface.

I am sure we each discovered direct significance very specific to our lives.
What I found was freedom.

Overall a people-pleaser and rule-follower while growing up, I have many times made decisions on what people in my life would think of me. My view of myself and even of others was determined by what I or others determined acceptable. Of course, we are to embrace and consider wisdom and advice that is shared with us, though often too freely. But our utmost desire should be to seek the wisdom of the Lord, yearn for a closer walk with Him, and make Him known to others more and more, finding peace, confidence, and security in the knowledge that He has already made us approved and worthy before God in Jesus’ name. Nothing else should matter. Anything else is only temporary with no lasting significance. Anything else only belongs to this world. Anything else leads to slavery and a continual cycle of sin.

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I am not called to any form of bondage. Galatians makes this concept very clear and defined. “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). I think most of us would agree that sin places us into slavery and that once saved, we should run from the things that enslave us. Why would we mock Christ and His sacrifice on the cross by only returning to bonds? But what I had to realize is that there are many forms of possible slavery for the Christian. In my achievement-driven mind, the only form of slavery a Christian could be vulnerable to fall to is what I considered the “real sins,” like some of those mentioned in Galatians 5:19-21: sexual immorality, sorcery, jealousy, to name a few. These were obvious. These were at times pointed out by society and definitely always by churches.

But I was in bondage to another slavery Paul also mentions in Galatians 5. In fact, it is the first that he mentions in this chapter: having a spirit of legalism. The entire book of Galatians revolves around this specific church’s struggle with the false teachers who were pushing for the following of certain rules in order to prove, justify, or gratify salvation. One’s identity was in standards, laws, and fitting in with a certain status quo determined by tradition. The Galatians’ specific struggle was with circumcision. Of course, in our culture, this topic is no longer an issue! However, there are many others today, and I am sure you have already begun to fill in the blank very quickly. These are the ones that divide us, that sever our churches, that tear apart families, that push away unbelievers, and most importantly that rob us from the true Gospel and a flourishing relationship with Christ.

What I have begun to learn is that it is just as sinful to adopt any form of legalism as it is to remain in those sins we typically think of. The spirit of legalism is not just choosing to adopt rules because one believes it will make them a better Christian, though we are so guilty of this; it also involves imposing personal standards on other people, judging them if they do not, afraid to analyze the issue Biblically and in prayer. The spirit of legalism enslaves because it imposes unimportant limitations in decision-making and in the leading of the Holy Spirit, and blinds us to recognizing some gray areas. “For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love” (Gal. 5:6).

Am I telling you to rid your life of all convictions and standards? No! Of course not! “Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh” (Gal. 5:13). We are to run from sin! I have come to believe, however, that we should be careful on how we set our standards: rather than through fear of popular word or sets of tradition, we should carefully determine them by the leading of the Spirit and the reading of His unfailing Word: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Gal. 5:16). Through His earthly ministry, Jesus respected tradition but did not live limited by it. The same went for those who followed Him. In fact, there are countless examples throughout the Gospels! When we set our standards, we should seek our hearts for our motives: are we simply following tradition or hoping to make ourselves feel or look better or accepted...or out of Spirit-filled love?

We have already been accepted by GOD if we have believed in Jesus Christ and begun a relationship with Him. When God looks at us, He sees Christ –no blame, shame, or any tint of sin: just holiness. Once we are saved, we should desire more and more to experience the transformation of the Holy Spirit; but there is absolutely nothing we can do to make God love or accept us more or less. It is done. It is finished. The struggle is gone. And so should our slavery, in whatever shape or form it can still entrap us while still in this world. “But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?” (Gal. 4:9)

So be free. Allow yourself to be free. Jesus has already made you so. 

The Proverbs 31 Mystery (Part 2)

After identifying yesterday as Christ being the center of Proverbs 31, what then can He turn us into if we surrender daily our hearts, minds, and souls to Him?

He makes us trustworthy.

The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he will have no need of spoil (Proverbs 31:11). I dare say that trustworthiness is a direct result of being worth far above rubies –of being virtuous. Those who are virtuous are trustworthy. I would even say all of the other verses of Proverbs 31 are examples of this trustworthiness that results from this virtue. Humbling thought, isn’t it?

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (v. 12).

When we turn to the Lord and let Him renew our minds, He turns conniving deceivers and lie-believers of daughters of Eve into trustworthy, virtuous, confident inheritors of the King. People begin to trust us because Jesus works in and through us, becoming blessings to those around us. [Jesus makes us] perfect in every good work to do His will, working in [us] that which is well-pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ (Heb. 13:21).

There are countless applications to Proverbs 31:11-12! From being a helpmeet to a husband, to turning the world to hope in the Gospel to building up girls in their identity in Christ, our advice and leadership is trustworthy, especially when out of a quiet heart (I Peter 3:4). My French Bible version uses the words “s’assure en elle,” which means the husband finds “assurance” in his Proverbs 31 wife. Believing women bring assurance and affirm others. They choose to “speak the truth in love” (Ephe. 4:15).

He gives us a reliable work ethic.

Regardless of her position, this Proverbs 31 woman transformed by the power of God does what needs to be done. Why? Because now her work is about bringing glory to God (Col. 3:22-24), and her sure reward comes from Him. What she has been given, she is responsible for before God. It has been given to her by God to use, in His grace and strength for His Kingdom (Matt. 25:14-30). Whatever she does, single or married, she has become a manager of it before God.

She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships: she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard (Prov. 31: 13-16).

She finds and looks for ways to take better care of what is under her responsibility. Going out of her way, she is a good steward, becomes generous, and can be trusted to make decisions that impact others. In this passage, it says the woman bought a field and made the decision about it. Clearly her husband trusted her to make that choice and gave her that freedom. This woman was trustworthy.

A Proverbs 31 woman is a dedicated hard worker, and what she doesn’t know how to do, she figures out how…and does it. She is clever, resourceful –characteristics which I think impact tremendously her generosity. She knows that if she were to give away “too much,” she could work to replace what she gave away. In some ways, she works to give away. She is of course only this way because Jesus is transforming her and giving her grace and strength as she renews her mind. Wherefore…give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if you do these things, you will never fall (II Pet. 1:10).

He supplies joie de vivre.

Proverbs 17-22 are very much related to verses 13-16 and seem to work hand-in-hand: She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Because Jesus is making her more and more into a trustworthy hard worker, He is also filling her more and more with a pure and true enjoyment of life, regardless of her situation. She is constantly trying to make the most of it, being filled more and more by His joy and hope. This does not mean things are always easy for her; neither does it mean she is frivolous, careless, and wasteful. No. Because she is a hard worker, she knows she can “afford” to be generous and enjoy giving; she also knows she can “pamper” her own accordingly, wisely within her means. She can truly enjoy her life, regardless of her situation, rich or poor, in sickness or in health, in abundance or in famine (see I Tim. 6:6 and Jer. 29:1-14). She can claim the following with more confidence year by year: Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:11-13).

He moves others to respect her.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she will rejoice in time to come…Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her (Proverbs 31: 23-25).

Because of her behavior and view of herself in Christ, she is respected throughout the community. Respect is often extended to those who associate with her directly, such as her husband, who can’t help but be impacted by her if he isn’t respectable himself. She supports him and brings out the best of him, giving him respect. In some ways, one has to respect to be respected. Those who dislike you will be blown away by the respect you give. This concept makes me think of Proverbs 16:7: When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. A woman filled with Christ may not always be liked for her stands and God-glorifying choices and decisions, but Christ will ensure she is respected one way or another eventually. People will remember her for her Christlikeness.

He creates in her a pure heart.

According to Proverbs 31:26-27 & 29, she reflects purity in heart…because to have lasting and impacting actions and words as described in these verses, Christ will have been transforming her heart into a pure one (Matt. 15:18). Of course, this brings us back to Romans 12:1-2: it takes Jesus to transform us from the inside out when we commit to letting Him renew our minds. After studying the Beatitudes for a couple weeks, I was able to distinguish a link between Proverbs 31 and Matthew 5:8: no wonder this woman of God is called blessed in Proverbs 31:28 –because “blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). That is respectable. That brings true “joie de vivre.” That encourages a strong, God-centered work ethic –because everything becomes for the glory of God. That creates a trustworthy woman. That results in a virtuous woman worth far more than rubies. Yeah!

So we want to be Proverbs 31 women? Let us dedicate ourselves to spending time at Jesus’ feet, developing our relationship with Him, engulfing every Word from Him, and letting His power transform us. We will never be the same.

The Proverbs 31 Mystery

How many of you ever felt overwhelmed when reading the famous Proverbs 31 passage on the description of a godly woman? How many of you lost confidence in your abilities and felt ashamed of your heart? How many of you just suddenly felt very sinful?

Well, let me argue that Proverbs 31:10-31 is not really about you and me.

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies…Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her own works praise her in the gates (Prov. 31: 10, 30-31).

Virtue is the true measure of a woman. A virtuous woman is priceless and timeless. Her impact lasts and reaches into eternity, and her goals and her heart live for and rest in the unseen, motivated by Christ, His love, and the pursuit of His truth and its spreading. But a woman cannot be virtuous on her own: it is impossible and goes against her very own sin nature. Romans 3:9-18 is pretty strong about this: NO ONE is righteous –not one. Ecclesiastes 7:20 and Isaiah 64:6 point that anything “good” we attempt is still flawed, imperfect, and of no eternal worth.

So where is a woman’s hope if she desires to be truly virtuous, eternally impacting the lives of others?

IN JESUS CHRIST ALONE

Jesus Christ makes her virtuous. Even the famous “Proverbs 31” passage points us directly to the heart of the Gospel: humanity’s depravity and Jesus Christ’ reconciliation and transformation of us. All Scripture points to the Gospel, even a woman’s desire for virtue and eternal impact –and even a woman’s lack of ability and accomplishment in this department.

NO ONE can find a virtuous woman apart from Christ.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

It can be easy to be overwhelmed by this “Proverbs 31 list”…because it IS impossible to be this woman without faith in Jesus Christ. But as we let Him renew our minds (Romans 12:2), we can become her. In fact, we can become more: we can become like Christ.

If the life of a “Proverbs 31 woman” could be summarized, I would say one accurate way would be that she lives for the unseen. While other people may see her work and its immediate fruit at times, her heart and its goals lie in the unseen. Rather than focusing on wordly favor and beauty so much, she pursues the Lord, and she is motivated by this relationship she has with Him. He transforms her mind so that she works with this in ambition: her true treasure is in heaven…and this is what she will be known and praised for, if not here on earth, definitely in heaven. Even when everything seems to be crumbling around her, she has hope, joy, and strength because she is focused on the unseen (II Cor. 4:8-18). While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal (II Cor. 4:18).

Therefore we are always confident (II Cor. 5:6).

And this throws us right back to faith in Jesus Christ (Heb. 11:11). Matthew 6:19-34 only reinforces this: our treasure should be in heaven, and the secret to accomplishing that goal is to seek God first (v. 33). He has now become our number one priority –in everything. That is the secret to a “Proverbs 31 woman,” who really is just the sanctification work of Christ in her life as she responds to His daily call to follow and pursue Him. John Piper puts it this way: “Keep your hearts in heaven.” This is how Proverbs 31:25 can go so far to say in some translations: she laughs without fear of the future –not in carelessness but in full confidence in the Lord of her heart –and of her eternity.

No, you see: Proverbs 31:10-31 is not really about you and me. Rather, it is about Christ’s power in and through us. It’s about who we can become in His name as we let His truth fill us daily. So, gentlemen, encourage a woman to pursue Christ if you want her to be virtuous! And, ladies, let us rise to the challenge and give Jesus Christ room to work!

Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité

Some of you may know that I take frequent trips to France. Every journey is different: even if I visit the same places, they always hold different observations, challenges, and perks. Yet, they usually never fail to bring a more enlightened view of the Gospel and its impact on life. Frances J. Roberts explains this phenomenon so warmly in Come Away My Beloved: “[God] deepens you in the furnace of affliction, and purifies your soul in the fires of pain.” It amazes me how He similarly also speaks too through the more mundane instances of life or even the small joys. He reveals so much when we are looking for it and letting Him speak.

Perhaps strolling through France reminded me of scenes from Les Miserables; or the movies I had been watching with family were emphasizing similar social strives. But while walking along the beach yesterday, I kept thinking about a famous historical phrase: “Liberté, égalité, fraternité.” This philosophical and political motto invigorated France so powerfully for years, decades, and maybe even a couple centuries. But why was it so captivating? Why in countless countries around the world do people strive for these words or similar mantras?

Because we were created for freedom -we were created to crave liberty, equality, and fraternity.

I love to study politics, especially as an attempt to understand their philosophical foundations, their human justifications, and their results on society. However, in this post, I am not going to dive into the contradicting thoughts and opposing factions of eighteenth century France. What I want to focus on is our innate desire to be free, to embrace equality, and to live with others as a family.

I attended a Catholic Christmas mass about a week ago or so and was stricken by how many people seemed to be there simply by tradition, hoping that somehow fulfilling this festive practice would make their year conclude better and bring about a fortunate new one. Communion was welcomed, something to be done for a blessing, a reminder of days of old, or a warmth in a dark, cold world. The partakers seemed to look towards each other with a hope for brotherhood, a yearning for unity. They were all looking for the same thing: freedom from the awfulness of year 2014 and the worry towards 2015; freedom from the burdens they were carrying; freedom for their souls full of strife, mistakes, and pain. They wanted all to be equal in this unfair world, equal, loved, and free.

Because that’s what they were created for.

Last Sunday, I visited a local evangelical church for the first time in the area. When the service concluded, I was left with joy, reminded that I had what so many across France and the entire world craved and yearned for: freedom, equality, and fraternity. My freedom comes from my salvation in Jesus Christ. Because I believe, He frees me from everything unholy and daily renews my heart, mind, and soul when I turn to Him. I stand equal before God, as any other human being does because He has created us all in His image and is ready to accept any of us into His kingdom of sons and daughters if only we believe. Finally, I can experience a beautiful family experience with all other believers. Constantly the book of Acts opens my eyes to what the Church should really be: one big united family in the truth of the Gospel.

Dear France, dear world –you can have Liberté, égalité, et fraternité. You were created for it. You were created for Jesus Christ.

So Let Us Laugh

 Blessed is the [woman] who remains steadfast under trial (James 1:12).

In Genesis 18, we see the narration of life –a woman given a promise from God, one that is extremely laugh-worthy (like most dreams from God) yet that motivates her to try to make it happen in her own way (ex. Genesis 16). She is a typical woman: she worries about her ability (Genesis 18:12) perhaps because she had already tried to rely on it to attempt to control God’s plan by “helping Him out.” We women like to fall to the lie that God needs our help. Of course, we are to do our part –but we would benefit greatly if only we learned to discern between doing our part and usurping God’s place (Let It Go, K. Ehman). Yet, despite her error, God reiterates His promise in Genesis 18. Maybe that’s why Sarah laughed. Why would God still choose to use her to create a nation?

It’s not until Genesis 21 that the promise has begun to be fulfilled. Somehow, between Genesis 18 and 21, God changed Sarah’s heart. He filled it with faith, perhaps rekindling a faith she used to have. After all, she had accompanied Abraham throughout his whole journey, valleys and mountain tops. She had followed when he left all behind to pursue the one true God; and she had watched her husband deny their marital bond yet discover God protect her fully –not once, but twice (Genesis 12 and 20). She had come to know a God who remains faithful, good, and sovereign. Because of what God had allowed in her life, she could only conclude God’s steadfastness.

And isn’t that the goal for us all?

This is the story of the redeemed woman: God transforming a control-freak, conniving, doubtful soul of a woman into a mountain-building, dream-believing, nation-establishing giant featured in the “faith hall of fame” of Hebrews 11. God is faithful: He changes our hearts and fulfills His promises. “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and whole, wanting nothing” (James 1:3). Jesus and His work are everything –that’s what a woman should realize as she waits, as she endures, as she perseveres. It’s all about the heart change as He works because our story should be about how He gets us from Genesis 18 to Hebrews 11: “that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tried by fire, might be found unto praise and glory and honor at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:7). 

Not just Sarah's heart changed; her laughter was transformed too. Once touched by the redemption of God, her mocking snicker turned into a victorious, confident chuckle because "strength and dignity [became] her clothing, and she laugh[ed] without fear of the future" (Proverbs 31:25). Her God was faithful. And He still is. 

So let us laugh.

*verse outline & connection between Gen. 18 & Heb. 11 from Women of the Bible -Beautiful and Brave by Rachel Wojo

Norfolk Notes

We like to think that we can’t live without something, and as a result, we put restrictions on the will of God for our lives because we don’t think we could be in a certain place or without a specific convenience. I remember beginning to explore this falsehood and its opposing truth almost two years ago now (see December 2012 posts), but God thought it crucial to remind me this morning in a new, refreshing way.

On a business trip to Norfolk, VA, I had a few minutes for some leisure time. Of course, my sense of adventure refused to lock me in my room and encouraged my legs to take my heart to follow its pursuit: exploring the down-town waterside harbor. Engulfing the morning wind and eaves-dropping on the conversation of seagulls, my soul soared, reflecting on the words I had read earlier in the morning: “let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6). That I may KNOW –so much confidence and power in that five letter word! Whatever conversation I would be placed in during this trip, my key to success would be consistently filling myself with His truth and trusting Him to speak for me if I let Him. And the same promise would apply to any future trips.

As I continued to walk along the wooden paneled dock, the fresh air revived me. It’s so easy to become confused and conflicted in this world, its cares, its pressures and expectations, and thus forget the Source of life. My mission here is not to be comfortable or within my limits; and it may not consist of always choosing whom or how I serve. Sure, God places preferences on my heart but I cannot let those dictate where I go. He, and He alone, must lead. And as He leads and I follow, He provides my soul with what it truly needs. If I commit to be fed by Him, He will provide my soul the refreshment it needs. Cities can overwhelm a country spirit like mine; yet Norfolk’s treasures show me that God provides me with what I need to find my solace.

Walking back to my hotel, I realized not only I had found the fresh air my body craved but so my soul had been refreshed too, grown closer to my faithful Leader and providing Creator.

You Can Have All This World

In the past couple months or so, God has completely transformed my perspective on my life. Or, rather, He has been working on this for a while –I just have now come to realize it.

Life –what is life?

Knowing the answer to that question is essential to our successful development and pursuits; but how quickly do we attempt to summarize it or produce our own version of repeated fluff?

For some, life is an adventure or a journey. Thousands through the ages find its answers in parties or work or esteem. Others found purpose in family or singleness. All have attempted to define it somehow.

Life is but a vapor, the Bible states (James 4:14), and all of us would be quick to agree. A timeless country song even challenges its listeners through its analogy “Don’t Blink” –because life slips through our hands. One heartbeat, one breath –one blink- can change everything you ever knew in an instant. Though we make plans and should be prepared for the future, we are not promised tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1). All of us have seen life flash by our eyes, with friends and loved ones stolen from us too quickly by death’s snatch.

Here I am almost finished with my graduate degree, and I have no idea what is coming next. The entire world is before me –while at the same time, maybe just a lonely mountain with a forgotten people could be my next abode. I have had so many questions, yet God has only repeated His century-old truth: “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21). Life is not about my will above all but rather about the triumph of His work: to know Him more and more day by day and to make Him known.

So now I must live with His entrusted truth: I must live TODAY fully with eternity in mind. I must live, laugh, love –TODAY. Today is all I have at this moment, and I must choose wisely how I will spend it in order to reflect my utmost purpose: to know Him and make Him known –TODAY. Coincidences become opportunities to grow in Him or to share His glory; life is no longer a solo adventure but a committed journey besides the Savior of my heart, mind, and soul. 

From the Blind

Pirate is a horse with only one eye. Yet, his trust towards his rider baffles me. Embracing adventures across the fields and woods, Pirate walks, trots, and canters with energy and enthusiasm. He is unafraid of the unseen but presses on with a seeming joy and carefreeness that often many other horses don’t exhibit. Oh, if only he knew what he teaches me…

I used to think that by age 23, I would have everything figured out. There is nothing more false than that childhood fantasy! In fact, it seems that my questions have only increased, my insecurities have only become more revealed, my lack of adequacy only more present, and my unknown future has turned into an understatement. But if I focus on what I do not know, I can only find discouragement and frustration. If I focus on dreams and on imagination, I will only find insignificance.

“Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”[1]

No, I cannot focus on these things I lack, the prayers answered with “wait” or “no,” the thorns never removed, or even the dreams that may or may not come to pass, and the future I think I desire. These thoughts only become little gods that displace my Sovereign Lord from His rule in my life and His work through me. I can only focus on the gifts that He has given me today, knowing that these little steps are mine to take for His Kingdom. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand” (Proverbs 19:21).

You see, you and I have it all wrong. It’s so easy to believe that this life is about us, about our castles in sands, about our dreams and goals coming to pass, about seeing fruits to our labor, and about our little worlds. Yes, God does choose to use our work –but He could still accomplish His plan without us. All He needs to do is speak, and that which He commanded comes to pass. “So shall My word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).

Rather, what He desires most is for me to know Him more, for me to want Him more, and for me to glorify Him more through this growing relationship with Him. It’s not about rules and laws followed or the number of other souls I reach but about my heart truly loving Him. “For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:16-17). Part of wanting Christ more, loving Him more, and glorifying Him more is learning to trust Him more and more, day by day –even in the dark, in the questions, in the pain, in the battles, in the struggles, in the failures, in the long hours of work. Just like Pirate, I need to embrace God’s adventures for me across the fields and woods of life, as He opens and closes the doors, one at a time, or a thousand all at once. In His strength and the confidence He gives me, I can go any speed He needs me to through the various seasons of my journey here –with energy and enthusiasm straight from His heart. I can be unafraid of the unseen and press on with true, secure joy and carefreeness…and watch Him use me to teach others about His truths.

“Eyes On You” –Shane & Shane

I don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
You say that I can hear Your voice
So I am listening

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

I still don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I still don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
As long as You are lifted up
I don't have to understand

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

The battle is the Lord's
So I'll walk towards You in the dark
Cause I know that in the end we win
So I'm all in
Lead me I'm Yours

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

---

[1] From “Be Thou My Vision”

Grateful for this Season

I have always been captivated by the riveting story of Esther: her story of survival and courage in a culture that despised all she held dear is commendable…and a chilling reminder that we are only a breath away from having to face some of the same decisions and consequences in our lives, whether we realize it or not, or whether we believe that they have the same consequences that Esther’s did. In the last few days, I began a more in-depth study of this book through a plan that selects very few verses at a time and links them to a verse in another book. Since the plan offers no hints to their correlation, I, in my go-getter mind, have more than enjoyed the challenge.

On the beginning day, the first pair intrigued me: how could Esther 1:1-4 be linked to Matthew 6:9-21? The Lord began to draw the lines between the dots for me, leaving me in awe at the deepness of the Scriptures once unseen to me. As I continued into the study, the theme of idolatry began to stand out.

It’s easy to believe that idolatry only involves the worship of stone or wooden sculptures. It is easy to believe that we are not breaking one of God’s highest commandments.

Yet, idolatry comes in much more subtle forms too. It creeps in when we are not paying attention, stunting our growth in the Lord, robbing our full attention from His gaze, and warping our passions into our self-glorification. I don’t know where King Xerxes’s idolatry began –perhaps it was in self-absorption, or in his riches and possessions, or in making his genealogy proud. But by the time of his life displayed in Esther 1, it has become so prevalent. Portrayed as a man consumed with his well-being, his welfare before the people, and his riches, Xerxes appears to have it all –including the power to deem what is right or wrong. In fact, at his week-long party, he encourages his guests to do anything they please (v. 10 –strangely reminiscent of Judges 17:6 and 21:25).

But idolatry weakens our hearts, minds, and souls and opens the doors to other sins too. Once we remove God from all or specific parts of our lives, things start to fall apart. When I consider some of my biggest mistakes and failures, I realize that it was when God was no longer my priority: spending time in His Word was on the back-burner, praying was a mumbled last-minute guilt-trip, and accountability with other believers was inexistent.

Xerxes’ life follows this trend: his idolatry opened the door to so much distress. In verses 9-18, the king loses any form of discernment or self-control. Not only does Xerxes lack the discernment to see what calling for Vashti could do to compromise her honorable identity as queen, but he also exhibits strong lack of self-control in her stand against him: instead of quietly dismissing the matter or recognizing his error, he becomes enraged before turning to warped advice: leaving Vashti unpunished will result in national chaos. We know what then happens to Vashti…she is divorced and replaced.

Idolatry has consequences –on us and on other people.

Idolatry can come in the most subtle manners, and as I reflect on decisions for my future, I am so thankful that God has moved me to start recognizing idolatry, its dangers, and its hindering consequences. Putting God first-place is definitely not an easy choice. BUT IT IS WORTH IT. I am so glad He chastens me and removes things from my life because He loves me too much to allow me lesser things, including a distorted relationship with Him. Psalm 73 was quoted in a sermon I heard on Sunday, so I looked more at the context: the Psalmist was devastated by the seeming victories of evil doers –and felt worthless before God in light of his own failures. Yet, he was able to find hope in God and His grace. Truly walking by faith comes to a whole new level when you realize your relationship with Jesus is the only thing you have that will last forever –nothing else is everlasting: not your possessions, not your relationships, not your popularity, nor your health or success.  

Sometimes, God allows pain so that it will draw us closer to Him. He allows punishment for us, His sons and daughters through the blood of Christ. He closes doors when we don’t have the strength to do so ourselves. Even when evil seems to prosper and causes us to be envious of its prosperity, we must remember its victories are NOT forever. Our GOD is enough.

In closing, I must summarize thoughts I heard in a sermon on the radio this evening. Paul went through similar seasons in life as we did, except perhaps on a much more pronounced level at times. In II Cor. 12, he explains that God had granted him a special revelation…but had also allowed a “thorn in the flesh” to keep Paul humble –and boastful only in Christ. This attitude is how we should view our pain, our trials, and our challenges in our lives: opportunities to stay humble, to removes our forming idols, and to only glorify our LORD. “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (v. 10). Each time I go through trial or pain, it seems that it only reaches deeper into my soul, affects me more strongly, or challenges my faith like never before –but I know it also strengthens me as I never dreamed and trains my human eyes to see His unseen and to become closer to His heart. As the radio preacher stated so powerfully, “The pain keeps you humble and His strength brings victory despite it.” As difficult as it is to admit or type this, I know I must be GRATEFUL for these seasons of pain, trial, unknown, and endurance –because they are also seasons of growth in my Savior.

Needy

Today, sitting at my desk filing paperwork and attempting to solve office problems, I felt tired.

Tired because of the check-list. Tired because of graduate demands. Tired because of the prayer list. Tired because of God’s clear answers and His mysteries. Tired because of the mountains. Tired because of the valleys. Tired because of my calling and my dreams. Tired because of the past, present, and future. Tired because of life.

Tired.

God, thank You for moments like these. Thank You for times when I’m simply tired.

It’s when I’m so tired and I have no time to pause that I can be so reminded of Your strength in my weakness, of Your glory in my worthlessness, of Your plan in my darkness, and of Your provision in my need. It’s when I’m so tired that I see that anything good in me and any accomplishment is but Your sovereign grace…because it glorifies You.

Today I am so glad I am tired. I am so glad I am needy.

Being needy throws me at the feet of Jesus, right where I should be.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29). The Christian life is definitely not about finding an easy pass to life. However, it is about finding strength not from ourselves but from the Creator of the universe. We should see the challenges, the fatigue, and the mysteries as check-points for us as to where our anchor truly is resting. When all seems well, it becomes so easy to forget our human frailty and neediness. But I Peter 1:24 challenges us to see our true dusty composition. We, along with the earthly treasures we idolize so much, fade away so quickly.  We are needy. So needy.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God (Psalm 42:5).

We are so needy, but that’s okay: He is all we need. 

But. Love.

As we pass through the seasons of life, we expect certain revelations from God –truths promised at last explained, answers begged for provided, and prayers met as we sought fit. Even though we repeat to ourselves that His ways are higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9), we still act surprised when He answers in another way, when He brings us the unexpected, or when He sheds light on an issue not searched.

But. Love.

Love is what brings us the outcomes of our prayers, the results of our endurance, and the insight on His nature, even if none are what we had asked or wished for. In His love, He allows every detail. Even the tears. Even the heartache. Even the unexplained. Even the answered questions. Even the waiting. And even the unexpected insight. After all, some say that true love comes when you least expect it.

In our blinded mindsets, it’s easy to place love in a box. To quote one of my favorite songs,

Have you ever seen true love
And do you know what it's made of,
And where it came from?

Or could it be the world has left you blind
And every day you pass it by,
You don't even recognize it.

Recently, God has stretched some of my understandings of love, opening my eyes to some of the everlasting greatness of His love. True love would give anything, expecting nothing in return, expecting neither future nor promise of it. True love fights and endures when nothing makes sense. True love means praying in faith, trusting God’s sovereignty in the unseen. True love is not blind but accepts the mistakes –past, present, and future. True love sees the potential but victoriously endures through the reality. True love knows how to give space, to let go, and to establish boundaries. True love proclaims and lives out the promises of God.

We are lost in a world of chaos, misery, despair, lies, and destruction.

But. Love.

True love came down to save us and awaits for us to claim it personally into our lives. This love is the love of God as displayed through the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus gave everything for us, yet expected nothing in return; in fact, He knew even our greatest songs of worship and acts of service would be but rags (Isaiah 64:6). He fought the temptations of Satan in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11) and endured the torture of the cross. Before His crucifixion, Jesus could be found on His knees, yielding His future to His Sovereign Father (Luke 22:42). When we approach Jesus, He, as God, is far from blind to all the sins we have committed…and will still fall to. Yet, He still comes when we call and promises grace to those who humble themselves before Him (James 4:6). Countless times we fail Him yet He still chooses to use us for the growth of His Kingdom (Mark 16:15). Yes, Jesus even gives us space –He knows only in our free will can we come to truly follow Him. In His holiness, He must establish boundaries –and in His perfection, every word and action of Christ is in accordance to His Word.

Yes. But. Love. Will you choose it? Will you embrace it?
Will you love like He loves?

Through Roses and Thorns

“In the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33).

We have been promised this since day one. When Jesus came to earth to bring to pass the ultimate needed sacrifice for our salvation, He challenged His wanna-be followers that the road would be hard. It wasn’t really a matter of if, but rather when.

It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that our life path should be lined with roses. If you are a dreamer like me, it becomes easy to believe that the other side is greener, that once the goal is reached or the dream is lived, everything will be “just roses.” We writers often glory in the “happy endings” we can bring our stories to at our own whim and in our own timing. I am not advocating an attitude of martyrdom; but while God definitely blesses us beyond our sinful nature deserves, even rose bushes have thorns. Every season of life has its ups and downs, its glories and disappointments, its roses and its thorns.

Amy Carmichael, one of my favorite missionaries who has produced beautiful writing collections of honest and sincere faith before the Lord, challenges us with these words: “The Lord Jesus made it plain from the beginning that there would be trail of many kinds for all who would follow Him, and He Himself led the way in that path. Should we be surprised when we find ourselves following in His footsteps?” No, we should not be surprised. We should be humbled and moved to worship that He would call us to follow Him, even though our greatest works are rags and our best of intentions are tainted by our sinful nature. “He wants us all to understand quite definitely that if we follow in the way of the cross we must be prepared to take up the cross,” Carmichael continues. The way is long and difficult. It’s narrow and can be discouraging. It hurts and attempts to destroy us. Even on sunny days and through rows of roses we find thorns.

But this is where joy steps in. This is where being a follower of Christ comes to light.

When hardships and suffering hit, “you are now in a very good position to prove that gift of joy… [Now] is the time to prove the things we believe. Your whole life now is a proving of His power to enable you to do anything. You will never be able to fear again, I think, after all this.” Amy Carmichael hits it again: hardships only remind us of our existing frailty and incompetence that we so easily forget about when all seems to be going our way with little effort. Hardships remind us of our need of the cross –and serve as reminders to others of the glory and victory that comes only through Jesus Christ. Hardships turn us to the heart of Christ and invigorate us with fearless yet graceful strength that will not run dry. This morning when I read Proverbs 18, verse 10 struck me powerfully: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower” –SIMPLY HIS NAME declares His power and security.

We must come to “glory in our infirmities” (II Corinthians 12:9); we must come to the point where we are grateful for the hardships and challenges; we must welcome the opportunities to make more of His glory and power known. “Looking back, I know I would not have chosen any other [path with thorns] if I could have known when first I began to walk in it what it would mean of His companionship, and also of the power to enter into the griefs of others. It was all worthwhile, ten thousand times worthwhile.” It’s true. Trials draw us closer to Him and teach us things about Him and others that we would never even come close to comprehending without these difficult moments. They teach us to love more and be filled with His heart and mind. They show us His ways and open our eyes to His unseen, broadening our impact for His Kingdom and widening our opportunities to glorify Him.

In closing, let’s look at John 16:33 in its entirety: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” We are not alone.

And through Him, we overcome the world too –even through the roses and thorns.

Why Does It Hurt?

Words can be the deadliest of weapons, the most grieving attacks to the human heart, mind, and soul –the cause of the most pain, suffering, and doubt.

Whether or not the words are true, they hurt. They are like darts piercing even through the most calloused heart, the most trained mind, and the strongest soul. They launch at the very being, the core of who we are, and at our very identity. Who we are becomes insignificant, a bother, worthless, and a waste. Even when others try to console us or our logic denies the legitimacy of the attacks, somehow the words echo and take over our thinking, paralyzing our judgment and crippling our efficacy.

Why is it so easy to fall to these attacks? Why is it so easy to believe the words? Why does it hurt?

Because deep down inside, we cannot deny our sinful nature –and our flesh and the enemy like to take advantage of this confession. We know that even if those exact words and accusations were not true, surely we must be guilty of something. And trust me: satan is quick to remind us of our failures, of our vulnerabilities, and of our struggles. He craves to have us dwell on them. If he cannot get us to fall, he will get us to become enslaved to a fearful victim mentality. As so powerfully said in a sermon I heard recently, “the fight for faith is the fight for joy.” Darkness wants us to lose our efficiency for the Kingdom –and it starts by stealing our joy.

So what can we do?

No, we are not to deny our human frailty, our double mindedness, our sinful nature and desires. Rather, we are actually supposed to admit and confess them. But confessions are not the last step –they are only the first. These should become our testimony, our indication to the world of the general need for Christ, and a declaration of His amazing power and love. Our brokenness then only becomes an opportunity for Christ to work and for us to declare His glory (from Standing Firm by Donna Partow).

If you are battling the hurt of words today, remember who you are IN THE LORD. Don’t turn to your own worth or accomplishments because those do not stand. Any things we view as good in our lives are but rags in the eyes of a holy God (Isaiah 64:6). Rather, place your worth and boast in Jesus Christ alone: “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (II Cor. 12:9). The next time someone tells or makes you feel you are worthless, tell them it is true BUT that Christ has made you worthy through the power of His blood in His perfect sacrifice. “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (II Cor. 4:7). Our lives, our accomplishments, our growth, and our prides are but jars of clay –they shatter so easily! But God can still use them because He wants and chooses to –because to Him goes all the glory and praise. “So that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord’” (I Cor. 1:31).

"No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that will rise against you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, says the LORD." -Is. 54:17

THERE IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS

The Shadow of Death

“We as Americans are so blessed and do not have to fear death as much as so many children do around the world,” I commented to the small group of young girls gathered around me at the fire pit. “But a lot of times it feels like we are dying inside –and that can be just as scary.” Several of the girls nodded their heads at me. I could see their thoughts racing, remembering challenging situations their young years had already seen.

It’s true. Dying inside is scary.

It’s as if we were walking, alone and aimless, through a forest of deep, swallowing green, with no clear path but briars and thorns instead catching at our bare arms. It feels like darts are being thrown at our heart, at our very being, or at what we love most –but no one else can really see them.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

This often quoted Psalm used to always make me think of desperate physical situations: soldiers surrounded by the enemy, struggling just to stay alive and committed to their country; a child fighting for his life after being hit by a car; or an elderly person slipping away from this world into eternity. But now I know. Death is not always what is seen or broadcasted on the news. Being challenged by the people we love, making life-impacting decisions, and choosing the narrow path of Christ –all these can make us feel like we are dying inside.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me.

Contrary to an often believed myth of our comfort-loving culture, Christ never promised us an easy road. In fact, usually when an individual approached Him about the possibility of following Him, Jesus challenged this person immediately: it would be hard and possibly life-threatening.  His followers are to love nothing above Christ; their commitment to Christ must come first –and this requirement could mean much, much sacrifice. Possessions, comfort, family, desires, dreams, always being right, always getting the last word, and life itself -these no longer had first priority. In Standing Firm, Donna Partow states to her readers, “We want to live in a world where one plus one always equals two; a place where IF you do this, THEN you get that. Sadly, that’s not the real world.” And, though, we are no longer of this world, we are definitely still in its dark, sinful, hurtful environment. In fact, Christ followers ATTRACT the darts of evil (John 15:19).

YET, even in the valley of the shadow of death, He is there. “Even there will Your hand lead me, and Your right hand will hold me” (Psalm 139:10). When we think God is not at work, HE IS –it’s simply that His thoughts are not ours but higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9). Somehow, He is speaking as much as ever, just not in the words, language, or volume we may think or prefer. A stranger’s prayer, a startling message, a quiet sense of peace by the pond in the evening, a surprise in the mail–He is at work.