Rock of My Gypsy Soul

As I near the peak of a mountain again, I can only reflect once more on the faithfulness of the Lord. All the way He has led me, proving me even more strongly that when He calls He provides, He transforms, and He never leaves. He reinforces my stronghold, making my feet like hinds’ feet, and directing my heart. He has shown me again that He is the Solid Rock to this gypsy soul of mine. He woos my restless spirit and secures my wild heart. Some of you may know about the drastic educational path change I took about two years ago now. While it sounded so foreign from the way I started, I can state with confidence that no, He hasn’t really changed my calling, nor has He kept me from being who I really am. Rather, he has freed my true identity, entrusting me only more firmly with my calling.

When I first started this graduate degree, I worried because I didn’t really want to do it, and its assumed target career was not necessarily the path I would have gladly chosen. I didn’t know why God was calling me to this endeavor. I only pursued it because I knew firmly that was the next step God wanted me to take –I also knew that if just a closer walk with Him was my reward from the many hours of study and sacrifice, I would have reaped the full benefits of obedience. Just knowing Him more would make this part of the journey worth it –because that’s what life is really about.

Oh, dear reader, I still do not fully know the plan, the next step, or my life course…and I am about to graduate in a month! But I know now that knowing everything is not the goal of life. Daily dedicating to knowing God and making Him known to others more and more is. I also now rest secure that God IS in charge of every piece of my life puzzle, planning to use every bit how and when He sees fit. HE is Creator, Author, Painter –and ALL His work is perfect and beautiful –even through my imperfections, impatience, and doubts, or those of other people that may all try to stand in the way of His sovereignty. But that’s the thing about His sovereignty: nothing can oppose it. I now know better than ever before that I can rest and let my heart, mind, and soul be quiet, though I don’t always choose too. As I write this, I am reminded of Paul’s words, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own” (Phil. 3:12).

I stand grateful for my fellow mountain climbers because blessed is this gypsy soul who has them to push me to fall back on my Solid Rock. I also stand amazed at how the Lord answers prayers, though certainly not always in the ways we think: yet His provided pieces of the puzzle fit so perfectly. He provides. He secures. He transforms. Yes, He leads me to the Rock that is higher than I am (Psalm 61:2). What I learned through this degree is more than just a piece of paper but exactly what my heart truly desired: a closer walk with Him, nearer to Him than before, more breath-taken by His nature and more confident of His truth, plan, and faithfulness. 

The Proverbs 31 Mystery (Part 2)

After identifying yesterday as Christ being the center of Proverbs 31, what then can He turn us into if we surrender daily our hearts, minds, and souls to Him?

He makes us trustworthy.

The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he will have no need of spoil (Proverbs 31:11). I dare say that trustworthiness is a direct result of being worth far above rubies –of being virtuous. Those who are virtuous are trustworthy. I would even say all of the other verses of Proverbs 31 are examples of this trustworthiness that results from this virtue. Humbling thought, isn’t it?

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (v. 12).

When we turn to the Lord and let Him renew our minds, He turns conniving deceivers and lie-believers of daughters of Eve into trustworthy, virtuous, confident inheritors of the King. People begin to trust us because Jesus works in and through us, becoming blessings to those around us. [Jesus makes us] perfect in every good work to do His will, working in [us] that which is well-pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ (Heb. 13:21).

There are countless applications to Proverbs 31:11-12! From being a helpmeet to a husband, to turning the world to hope in the Gospel to building up girls in their identity in Christ, our advice and leadership is trustworthy, especially when out of a quiet heart (I Peter 3:4). My French Bible version uses the words “s’assure en elle,” which means the husband finds “assurance” in his Proverbs 31 wife. Believing women bring assurance and affirm others. They choose to “speak the truth in love” (Ephe. 4:15).

He gives us a reliable work ethic.

Regardless of her position, this Proverbs 31 woman transformed by the power of God does what needs to be done. Why? Because now her work is about bringing glory to God (Col. 3:22-24), and her sure reward comes from Him. What she has been given, she is responsible for before God. It has been given to her by God to use, in His grace and strength for His Kingdom (Matt. 25:14-30). Whatever she does, single or married, she has become a manager of it before God.

She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships: she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard (Prov. 31: 13-16).

She finds and looks for ways to take better care of what is under her responsibility. Going out of her way, she is a good steward, becomes generous, and can be trusted to make decisions that impact others. In this passage, it says the woman bought a field and made the decision about it. Clearly her husband trusted her to make that choice and gave her that freedom. This woman was trustworthy.

A Proverbs 31 woman is a dedicated hard worker, and what she doesn’t know how to do, she figures out how…and does it. She is clever, resourceful –characteristics which I think impact tremendously her generosity. She knows that if she were to give away “too much,” she could work to replace what she gave away. In some ways, she works to give away. She is of course only this way because Jesus is transforming her and giving her grace and strength as she renews her mind. Wherefore…give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if you do these things, you will never fall (II Pet. 1:10).

He supplies joie de vivre.

Proverbs 17-22 are very much related to verses 13-16 and seem to work hand-in-hand: She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Because Jesus is making her more and more into a trustworthy hard worker, He is also filling her more and more with a pure and true enjoyment of life, regardless of her situation. She is constantly trying to make the most of it, being filled more and more by His joy and hope. This does not mean things are always easy for her; neither does it mean she is frivolous, careless, and wasteful. No. Because she is a hard worker, she knows she can “afford” to be generous and enjoy giving; she also knows she can “pamper” her own accordingly, wisely within her means. She can truly enjoy her life, regardless of her situation, rich or poor, in sickness or in health, in abundance or in famine (see I Tim. 6:6 and Jer. 29:1-14). She can claim the following with more confidence year by year: Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:11-13).

He moves others to respect her.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she will rejoice in time to come…Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her (Proverbs 31: 23-25).

Because of her behavior and view of herself in Christ, she is respected throughout the community. Respect is often extended to those who associate with her directly, such as her husband, who can’t help but be impacted by her if he isn’t respectable himself. She supports him and brings out the best of him, giving him respect. In some ways, one has to respect to be respected. Those who dislike you will be blown away by the respect you give. This concept makes me think of Proverbs 16:7: When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. A woman filled with Christ may not always be liked for her stands and God-glorifying choices and decisions, but Christ will ensure she is respected one way or another eventually. People will remember her for her Christlikeness.

He creates in her a pure heart.

According to Proverbs 31:26-27 & 29, she reflects purity in heart…because to have lasting and impacting actions and words as described in these verses, Christ will have been transforming her heart into a pure one (Matt. 15:18). Of course, this brings us back to Romans 12:1-2: it takes Jesus to transform us from the inside out when we commit to letting Him renew our minds. After studying the Beatitudes for a couple weeks, I was able to distinguish a link between Proverbs 31 and Matthew 5:8: no wonder this woman of God is called blessed in Proverbs 31:28 –because “blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). That is respectable. That brings true “joie de vivre.” That encourages a strong, God-centered work ethic –because everything becomes for the glory of God. That creates a trustworthy woman. That results in a virtuous woman worth far more than rubies. Yeah!

So we want to be Proverbs 31 women? Let us dedicate ourselves to spending time at Jesus’ feet, developing our relationship with Him, engulfing every Word from Him, and letting His power transform us. We will never be the same.

The Proverbs 31 Mystery

How many of you ever felt overwhelmed when reading the famous Proverbs 31 passage on the description of a godly woman? How many of you lost confidence in your abilities and felt ashamed of your heart? How many of you just suddenly felt very sinful?

Well, let me argue that Proverbs 31:10-31 is not really about you and me.

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies…Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her own works praise her in the gates (Prov. 31: 10, 30-31).

Virtue is the true measure of a woman. A virtuous woman is priceless and timeless. Her impact lasts and reaches into eternity, and her goals and her heart live for and rest in the unseen, motivated by Christ, His love, and the pursuit of His truth and its spreading. But a woman cannot be virtuous on her own: it is impossible and goes against her very own sin nature. Romans 3:9-18 is pretty strong about this: NO ONE is righteous –not one. Ecclesiastes 7:20 and Isaiah 64:6 point that anything “good” we attempt is still flawed, imperfect, and of no eternal worth.

So where is a woman’s hope if she desires to be truly virtuous, eternally impacting the lives of others?

IN JESUS CHRIST ALONE

Jesus Christ makes her virtuous. Even the famous “Proverbs 31” passage points us directly to the heart of the Gospel: humanity’s depravity and Jesus Christ’ reconciliation and transformation of us. All Scripture points to the Gospel, even a woman’s desire for virtue and eternal impact –and even a woman’s lack of ability and accomplishment in this department.

NO ONE can find a virtuous woman apart from Christ.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

It can be easy to be overwhelmed by this “Proverbs 31 list”…because it IS impossible to be this woman without faith in Jesus Christ. But as we let Him renew our minds (Romans 12:2), we can become her. In fact, we can become more: we can become like Christ.

If the life of a “Proverbs 31 woman” could be summarized, I would say one accurate way would be that she lives for the unseen. While other people may see her work and its immediate fruit at times, her heart and its goals lie in the unseen. Rather than focusing on wordly favor and beauty so much, she pursues the Lord, and she is motivated by this relationship she has with Him. He transforms her mind so that she works with this in ambition: her true treasure is in heaven…and this is what she will be known and praised for, if not here on earth, definitely in heaven. Even when everything seems to be crumbling around her, she has hope, joy, and strength because she is focused on the unseen (II Cor. 4:8-18). While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal (II Cor. 4:18).

Therefore we are always confident (II Cor. 5:6).

And this throws us right back to faith in Jesus Christ (Heb. 11:11). Matthew 6:19-34 only reinforces this: our treasure should be in heaven, and the secret to accomplishing that goal is to seek God first (v. 33). He has now become our number one priority –in everything. That is the secret to a “Proverbs 31 woman,” who really is just the sanctification work of Christ in her life as she responds to His daily call to follow and pursue Him. John Piper puts it this way: “Keep your hearts in heaven.” This is how Proverbs 31:25 can go so far to say in some translations: she laughs without fear of the future –not in carelessness but in full confidence in the Lord of her heart –and of her eternity.

No, you see: Proverbs 31:10-31 is not really about you and me. Rather, it is about Christ’s power in and through us. It’s about who we can become in His name as we let His truth fill us daily. So, gentlemen, encourage a woman to pursue Christ if you want her to be virtuous! And, ladies, let us rise to the challenge and give Jesus Christ room to work!

Another Opportunity to Grow

Big or small, the things that challenge us are allowed in our lives for probably more reasons than we can imagine or even will know about until glory. We don’t say for nothing that “God works in mysterious ways.” In our twenty-first century Western World, many of us enjoy mostly carefree childhoods without much awareness of the word “trial.” However, sooner or later, and sooner for some, suddenly our visions of perfect worlds and fairy-tales are shattered by the hard truth of life: trials happen –and they shake everyone. For some, financial distress rocks their boat while others face mind-blowing illness or tragedy. Many face seasons of life they do not particularly like: a job they need but detest; seemingly endless lack of friendships; sacrifices for diligence in a career, degree, family, or goal. Anything can be a trial for someone under the right circumstances –and trials vary from person to person and have different appearances. Yet, all can be for the glory of God and can serve as opportunities to know Him more, become more like Him, and spread His Word.

How shall we then approach this life reality that like a vicious, merciless disease, affects us all at one point or another? 

As believers, we should view trials as opportunities –not as get-rich-quick-schemes but as beautiful stories of redemption and victory by the blood and name of Jesus Christ. Hebrews 12:1-15 is just one passage from God’s Word that illuminates us on this reaction to trials.

Lay aside every weight and sin (v.1) –we don’t often realize how out of shape we are unless we start exercising or preparing for a physical goal of any kind; only then we begin more diligently eliminating certain negative dietary practices. I believe the same concept in life applies too: we do not necessarily notice our lack of spiritual endurance or discipline until trials come our way. A major part of seeing trials as opportunities is recognizing our need to cast some things out of our lives or adopt new ones. I find it interesting that the writer of Hebrews seemed to make a distinction between a “weight” and a “sin.” This suggested separation leads me to believe that a “weight” is probably typically not a sin –just something bogging us down in growth or endurance in our faith. Weights can be difficult to admit or give up…

Run with patience (v. 1) –oh, patience, the “mother of all virtues,” no wonder! One of my best friends and I often clamor about how easily patience has become a mother.
When we think of a patient person, we often envision a very positive, emotionally strong individual, full of grace and joy. That’s who we are supposed to be, even in trials. A definition I found on patience included the following: “state of endurance.” This description brings to mind a need to pace ourselves, to train –and to be sacrificial. Ouch. Maybe that’s why we struggle so much with patience!

Looking unto Jesus (v. 2) –this is one of my favorite parts of this passage. Verse 2 calls Him the “author and finisher” of my faith. This is so powerful: He is not only the One who has saved me from my sinful nature and destructive self –but He is also going to accompany me during the rest of my journey, transforming me one trial at a time. After all, “I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6). I AM SURE. He is absolutely faithful when He calls (I Thess. 5:24). Not only is He our Author and Finisher, but He is also our ultimate example for perseverance through trials: He endured even the cross (Heb. 12: 2-3) because He had the long-term, eternal goal and reward in mind (Phil. 2:8).

Remember who you are: a child of God (v. 4-10) –He punishes and refines those who belong TO HIM. Whether your trials are your punishment or not, they are always there for your refinement (v. 11-15). Only, you have to choose to let them be just that. You can literally become better (more like Jesus) or bitter (v. 15). This reassurance reminds me a lot of Jeremiah 29 where the Jews were in captivity because of their sin; yet God encouraged them to continue LIVING, while they waited for their deliverance. This same concept still applies: make the most of every season, even those of trial, called or uncalled for. Our trials can yield to great transformation but we must look to Jesus for this (James 1:2-5). In fact, we can even GLORY in them because of how God can use them in our lives (Rom. 5:3-5) –and because even just going through them brings us closer to the One who went through the cross (Rom. 5:6; Heb. 12:2-3; Matt. 16:24; Phil. 2:5-6; etc.). We will thus be in the will of God (Rom. 12:2), which is “more important than life itself” (B. Hughes), as displayed so powerfully in Christ’s sacrifice on the cross to offer eternal deliverance and immediate joy (Matt. 26:36-46).

So I leave you with this:

“Lay aside every weight, and the sin that does so easily trip us, and let us run with patience the race that is before us, looking unto Jesus…” (Heb. 12:1-2). 

So Let Us Laugh

 Blessed is the [woman] who remains steadfast under trial (James 1:12).

In Genesis 18, we see the narration of life –a woman given a promise from God, one that is extremely laugh-worthy (like most dreams from God) yet that motivates her to try to make it happen in her own way (ex. Genesis 16). She is a typical woman: she worries about her ability (Genesis 18:12) perhaps because she had already tried to rely on it to attempt to control God’s plan by “helping Him out.” We women like to fall to the lie that God needs our help. Of course, we are to do our part –but we would benefit greatly if only we learned to discern between doing our part and usurping God’s place (Let It Go, K. Ehman). Yet, despite her error, God reiterates His promise in Genesis 18. Maybe that’s why Sarah laughed. Why would God still choose to use her to create a nation?

It’s not until Genesis 21 that the promise has begun to be fulfilled. Somehow, between Genesis 18 and 21, God changed Sarah’s heart. He filled it with faith, perhaps rekindling a faith she used to have. After all, she had accompanied Abraham throughout his whole journey, valleys and mountain tops. She had followed when he left all behind to pursue the one true God; and she had watched her husband deny their marital bond yet discover God protect her fully –not once, but twice (Genesis 12 and 20). She had come to know a God who remains faithful, good, and sovereign. Because of what God had allowed in her life, she could only conclude God’s steadfastness.

And isn’t that the goal for us all?

This is the story of the redeemed woman: God transforming a control-freak, conniving, doubtful soul of a woman into a mountain-building, dream-believing, nation-establishing giant featured in the “faith hall of fame” of Hebrews 11. God is faithful: He changes our hearts and fulfills His promises. “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and whole, wanting nothing” (James 1:3). Jesus and His work are everything –that’s what a woman should realize as she waits, as she endures, as she perseveres. It’s all about the heart change as He works because our story should be about how He gets us from Genesis 18 to Hebrews 11: “that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tried by fire, might be found unto praise and glory and honor at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:7). 

Not just Sarah's heart changed; her laughter was transformed too. Once touched by the redemption of God, her mocking snicker turned into a victorious, confident chuckle because "strength and dignity [became] her clothing, and she laugh[ed] without fear of the future" (Proverbs 31:25). Her God was faithful. And He still is. 

So let us laugh.

*verse outline & connection between Gen. 18 & Heb. 11 from Women of the Bible -Beautiful and Brave by Rachel Wojo

The Story of Us

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated by Esther, the secret Jew turned queen of the Babylonian Empire. Perhaps it was her courage that inspired me, or her commitment to pursuing justice even in the face of great danger –or simply the fact that she was a strong woman in a dark world full of hurt, suffering, and persecution. Recently, I re-read the book of Esther again and was challenged by the deep themes exposed through its plot and the insightful details about the lives, thoughts, and hearts of the different characters of the story.

The recorded events reminded me of today’s world; its characters reflected various people around me; and its concepts challenged my very core. The story of Esther reminded me of me.

The book of Esther is unique because it never mentions the name of God and fails to reveal much, if any, commitment to God by His people, even by the main characters of the story. Rather, we are given insight on very human individuals –people just like you and me. Xerxes is a self-absorbed king, full of passion for his wealth and title; yet he falls in love with a beautiful queen and is willing to give half of his cherished kingdom to her. Haman so loves himself that he is willing to sacrifice honor by plotting to murder his small opposition. We do not know much about Mordecai, but we cannot help but wonder if his request for Esther to hide her Jewish identity was in wise discernment or in fear of men rather than God. Finally, we look at Esther and can call her full of faith or simply committed to her duty to humanity. There are so many ways to look at each of our characters in Esther; and we could argue about their faults and try to place their positive traits on a pedestal. But what we should observe is that they are simply you and me.

What stands out so powerfully in the story of Esther is that coincidences and life choices blend so quickly, forming simply life as we know it too. God’s hand is hidden –yet is still so visibly in control and at work through these seemingly uncontrollable events or attempts at riveting personal actions. Proverbs 21:1 explains that “the king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.” Similarly, Proverbs 19:21 stresses God’s sovereignty as well: “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” It can be difficult to see the hand of God in the life of Esther and those around her, especially when it appears that her entire people group would die. However, God’s promise of the survival of His Jewish people stood even through these challenging times. His plan remained. His ways still triumphed, even if they were hard to see. “God’s methods may vary, but His purposes do not. His workings may be obscured to skeptics by the disguise of coincidence, but the people of God recognize His sovereign hand in the ebb and flow of history. His name is not mentioned, but His influence is unmistakable” (Hill & Walton, p. 351).

Similarly, our lives resemble as those described in the book of Esther. Perhaps we do not face the possible destruction and extinction of our people –but surely we face death, pain, and suffering. Perhaps we do not feel we must deny our family background to be accepted –yet there has at least been one day where your past shamed you or you felt you had to hide what you truly thought. How many of us have denied what we believe? How many of us have hidden behind a title, a degree, a social status, or a position of authority to withhold vulnerability?  

The story of Esther is the story of us. “The thing that makes [Esther] so fascinating is that this is our story…this is a marvelous parallel to what is going on in our own lives” (Stedman, n.p.). None of the characters in Esther were perfect people. Rather, they were all openly flawed, pursuing what they each saw as their highest possession. Yet, the book of Esther also reveals that “God often works quietly behind the scenes to implement His plan. God rescues the Israelites, not because of Esther’s piety, but because saving them is part of His character and His plan, even though at the moment the Jews in Persia are not living obediently. God often works in our lives even when we do not deserve it. God is faithful to His promises and to His plan in spite of us” (Hays & Duvall, p. 249).

The same goes for us and for our story. The hand of God is often hidden, especially if we are not asking Him to reveal it to us. But He is still at work. He is sovereign, even through death, sickness, our doubts, our mistakes, and our shortcomings. “God can accomplish His purposes just as easily through ‘coincidences’ as He can through grand miracles of deliverance. Though He works behind the curtain, He is just as much in control. Events that others see as chance or fate, can be seen by believers as signs of God’s sovereignty” (Hill & Walton, p. 347).

A couple days ago I promised to answer the question of WHO is in control.
Perhaps, I have now. 

You Can Have All This World

In the past couple months or so, God has completely transformed my perspective on my life. Or, rather, He has been working on this for a while –I just have now come to realize it.

Life –what is life?

Knowing the answer to that question is essential to our successful development and pursuits; but how quickly do we attempt to summarize it or produce our own version of repeated fluff?

For some, life is an adventure or a journey. Thousands through the ages find its answers in parties or work or esteem. Others found purpose in family or singleness. All have attempted to define it somehow.

Life is but a vapor, the Bible states (James 4:14), and all of us would be quick to agree. A timeless country song even challenges its listeners through its analogy “Don’t Blink” –because life slips through our hands. One heartbeat, one breath –one blink- can change everything you ever knew in an instant. Though we make plans and should be prepared for the future, we are not promised tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1). All of us have seen life flash by our eyes, with friends and loved ones stolen from us too quickly by death’s snatch.

Here I am almost finished with my graduate degree, and I have no idea what is coming next. The entire world is before me –while at the same time, maybe just a lonely mountain with a forgotten people could be my next abode. I have had so many questions, yet God has only repeated His century-old truth: “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21). Life is not about my will above all but rather about the triumph of His work: to know Him more and more day by day and to make Him known.

So now I must live with His entrusted truth: I must live TODAY fully with eternity in mind. I must live, laugh, love –TODAY. Today is all I have at this moment, and I must choose wisely how I will spend it in order to reflect my utmost purpose: to know Him and make Him known –TODAY. Coincidences become opportunities to grow in Him or to share His glory; life is no longer a solo adventure but a committed journey besides the Savior of my heart, mind, and soul. 

From the Blind

Pirate is a horse with only one eye. Yet, his trust towards his rider baffles me. Embracing adventures across the fields and woods, Pirate walks, trots, and canters with energy and enthusiasm. He is unafraid of the unseen but presses on with a seeming joy and carefreeness that often many other horses don’t exhibit. Oh, if only he knew what he teaches me…

I used to think that by age 23, I would have everything figured out. There is nothing more false than that childhood fantasy! In fact, it seems that my questions have only increased, my insecurities have only become more revealed, my lack of adequacy only more present, and my unknown future has turned into an understatement. But if I focus on what I do not know, I can only find discouragement and frustration. If I focus on dreams and on imagination, I will only find insignificance.

“Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”[1]

No, I cannot focus on these things I lack, the prayers answered with “wait” or “no,” the thorns never removed, or even the dreams that may or may not come to pass, and the future I think I desire. These thoughts only become little gods that displace my Sovereign Lord from His rule in my life and His work through me. I can only focus on the gifts that He has given me today, knowing that these little steps are mine to take for His Kingdom. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand” (Proverbs 19:21).

You see, you and I have it all wrong. It’s so easy to believe that this life is about us, about our castles in sands, about our dreams and goals coming to pass, about seeing fruits to our labor, and about our little worlds. Yes, God does choose to use our work –but He could still accomplish His plan without us. All He needs to do is speak, and that which He commanded comes to pass. “So shall My word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).

Rather, what He desires most is for me to know Him more, for me to want Him more, and for me to glorify Him more through this growing relationship with Him. It’s not about rules and laws followed or the number of other souls I reach but about my heart truly loving Him. “For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:16-17). Part of wanting Christ more, loving Him more, and glorifying Him more is learning to trust Him more and more, day by day –even in the dark, in the questions, in the pain, in the battles, in the struggles, in the failures, in the long hours of work. Just like Pirate, I need to embrace God’s adventures for me across the fields and woods of life, as He opens and closes the doors, one at a time, or a thousand all at once. In His strength and the confidence He gives me, I can go any speed He needs me to through the various seasons of my journey here –with energy and enthusiasm straight from His heart. I can be unafraid of the unseen and press on with true, secure joy and carefreeness…and watch Him use me to teach others about His truths.

“Eyes On You” –Shane & Shane

I don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
You say that I can hear Your voice
So I am listening

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

I still don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I still don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
As long as You are lifted up
I don't have to understand

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

The battle is the Lord's
So I'll walk towards You in the dark
Cause I know that in the end we win
So I'm all in
Lead me I'm Yours

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

---

[1] From “Be Thou My Vision”

Grateful for this Season

I have always been captivated by the riveting story of Esther: her story of survival and courage in a culture that despised all she held dear is commendable…and a chilling reminder that we are only a breath away from having to face some of the same decisions and consequences in our lives, whether we realize it or not, or whether we believe that they have the same consequences that Esther’s did. In the last few days, I began a more in-depth study of this book through a plan that selects very few verses at a time and links them to a verse in another book. Since the plan offers no hints to their correlation, I, in my go-getter mind, have more than enjoyed the challenge.

On the beginning day, the first pair intrigued me: how could Esther 1:1-4 be linked to Matthew 6:9-21? The Lord began to draw the lines between the dots for me, leaving me in awe at the deepness of the Scriptures once unseen to me. As I continued into the study, the theme of idolatry began to stand out.

It’s easy to believe that idolatry only involves the worship of stone or wooden sculptures. It is easy to believe that we are not breaking one of God’s highest commandments.

Yet, idolatry comes in much more subtle forms too. It creeps in when we are not paying attention, stunting our growth in the Lord, robbing our full attention from His gaze, and warping our passions into our self-glorification. I don’t know where King Xerxes’s idolatry began –perhaps it was in self-absorption, or in his riches and possessions, or in making his genealogy proud. But by the time of his life displayed in Esther 1, it has become so prevalent. Portrayed as a man consumed with his well-being, his welfare before the people, and his riches, Xerxes appears to have it all –including the power to deem what is right or wrong. In fact, at his week-long party, he encourages his guests to do anything they please (v. 10 –strangely reminiscent of Judges 17:6 and 21:25).

But idolatry weakens our hearts, minds, and souls and opens the doors to other sins too. Once we remove God from all or specific parts of our lives, things start to fall apart. When I consider some of my biggest mistakes and failures, I realize that it was when God was no longer my priority: spending time in His Word was on the back-burner, praying was a mumbled last-minute guilt-trip, and accountability with other believers was inexistent.

Xerxes’ life follows this trend: his idolatry opened the door to so much distress. In verses 9-18, the king loses any form of discernment or self-control. Not only does Xerxes lack the discernment to see what calling for Vashti could do to compromise her honorable identity as queen, but he also exhibits strong lack of self-control in her stand against him: instead of quietly dismissing the matter or recognizing his error, he becomes enraged before turning to warped advice: leaving Vashti unpunished will result in national chaos. We know what then happens to Vashti…she is divorced and replaced.

Idolatry has consequences –on us and on other people.

Idolatry can come in the most subtle manners, and as I reflect on decisions for my future, I am so thankful that God has moved me to start recognizing idolatry, its dangers, and its hindering consequences. Putting God first-place is definitely not an easy choice. BUT IT IS WORTH IT. I am so glad He chastens me and removes things from my life because He loves me too much to allow me lesser things, including a distorted relationship with Him. Psalm 73 was quoted in a sermon I heard on Sunday, so I looked more at the context: the Psalmist was devastated by the seeming victories of evil doers –and felt worthless before God in light of his own failures. Yet, he was able to find hope in God and His grace. Truly walking by faith comes to a whole new level when you realize your relationship with Jesus is the only thing you have that will last forever –nothing else is everlasting: not your possessions, not your relationships, not your popularity, nor your health or success.  

Sometimes, God allows pain so that it will draw us closer to Him. He allows punishment for us, His sons and daughters through the blood of Christ. He closes doors when we don’t have the strength to do so ourselves. Even when evil seems to prosper and causes us to be envious of its prosperity, we must remember its victories are NOT forever. Our GOD is enough.

In closing, I must summarize thoughts I heard in a sermon on the radio this evening. Paul went through similar seasons in life as we did, except perhaps on a much more pronounced level at times. In II Cor. 12, he explains that God had granted him a special revelation…but had also allowed a “thorn in the flesh” to keep Paul humble –and boastful only in Christ. This attitude is how we should view our pain, our trials, and our challenges in our lives: opportunities to stay humble, to removes our forming idols, and to only glorify our LORD. “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (v. 10). Each time I go through trial or pain, it seems that it only reaches deeper into my soul, affects me more strongly, or challenges my faith like never before –but I know it also strengthens me as I never dreamed and trains my human eyes to see His unseen and to become closer to His heart. As the radio preacher stated so powerfully, “The pain keeps you humble and His strength brings victory despite it.” As difficult as it is to admit or type this, I know I must be GRATEFUL for these seasons of pain, trial, unknown, and endurance –because they are also seasons of growth in my Savior.

Needy

Today, sitting at my desk filing paperwork and attempting to solve office problems, I felt tired.

Tired because of the check-list. Tired because of graduate demands. Tired because of the prayer list. Tired because of God’s clear answers and His mysteries. Tired because of the mountains. Tired because of the valleys. Tired because of my calling and my dreams. Tired because of the past, present, and future. Tired because of life.

Tired.

God, thank You for moments like these. Thank You for times when I’m simply tired.

It’s when I’m so tired and I have no time to pause that I can be so reminded of Your strength in my weakness, of Your glory in my worthlessness, of Your plan in my darkness, and of Your provision in my need. It’s when I’m so tired that I see that anything good in me and any accomplishment is but Your sovereign grace…because it glorifies You.

Today I am so glad I am tired. I am so glad I am needy.

Being needy throws me at the feet of Jesus, right where I should be.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29). The Christian life is definitely not about finding an easy pass to life. However, it is about finding strength not from ourselves but from the Creator of the universe. We should see the challenges, the fatigue, and the mysteries as check-points for us as to where our anchor truly is resting. When all seems well, it becomes so easy to forget our human frailty and neediness. But I Peter 1:24 challenges us to see our true dusty composition. We, along with the earthly treasures we idolize so much, fade away so quickly.  We are needy. So needy.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God (Psalm 42:5).

We are so needy, but that’s okay: He is all we need. 

But. Love.

As we pass through the seasons of life, we expect certain revelations from God –truths promised at last explained, answers begged for provided, and prayers met as we sought fit. Even though we repeat to ourselves that His ways are higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9), we still act surprised when He answers in another way, when He brings us the unexpected, or when He sheds light on an issue not searched.

But. Love.

Love is what brings us the outcomes of our prayers, the results of our endurance, and the insight on His nature, even if none are what we had asked or wished for. In His love, He allows every detail. Even the tears. Even the heartache. Even the unexplained. Even the answered questions. Even the waiting. And even the unexpected insight. After all, some say that true love comes when you least expect it.

In our blinded mindsets, it’s easy to place love in a box. To quote one of my favorite songs,

Have you ever seen true love
And do you know what it's made of,
And where it came from?

Or could it be the world has left you blind
And every day you pass it by,
You don't even recognize it.

Recently, God has stretched some of my understandings of love, opening my eyes to some of the everlasting greatness of His love. True love would give anything, expecting nothing in return, expecting neither future nor promise of it. True love fights and endures when nothing makes sense. True love means praying in faith, trusting God’s sovereignty in the unseen. True love is not blind but accepts the mistakes –past, present, and future. True love sees the potential but victoriously endures through the reality. True love knows how to give space, to let go, and to establish boundaries. True love proclaims and lives out the promises of God.

We are lost in a world of chaos, misery, despair, lies, and destruction.

But. Love.

True love came down to save us and awaits for us to claim it personally into our lives. This love is the love of God as displayed through the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus gave everything for us, yet expected nothing in return; in fact, He knew even our greatest songs of worship and acts of service would be but rags (Isaiah 64:6). He fought the temptations of Satan in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11) and endured the torture of the cross. Before His crucifixion, Jesus could be found on His knees, yielding His future to His Sovereign Father (Luke 22:42). When we approach Jesus, He, as God, is far from blind to all the sins we have committed…and will still fall to. Yet, He still comes when we call and promises grace to those who humble themselves before Him (James 4:6). Countless times we fail Him yet He still chooses to use us for the growth of His Kingdom (Mark 16:15). Yes, Jesus even gives us space –He knows only in our free will can we come to truly follow Him. In His holiness, He must establish boundaries –and in His perfection, every word and action of Christ is in accordance to His Word.

Yes. But. Love. Will you choose it? Will you embrace it?
Will you love like He loves?

Through Roses and Thorns

“In the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33).

We have been promised this since day one. When Jesus came to earth to bring to pass the ultimate needed sacrifice for our salvation, He challenged His wanna-be followers that the road would be hard. It wasn’t really a matter of if, but rather when.

It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that our life path should be lined with roses. If you are a dreamer like me, it becomes easy to believe that the other side is greener, that once the goal is reached or the dream is lived, everything will be “just roses.” We writers often glory in the “happy endings” we can bring our stories to at our own whim and in our own timing. I am not advocating an attitude of martyrdom; but while God definitely blesses us beyond our sinful nature deserves, even rose bushes have thorns. Every season of life has its ups and downs, its glories and disappointments, its roses and its thorns.

Amy Carmichael, one of my favorite missionaries who has produced beautiful writing collections of honest and sincere faith before the Lord, challenges us with these words: “The Lord Jesus made it plain from the beginning that there would be trail of many kinds for all who would follow Him, and He Himself led the way in that path. Should we be surprised when we find ourselves following in His footsteps?” No, we should not be surprised. We should be humbled and moved to worship that He would call us to follow Him, even though our greatest works are rags and our best of intentions are tainted by our sinful nature. “He wants us all to understand quite definitely that if we follow in the way of the cross we must be prepared to take up the cross,” Carmichael continues. The way is long and difficult. It’s narrow and can be discouraging. It hurts and attempts to destroy us. Even on sunny days and through rows of roses we find thorns.

But this is where joy steps in. This is where being a follower of Christ comes to light.

When hardships and suffering hit, “you are now in a very good position to prove that gift of joy… [Now] is the time to prove the things we believe. Your whole life now is a proving of His power to enable you to do anything. You will never be able to fear again, I think, after all this.” Amy Carmichael hits it again: hardships only remind us of our existing frailty and incompetence that we so easily forget about when all seems to be going our way with little effort. Hardships remind us of our need of the cross –and serve as reminders to others of the glory and victory that comes only through Jesus Christ. Hardships turn us to the heart of Christ and invigorate us with fearless yet graceful strength that will not run dry. This morning when I read Proverbs 18, verse 10 struck me powerfully: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower” –SIMPLY HIS NAME declares His power and security.

We must come to “glory in our infirmities” (II Corinthians 12:9); we must come to the point where we are grateful for the hardships and challenges; we must welcome the opportunities to make more of His glory and power known. “Looking back, I know I would not have chosen any other [path with thorns] if I could have known when first I began to walk in it what it would mean of His companionship, and also of the power to enter into the griefs of others. It was all worthwhile, ten thousand times worthwhile.” It’s true. Trials draw us closer to Him and teach us things about Him and others that we would never even come close to comprehending without these difficult moments. They teach us to love more and be filled with His heart and mind. They show us His ways and open our eyes to His unseen, broadening our impact for His Kingdom and widening our opportunities to glorify Him.

In closing, let’s look at John 16:33 in its entirety: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” We are not alone.

And through Him, we overcome the world too –even through the roses and thorns.

Tearing Down Our High Places

Do you have an idol in your house? Perhaps a glowing shrine, a molded image, or a prized genie in a bottle? Chances are you jumped to your response, almost offended that I even ask you that: No! Of course not! That’s against one of the Ten Commandments!

You are correct: the forbearance of idols and other graven images does belong in God’s law: “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God…” (Exodus 20:4-5).

Throughout I & II Kings, I discovered a people of God absolutely living the life in the Promised Land. Undoubtedly, they knew days of drought and challenges, but prosperity and success often came their way too. They had certainly not forgotten God: they had built Him a beautiful, spectacular house, after all. They revered the Lord who had delivered them from Egypt and turned to Him for help when enemy invaders would threaten. They sometimes had zealots, too, preach across the land, like Elijah, Elisha, and Isaiah –they were sometimes far-fetched to many, though, begging for wholehearted revival before the face of a holy, righteous God who does not tolerate apathy or self-destruction forever. Their kings were not always bad, though; in fact, several of them actually followed the Lord and cared about His commandments –but why bother destroying the high places? They didn’t really believe in them anyways… They couldn’t really impact them or hinder their growth in the Lord. They couldn't really impact their testimony.

This society sounds normal and average to us. We make time for God when we can, stick a memory verse here and there, believing more in the power of the post-it than in that of the Word. Worship services have become a competition, while we forget that thousands of believers must meet in secret across the world…and we forget the price that was paid for us to even approach the throne of God.

This life has become normal to us. It is yours, and it is mine.

We try to follow the Lord –we check off our devotions from our to-do lists, we obey the laws and regulations –mostly, or so we firmly try to convince ourselves. But have we destroyed our high places? To quote a song by Tenth Avenue North, what DO we know of holy?

II Kings reveals a time of great social change and unrest. A collection of kings ruled a now split Promised Land. Many were evil and replaced sincere, pure, and Spirit-led worship of the One true God with Satan-driven awe of everything else. Sacrifices of humans became prevalent, along with other pagan practices. Occasionally, a well-intentioned king would step in. He would seek the Lord, attempt to obey the commandments –but the Bible frequently states that these kings did not destroy the high places (II Kings 14:3-4). The true problem remained: the heart and God’s place in it.

We all have these high places. When we cling to these -whether they be outward or inward gods- we displace God of His rightful authority and sovereignty. Of course not all of these may be inherently evil, but if they take the place of God in our lives, they do become just the same as sin. We must pray for the discernment to identify these, as well as the humility to let God pull these out of our hearts, minds, and souls. From the desire for success to the craving for friendship, from the pursuit of dreams to the pride of the heart, from the dangers of covetousness to the slavery of always wanting to be right –all of these can be our high places.

We should be the zealots. We should be those preaching the Gospel at the risk of sounding like maniacs. We should be standing out and standing alone for the sake of Christ. We should be yielded to the work of the Spirit that we can run faster than kings in chariots drawn by the fastest, best horses (I Kings 18: 46). We should be seeking God’s still, small voice in the chaos that surrounds us (I Kings 19:12). We should be so filled with the power of God that our enemies can only ask where does our confidence come from (II Kings 18:19-20).

But we cannot live like this without giving up lesser things. To live like this, we need to tear down our high places. 

DELIGHT.

I just finished reading Deuteronomy, and I never expected to be so blessed and so touched by that book as I have been for the past couple weeks. There is so much I could write about it, and maybe I’ll focus more posts on some of its many, rich themes, but for now I’d like to spend time on DELIGHT in the Lord. It stuck out much, much more than in the previous books of the Pentateuch.

Yes, there is definitely throughout Deuteronomy still a strong emphasis on the laws the Jews were expected to follow. But something much more powerful than the law shine through as well –an emotion and a commitment, both wrapped up so powerfully in the life and truth offered by the Word. My Bible commentary mentioned that Deuteronomy contains one of the first declarations of God’s love for His people. This in turn works as motivation for the people to turn to this God and to His love. After all, I John 4:19 confesses, “We love Him, because He first loved us.”

This love, I think, when it grows, turns into DELIGHT. Deuteronomy 10:12-13 provides a beautiful summary of the Ten Commandments, as well as a revealing testimony of truly delighting in the Lord:

1.     Fear the Lord

2.     Walk in all His ways

3.     Love the Lord

4.     Serve Him with your all

5.     Keep His commandments

As we follow His Words, we can rest in the knowledge that He will reward in His best time (Deut. 11:33-34). As we cleave to Him (v. 20), He becomes most importantly our true praise and moves into the correct position in our lives: GOD (v. 21). He becomes the rightful Author of every good thing (James 1:17) and the Mighty Deliverer from the evil He allows (Matthew 4:1, 11; Deut. 7:18, 21; 20:1-4). He is our consuming fire of righteousness (Deut. 4:24; Matthew 3:11) –fire by night and cloud by day. He allures us by His goodness and justice: we all crave both deep down in our hearts. The more we dive into His Word, the more we love and delight in it (Psalm 119:16). I can definitely testify to this! Ever since I started this amazing journey of reading the Bible from cover to cover, I have seen the Word come alive around me; I have become more aware of His work; and I have become more enraptured by His nature.

Don’t get me wrong: this transformation and renewal does not happen overnight and does not become fulfilled until we meet Him face to face (Phil. 3:12). But because of the precious and selfless sacrifice of Christ’s life and my choice to claim Him as my Savior, I can walk on this journey of boundless discovery of His character, His ways, and His plan –with delight in every step when I keep my gaze on His (Phil. 3:13-14). “You shall rejoice in all that you put your hand to…wherever the Lord your God has blessed you” (Deut. 12:7). I will rejoice. I will delight.

In closing, I would like to include a passage from Kisses from Katie, a book I am currently reading about a young missionary in Uganda:

“For as long as I can remember, one of my favorite Bible verses has been Psalm 37:4: ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.’ I used to believe it meant that if I did what the Lord asked of me, followed His commandments, and was a ‘good girl,’ He would grant all my desires and make my dreams come true. Today, this is still one of my favorite passages of Scripture, but I have learned to interpret it in a totally different way. It is not about God making my dreams come true but about God changing my dreams into His dreams for my life.

Today I am living the desires of my heart and I cannot imagine being happier; I cannot imagine living any other life than the one that unfolds before me day by day. But believe me, I am by no means living my plan… This is not a life that I dreamed up on my own or even knew I desired. I am watching God work, and as I ‘delight myself in the Lord’ by doing what He asks of me and by saying yes to the needs He places in front of me, He is changing the desires of my heart and aligning them with the desires of His. As I go with Him to the hard places, He changes them into the most joyful places I could imagine.”

As you come to delight more and more in the Lord and His Word, He may or may not ask you to completely change your lifestyle or pursuits as He did for Katie. Each one of us has a different, specific calling. But the main goal that is the same for all of us to "love the Lord thy God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27).