Rock of My Gypsy Soul

As I near the peak of a mountain again, I can only reflect once more on the faithfulness of the Lord. All the way He has led me, proving me even more strongly that when He calls He provides, He transforms, and He never leaves. He reinforces my stronghold, making my feet like hinds’ feet, and directing my heart. He has shown me again that He is the Solid Rock to this gypsy soul of mine. He woos my restless spirit and secures my wild heart. Some of you may know about the drastic educational path change I took about two years ago now. While it sounded so foreign from the way I started, I can state with confidence that no, He hasn’t really changed my calling, nor has He kept me from being who I really am. Rather, he has freed my true identity, entrusting me only more firmly with my calling.

When I first started this graduate degree, I worried because I didn’t really want to do it, and its assumed target career was not necessarily the path I would have gladly chosen. I didn’t know why God was calling me to this endeavor. I only pursued it because I knew firmly that was the next step God wanted me to take –I also knew that if just a closer walk with Him was my reward from the many hours of study and sacrifice, I would have reaped the full benefits of obedience. Just knowing Him more would make this part of the journey worth it –because that’s what life is really about.

Oh, dear reader, I still do not fully know the plan, the next step, or my life course…and I am about to graduate in a month! But I know now that knowing everything is not the goal of life. Daily dedicating to knowing God and making Him known to others more and more is. I also now rest secure that God IS in charge of every piece of my life puzzle, planning to use every bit how and when He sees fit. HE is Creator, Author, Painter –and ALL His work is perfect and beautiful –even through my imperfections, impatience, and doubts, or those of other people that may all try to stand in the way of His sovereignty. But that’s the thing about His sovereignty: nothing can oppose it. I now know better than ever before that I can rest and let my heart, mind, and soul be quiet, though I don’t always choose too. As I write this, I am reminded of Paul’s words, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own” (Phil. 3:12).

I stand grateful for my fellow mountain climbers because blessed is this gypsy soul who has them to push me to fall back on my Solid Rock. I also stand amazed at how the Lord answers prayers, though certainly not always in the ways we think: yet His provided pieces of the puzzle fit so perfectly. He provides. He secures. He transforms. Yes, He leads me to the Rock that is higher than I am (Psalm 61:2). What I learned through this degree is more than just a piece of paper but exactly what my heart truly desired: a closer walk with Him, nearer to Him than before, more breath-taken by His nature and more confident of His truth, plan, and faithfulness. 

The Proverbs 31 Mystery (Part 2)

After identifying yesterday as Christ being the center of Proverbs 31, what then can He turn us into if we surrender daily our hearts, minds, and souls to Him?

He makes us trustworthy.

The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he will have no need of spoil (Proverbs 31:11). I dare say that trustworthiness is a direct result of being worth far above rubies –of being virtuous. Those who are virtuous are trustworthy. I would even say all of the other verses of Proverbs 31 are examples of this trustworthiness that results from this virtue. Humbling thought, isn’t it?

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (v. 12).

When we turn to the Lord and let Him renew our minds, He turns conniving deceivers and lie-believers of daughters of Eve into trustworthy, virtuous, confident inheritors of the King. People begin to trust us because Jesus works in and through us, becoming blessings to those around us. [Jesus makes us] perfect in every good work to do His will, working in [us] that which is well-pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ (Heb. 13:21).

There are countless applications to Proverbs 31:11-12! From being a helpmeet to a husband, to turning the world to hope in the Gospel to building up girls in their identity in Christ, our advice and leadership is trustworthy, especially when out of a quiet heart (I Peter 3:4). My French Bible version uses the words “s’assure en elle,” which means the husband finds “assurance” in his Proverbs 31 wife. Believing women bring assurance and affirm others. They choose to “speak the truth in love” (Ephe. 4:15).

He gives us a reliable work ethic.

Regardless of her position, this Proverbs 31 woman transformed by the power of God does what needs to be done. Why? Because now her work is about bringing glory to God (Col. 3:22-24), and her sure reward comes from Him. What she has been given, she is responsible for before God. It has been given to her by God to use, in His grace and strength for His Kingdom (Matt. 25:14-30). Whatever she does, single or married, she has become a manager of it before God.

She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships: she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard (Prov. 31: 13-16).

She finds and looks for ways to take better care of what is under her responsibility. Going out of her way, she is a good steward, becomes generous, and can be trusted to make decisions that impact others. In this passage, it says the woman bought a field and made the decision about it. Clearly her husband trusted her to make that choice and gave her that freedom. This woman was trustworthy.

A Proverbs 31 woman is a dedicated hard worker, and what she doesn’t know how to do, she figures out how…and does it. She is clever, resourceful –characteristics which I think impact tremendously her generosity. She knows that if she were to give away “too much,” she could work to replace what she gave away. In some ways, she works to give away. She is of course only this way because Jesus is transforming her and giving her grace and strength as she renews her mind. Wherefore…give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if you do these things, you will never fall (II Pet. 1:10).

He supplies joie de vivre.

Proverbs 17-22 are very much related to verses 13-16 and seem to work hand-in-hand: She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Because Jesus is making her more and more into a trustworthy hard worker, He is also filling her more and more with a pure and true enjoyment of life, regardless of her situation. She is constantly trying to make the most of it, being filled more and more by His joy and hope. This does not mean things are always easy for her; neither does it mean she is frivolous, careless, and wasteful. No. Because she is a hard worker, she knows she can “afford” to be generous and enjoy giving; she also knows she can “pamper” her own accordingly, wisely within her means. She can truly enjoy her life, regardless of her situation, rich or poor, in sickness or in health, in abundance or in famine (see I Tim. 6:6 and Jer. 29:1-14). She can claim the following with more confidence year by year: Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:11-13).

He moves others to respect her.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she will rejoice in time to come…Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her (Proverbs 31: 23-25).

Because of her behavior and view of herself in Christ, she is respected throughout the community. Respect is often extended to those who associate with her directly, such as her husband, who can’t help but be impacted by her if he isn’t respectable himself. She supports him and brings out the best of him, giving him respect. In some ways, one has to respect to be respected. Those who dislike you will be blown away by the respect you give. This concept makes me think of Proverbs 16:7: When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. A woman filled with Christ may not always be liked for her stands and God-glorifying choices and decisions, but Christ will ensure she is respected one way or another eventually. People will remember her for her Christlikeness.

He creates in her a pure heart.

According to Proverbs 31:26-27 & 29, she reflects purity in heart…because to have lasting and impacting actions and words as described in these verses, Christ will have been transforming her heart into a pure one (Matt. 15:18). Of course, this brings us back to Romans 12:1-2: it takes Jesus to transform us from the inside out when we commit to letting Him renew our minds. After studying the Beatitudes for a couple weeks, I was able to distinguish a link between Proverbs 31 and Matthew 5:8: no wonder this woman of God is called blessed in Proverbs 31:28 –because “blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). That is respectable. That brings true “joie de vivre.” That encourages a strong, God-centered work ethic –because everything becomes for the glory of God. That creates a trustworthy woman. That results in a virtuous woman worth far more than rubies. Yeah!

So we want to be Proverbs 31 women? Let us dedicate ourselves to spending time at Jesus’ feet, developing our relationship with Him, engulfing every Word from Him, and letting His power transform us. We will never be the same.

The Proverbs 31 Mystery

How many of you ever felt overwhelmed when reading the famous Proverbs 31 passage on the description of a godly woman? How many of you lost confidence in your abilities and felt ashamed of your heart? How many of you just suddenly felt very sinful?

Well, let me argue that Proverbs 31:10-31 is not really about you and me.

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies…Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her own works praise her in the gates (Prov. 31: 10, 30-31).

Virtue is the true measure of a woman. A virtuous woman is priceless and timeless. Her impact lasts and reaches into eternity, and her goals and her heart live for and rest in the unseen, motivated by Christ, His love, and the pursuit of His truth and its spreading. But a woman cannot be virtuous on her own: it is impossible and goes against her very own sin nature. Romans 3:9-18 is pretty strong about this: NO ONE is righteous –not one. Ecclesiastes 7:20 and Isaiah 64:6 point that anything “good” we attempt is still flawed, imperfect, and of no eternal worth.

So where is a woman’s hope if she desires to be truly virtuous, eternally impacting the lives of others?

IN JESUS CHRIST ALONE

Jesus Christ makes her virtuous. Even the famous “Proverbs 31” passage points us directly to the heart of the Gospel: humanity’s depravity and Jesus Christ’ reconciliation and transformation of us. All Scripture points to the Gospel, even a woman’s desire for virtue and eternal impact –and even a woman’s lack of ability and accomplishment in this department.

NO ONE can find a virtuous woman apart from Christ.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

It can be easy to be overwhelmed by this “Proverbs 31 list”…because it IS impossible to be this woman without faith in Jesus Christ. But as we let Him renew our minds (Romans 12:2), we can become her. In fact, we can become more: we can become like Christ.

If the life of a “Proverbs 31 woman” could be summarized, I would say one accurate way would be that she lives for the unseen. While other people may see her work and its immediate fruit at times, her heart and its goals lie in the unseen. Rather than focusing on wordly favor and beauty so much, she pursues the Lord, and she is motivated by this relationship she has with Him. He transforms her mind so that she works with this in ambition: her true treasure is in heaven…and this is what she will be known and praised for, if not here on earth, definitely in heaven. Even when everything seems to be crumbling around her, she has hope, joy, and strength because she is focused on the unseen (II Cor. 4:8-18). While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal (II Cor. 4:18).

Therefore we are always confident (II Cor. 5:6).

And this throws us right back to faith in Jesus Christ (Heb. 11:11). Matthew 6:19-34 only reinforces this: our treasure should be in heaven, and the secret to accomplishing that goal is to seek God first (v. 33). He has now become our number one priority –in everything. That is the secret to a “Proverbs 31 woman,” who really is just the sanctification work of Christ in her life as she responds to His daily call to follow and pursue Him. John Piper puts it this way: “Keep your hearts in heaven.” This is how Proverbs 31:25 can go so far to say in some translations: she laughs without fear of the future –not in carelessness but in full confidence in the Lord of her heart –and of her eternity.

No, you see: Proverbs 31:10-31 is not really about you and me. Rather, it is about Christ’s power in and through us. It’s about who we can become in His name as we let His truth fill us daily. So, gentlemen, encourage a woman to pursue Christ if you want her to be virtuous! And, ladies, let us rise to the challenge and give Jesus Christ room to work!

Another Opportunity to Grow

Big or small, the things that challenge us are allowed in our lives for probably more reasons than we can imagine or even will know about until glory. We don’t say for nothing that “God works in mysterious ways.” In our twenty-first century Western World, many of us enjoy mostly carefree childhoods without much awareness of the word “trial.” However, sooner or later, and sooner for some, suddenly our visions of perfect worlds and fairy-tales are shattered by the hard truth of life: trials happen –and they shake everyone. For some, financial distress rocks their boat while others face mind-blowing illness or tragedy. Many face seasons of life they do not particularly like: a job they need but detest; seemingly endless lack of friendships; sacrifices for diligence in a career, degree, family, or goal. Anything can be a trial for someone under the right circumstances –and trials vary from person to person and have different appearances. Yet, all can be for the glory of God and can serve as opportunities to know Him more, become more like Him, and spread His Word.

How shall we then approach this life reality that like a vicious, merciless disease, affects us all at one point or another? 

As believers, we should view trials as opportunities –not as get-rich-quick-schemes but as beautiful stories of redemption and victory by the blood and name of Jesus Christ. Hebrews 12:1-15 is just one passage from God’s Word that illuminates us on this reaction to trials.

Lay aside every weight and sin (v.1) –we don’t often realize how out of shape we are unless we start exercising or preparing for a physical goal of any kind; only then we begin more diligently eliminating certain negative dietary practices. I believe the same concept in life applies too: we do not necessarily notice our lack of spiritual endurance or discipline until trials come our way. A major part of seeing trials as opportunities is recognizing our need to cast some things out of our lives or adopt new ones. I find it interesting that the writer of Hebrews seemed to make a distinction between a “weight” and a “sin.” This suggested separation leads me to believe that a “weight” is probably typically not a sin –just something bogging us down in growth or endurance in our faith. Weights can be difficult to admit or give up…

Run with patience (v. 1) –oh, patience, the “mother of all virtues,” no wonder! One of my best friends and I often clamor about how easily patience has become a mother.
When we think of a patient person, we often envision a very positive, emotionally strong individual, full of grace and joy. That’s who we are supposed to be, even in trials. A definition I found on patience included the following: “state of endurance.” This description brings to mind a need to pace ourselves, to train –and to be sacrificial. Ouch. Maybe that’s why we struggle so much with patience!

Looking unto Jesus (v. 2) –this is one of my favorite parts of this passage. Verse 2 calls Him the “author and finisher” of my faith. This is so powerful: He is not only the One who has saved me from my sinful nature and destructive self –but He is also going to accompany me during the rest of my journey, transforming me one trial at a time. After all, “I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6). I AM SURE. He is absolutely faithful when He calls (I Thess. 5:24). Not only is He our Author and Finisher, but He is also our ultimate example for perseverance through trials: He endured even the cross (Heb. 12: 2-3) because He had the long-term, eternal goal and reward in mind (Phil. 2:8).

Remember who you are: a child of God (v. 4-10) –He punishes and refines those who belong TO HIM. Whether your trials are your punishment or not, they are always there for your refinement (v. 11-15). Only, you have to choose to let them be just that. You can literally become better (more like Jesus) or bitter (v. 15). This reassurance reminds me a lot of Jeremiah 29 where the Jews were in captivity because of their sin; yet God encouraged them to continue LIVING, while they waited for their deliverance. This same concept still applies: make the most of every season, even those of trial, called or uncalled for. Our trials can yield to great transformation but we must look to Jesus for this (James 1:2-5). In fact, we can even GLORY in them because of how God can use them in our lives (Rom. 5:3-5) –and because even just going through them brings us closer to the One who went through the cross (Rom. 5:6; Heb. 12:2-3; Matt. 16:24; Phil. 2:5-6; etc.). We will thus be in the will of God (Rom. 12:2), which is “more important than life itself” (B. Hughes), as displayed so powerfully in Christ’s sacrifice on the cross to offer eternal deliverance and immediate joy (Matt. 26:36-46).

So I leave you with this:

“Lay aside every weight, and the sin that does so easily trip us, and let us run with patience the race that is before us, looking unto Jesus…” (Heb. 12:1-2). 

Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité

Some of you may know that I take frequent trips to France. Every journey is different: even if I visit the same places, they always hold different observations, challenges, and perks. Yet, they usually never fail to bring a more enlightened view of the Gospel and its impact on life. Frances J. Roberts explains this phenomenon so warmly in Come Away My Beloved: “[God] deepens you in the furnace of affliction, and purifies your soul in the fires of pain.” It amazes me how He similarly also speaks too through the more mundane instances of life or even the small joys. He reveals so much when we are looking for it and letting Him speak.

Perhaps strolling through France reminded me of scenes from Les Miserables; or the movies I had been watching with family were emphasizing similar social strives. But while walking along the beach yesterday, I kept thinking about a famous historical phrase: “Liberté, égalité, fraternité.” This philosophical and political motto invigorated France so powerfully for years, decades, and maybe even a couple centuries. But why was it so captivating? Why in countless countries around the world do people strive for these words or similar mantras?

Because we were created for freedom -we were created to crave liberty, equality, and fraternity.

I love to study politics, especially as an attempt to understand their philosophical foundations, their human justifications, and their results on society. However, in this post, I am not going to dive into the contradicting thoughts and opposing factions of eighteenth century France. What I want to focus on is our innate desire to be free, to embrace equality, and to live with others as a family.

I attended a Catholic Christmas mass about a week ago or so and was stricken by how many people seemed to be there simply by tradition, hoping that somehow fulfilling this festive practice would make their year conclude better and bring about a fortunate new one. Communion was welcomed, something to be done for a blessing, a reminder of days of old, or a warmth in a dark, cold world. The partakers seemed to look towards each other with a hope for brotherhood, a yearning for unity. They were all looking for the same thing: freedom from the awfulness of year 2014 and the worry towards 2015; freedom from the burdens they were carrying; freedom for their souls full of strife, mistakes, and pain. They wanted all to be equal in this unfair world, equal, loved, and free.

Because that’s what they were created for.

Last Sunday, I visited a local evangelical church for the first time in the area. When the service concluded, I was left with joy, reminded that I had what so many across France and the entire world craved and yearned for: freedom, equality, and fraternity. My freedom comes from my salvation in Jesus Christ. Because I believe, He frees me from everything unholy and daily renews my heart, mind, and soul when I turn to Him. I stand equal before God, as any other human being does because He has created us all in His image and is ready to accept any of us into His kingdom of sons and daughters if only we believe. Finally, I can experience a beautiful family experience with all other believers. Constantly the book of Acts opens my eyes to what the Church should really be: one big united family in the truth of the Gospel.

Dear France, dear world –you can have Liberté, égalité, et fraternité. You were created for it. You were created for Jesus Christ.

Just a Typical Girl

This morning, I finished a little study on ten different women mentioned in the Bible. None of these ten had what we would consider “perfect lives.” They were all going through a typical woman’s life: child-bearing problems and fears; war; emotional abuse or suffering; widowhood and the care of bitter elderly; death of a loved one; national crisis; family threat; tough choices; tests of faith and lessons of letting go; consequences from sin or poor choices. Their imperfections and weaknesses, along with the world’s sinful impact on them, brought them to places of lowness and fear, senses of failure and abandonment, and temptations to despair and to bid farewell to dreams or their promises from God.

My dear reader, do you recognize yourself yet?

These events all sound like typical things we women still go through today. These Bible characters were clearly all typical women. They were like you and me.

Yet what made them different was their faith –faith that the Lord is Sovereign God, faith that Jesus and His plan are enough, and faith that He is faithful, Keeper of His promises. What made them different was what they believed and their resulting choices. What made them worthy was their intentional decision to believe; and what gave them their lasting legacy was taking a stand for what they believed. This is the Gospel. Nothing worthy or outstanding comes from ourselves, but everything falls together beautifully in the name of Jesus when we respond to the desire He puts in us to crave and follow Him.

Because He loved us first. 

Sarah. Deborah. Hannah. Ruth. Mary. Esther. Miriam. Rahab. Jochebed. The woman at the well. They were all typical, dream-filled girls who turned into typical women struggling and fighting for those dreams. But these typical girls discovered a radical truth and experienced the God Who held everything they could truly delight in forever: His Word, His plan, and even His nature. Simply, they could delight in Him.

So, ladies, I don’t have to tell you twice that we are not worthy and that our sandcastles are quickly washed away by the clock. You already know that. Sin and the effects of time are no strangers to you; we have all quickly become acquainted to them. 

But the hope that comes from Christmas can last the entire year once you realize that God turns typical girls into worthy dream fulfillers and conquerors of His plan upon realization that He is the true delight of our hungry hearts.

So Let Us Laugh

 Blessed is the [woman] who remains steadfast under trial (James 1:12).

In Genesis 18, we see the narration of life –a woman given a promise from God, one that is extremely laugh-worthy (like most dreams from God) yet that motivates her to try to make it happen in her own way (ex. Genesis 16). She is a typical woman: she worries about her ability (Genesis 18:12) perhaps because she had already tried to rely on it to attempt to control God’s plan by “helping Him out.” We women like to fall to the lie that God needs our help. Of course, we are to do our part –but we would benefit greatly if only we learned to discern between doing our part and usurping God’s place (Let It Go, K. Ehman). Yet, despite her error, God reiterates His promise in Genesis 18. Maybe that’s why Sarah laughed. Why would God still choose to use her to create a nation?

It’s not until Genesis 21 that the promise has begun to be fulfilled. Somehow, between Genesis 18 and 21, God changed Sarah’s heart. He filled it with faith, perhaps rekindling a faith she used to have. After all, she had accompanied Abraham throughout his whole journey, valleys and mountain tops. She had followed when he left all behind to pursue the one true God; and she had watched her husband deny their marital bond yet discover God protect her fully –not once, but twice (Genesis 12 and 20). She had come to know a God who remains faithful, good, and sovereign. Because of what God had allowed in her life, she could only conclude God’s steadfastness.

And isn’t that the goal for us all?

This is the story of the redeemed woman: God transforming a control-freak, conniving, doubtful soul of a woman into a mountain-building, dream-believing, nation-establishing giant featured in the “faith hall of fame” of Hebrews 11. God is faithful: He changes our hearts and fulfills His promises. “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and whole, wanting nothing” (James 1:3). Jesus and His work are everything –that’s what a woman should realize as she waits, as she endures, as she perseveres. It’s all about the heart change as He works because our story should be about how He gets us from Genesis 18 to Hebrews 11: “that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tried by fire, might be found unto praise and glory and honor at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:7). 

Not just Sarah's heart changed; her laughter was transformed too. Once touched by the redemption of God, her mocking snicker turned into a victorious, confident chuckle because "strength and dignity [became] her clothing, and she laugh[ed] without fear of the future" (Proverbs 31:25). Her God was faithful. And He still is. 

So let us laugh.

*verse outline & connection between Gen. 18 & Heb. 11 from Women of the Bible -Beautiful and Brave by Rachel Wojo

From the Blind

Pirate is a horse with only one eye. Yet, his trust towards his rider baffles me. Embracing adventures across the fields and woods, Pirate walks, trots, and canters with energy and enthusiasm. He is unafraid of the unseen but presses on with a seeming joy and carefreeness that often many other horses don’t exhibit. Oh, if only he knew what he teaches me…

I used to think that by age 23, I would have everything figured out. There is nothing more false than that childhood fantasy! In fact, it seems that my questions have only increased, my insecurities have only become more revealed, my lack of adequacy only more present, and my unknown future has turned into an understatement. But if I focus on what I do not know, I can only find discouragement and frustration. If I focus on dreams and on imagination, I will only find insignificance.

“Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”[1]

No, I cannot focus on these things I lack, the prayers answered with “wait” or “no,” the thorns never removed, or even the dreams that may or may not come to pass, and the future I think I desire. These thoughts only become little gods that displace my Sovereign Lord from His rule in my life and His work through me. I can only focus on the gifts that He has given me today, knowing that these little steps are mine to take for His Kingdom. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand” (Proverbs 19:21).

You see, you and I have it all wrong. It’s so easy to believe that this life is about us, about our castles in sands, about our dreams and goals coming to pass, about seeing fruits to our labor, and about our little worlds. Yes, God does choose to use our work –but He could still accomplish His plan without us. All He needs to do is speak, and that which He commanded comes to pass. “So shall My word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).

Rather, what He desires most is for me to know Him more, for me to want Him more, and for me to glorify Him more through this growing relationship with Him. It’s not about rules and laws followed or the number of other souls I reach but about my heart truly loving Him. “For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:16-17). Part of wanting Christ more, loving Him more, and glorifying Him more is learning to trust Him more and more, day by day –even in the dark, in the questions, in the pain, in the battles, in the struggles, in the failures, in the long hours of work. Just like Pirate, I need to embrace God’s adventures for me across the fields and woods of life, as He opens and closes the doors, one at a time, or a thousand all at once. In His strength and the confidence He gives me, I can go any speed He needs me to through the various seasons of my journey here –with energy and enthusiasm straight from His heart. I can be unafraid of the unseen and press on with true, secure joy and carefreeness…and watch Him use me to teach others about His truths.

“Eyes On You” –Shane & Shane

I don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
You say that I can hear Your voice
So I am listening

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

I still don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I still don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
As long as You are lifted up
I don't have to understand

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

The battle is the Lord's
So I'll walk towards You in the dark
Cause I know that in the end we win
So I'm all in
Lead me I'm Yours

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

---

[1] From “Be Thou My Vision”

Through Roses and Thorns

“In the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33).

We have been promised this since day one. When Jesus came to earth to bring to pass the ultimate needed sacrifice for our salvation, He challenged His wanna-be followers that the road would be hard. It wasn’t really a matter of if, but rather when.

It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that our life path should be lined with roses. If you are a dreamer like me, it becomes easy to believe that the other side is greener, that once the goal is reached or the dream is lived, everything will be “just roses.” We writers often glory in the “happy endings” we can bring our stories to at our own whim and in our own timing. I am not advocating an attitude of martyrdom; but while God definitely blesses us beyond our sinful nature deserves, even rose bushes have thorns. Every season of life has its ups and downs, its glories and disappointments, its roses and its thorns.

Amy Carmichael, one of my favorite missionaries who has produced beautiful writing collections of honest and sincere faith before the Lord, challenges us with these words: “The Lord Jesus made it plain from the beginning that there would be trail of many kinds for all who would follow Him, and He Himself led the way in that path. Should we be surprised when we find ourselves following in His footsteps?” No, we should not be surprised. We should be humbled and moved to worship that He would call us to follow Him, even though our greatest works are rags and our best of intentions are tainted by our sinful nature. “He wants us all to understand quite definitely that if we follow in the way of the cross we must be prepared to take up the cross,” Carmichael continues. The way is long and difficult. It’s narrow and can be discouraging. It hurts and attempts to destroy us. Even on sunny days and through rows of roses we find thorns.

But this is where joy steps in. This is where being a follower of Christ comes to light.

When hardships and suffering hit, “you are now in a very good position to prove that gift of joy… [Now] is the time to prove the things we believe. Your whole life now is a proving of His power to enable you to do anything. You will never be able to fear again, I think, after all this.” Amy Carmichael hits it again: hardships only remind us of our existing frailty and incompetence that we so easily forget about when all seems to be going our way with little effort. Hardships remind us of our need of the cross –and serve as reminders to others of the glory and victory that comes only through Jesus Christ. Hardships turn us to the heart of Christ and invigorate us with fearless yet graceful strength that will not run dry. This morning when I read Proverbs 18, verse 10 struck me powerfully: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower” –SIMPLY HIS NAME declares His power and security.

We must come to “glory in our infirmities” (II Corinthians 12:9); we must come to the point where we are grateful for the hardships and challenges; we must welcome the opportunities to make more of His glory and power known. “Looking back, I know I would not have chosen any other [path with thorns] if I could have known when first I began to walk in it what it would mean of His companionship, and also of the power to enter into the griefs of others. It was all worthwhile, ten thousand times worthwhile.” It’s true. Trials draw us closer to Him and teach us things about Him and others that we would never even come close to comprehending without these difficult moments. They teach us to love more and be filled with His heart and mind. They show us His ways and open our eyes to His unseen, broadening our impact for His Kingdom and widening our opportunities to glorify Him.

In closing, let’s look at John 16:33 in its entirety: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” We are not alone.

And through Him, we overcome the world too –even through the roses and thorns.

The Shadow of Death

“We as Americans are so blessed and do not have to fear death as much as so many children do around the world,” I commented to the small group of young girls gathered around me at the fire pit. “But a lot of times it feels like we are dying inside –and that can be just as scary.” Several of the girls nodded their heads at me. I could see their thoughts racing, remembering challenging situations their young years had already seen.

It’s true. Dying inside is scary.

It’s as if we were walking, alone and aimless, through a forest of deep, swallowing green, with no clear path but briars and thorns instead catching at our bare arms. It feels like darts are being thrown at our heart, at our very being, or at what we love most –but no one else can really see them.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

This often quoted Psalm used to always make me think of desperate physical situations: soldiers surrounded by the enemy, struggling just to stay alive and committed to their country; a child fighting for his life after being hit by a car; or an elderly person slipping away from this world into eternity. But now I know. Death is not always what is seen or broadcasted on the news. Being challenged by the people we love, making life-impacting decisions, and choosing the narrow path of Christ –all these can make us feel like we are dying inside.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me.

Contrary to an often believed myth of our comfort-loving culture, Christ never promised us an easy road. In fact, usually when an individual approached Him about the possibility of following Him, Jesus challenged this person immediately: it would be hard and possibly life-threatening.  His followers are to love nothing above Christ; their commitment to Christ must come first –and this requirement could mean much, much sacrifice. Possessions, comfort, family, desires, dreams, always being right, always getting the last word, and life itself -these no longer had first priority. In Standing Firm, Donna Partow states to her readers, “We want to live in a world where one plus one always equals two; a place where IF you do this, THEN you get that. Sadly, that’s not the real world.” And, though, we are no longer of this world, we are definitely still in its dark, sinful, hurtful environment. In fact, Christ followers ATTRACT the darts of evil (John 15:19).

YET, even in the valley of the shadow of death, He is there. “Even there will Your hand lead me, and Your right hand will hold me” (Psalm 139:10). When we think God is not at work, HE IS –it’s simply that His thoughts are not ours but higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9). Somehow, He is speaking as much as ever, just not in the words, language, or volume we may think or prefer. A stranger’s prayer, a startling message, a quiet sense of peace by the pond in the evening, a surprise in the mail–He is at work. 

23 and Counting

A week ago, I turned 23.

The halfway point of summer is rushing past us –humid days and crickets singing; birds chirping early and warm, subtle breezes; new songs on the radio and endless adventures. My birthday came and went, once again, full of surprises and memories, cards and wishes. I’ve reached twenty-three –I’m in the middle of what my parents always said was the age they missed the most.

George Eliot was right: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” I am amazed by God’s faithfulness. Ever since I can remember, all I’ve wanted to do was play with horses and write, write, WRITE. Growing up brought a variety of interests that at times seemed to be unrelated tangents to my life plan. They took me on journeys here and there, but I believe they were firmly part of God’s overall plan, growth, and formation of me. Yet, He kept drawing me back to my first loves: horses and the pen. Little by little, far after I thought my time was past, He opened doors of opportunities I never thought I would have. Yet, He proved loud and clear that Amy Carmichael’s words were true. “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires He creates.”

In the past year, my horse-related opportunities have only continued. Volunteering at my local horse ministry and horse sitting before or after work have served as a continual reminder of where my heart truly lies. What is my job then now, when I cannot fully pursue this calling it seems? I am required to be faithful now and take advantage of all the opportunities present at the moment, fully trusting the Lord to continue to open further doors if He so chooses to be glorified so.

I do not know what my future holds. In a world of pain and adversity, I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Every breath, really, is a gift. In fact, the Bible encourages me to number my days and handle them wisely (Proverbs 90:12). However, I know that 24 will bring me only more testimonies of God’s faithfulness.

Today, I am 23, only left humbled –and counting His abundant works of faithfulness. 

DELIGHT.

I just finished reading Deuteronomy, and I never expected to be so blessed and so touched by that book as I have been for the past couple weeks. There is so much I could write about it, and maybe I’ll focus more posts on some of its many, rich themes, but for now I’d like to spend time on DELIGHT in the Lord. It stuck out much, much more than in the previous books of the Pentateuch.

Yes, there is definitely throughout Deuteronomy still a strong emphasis on the laws the Jews were expected to follow. But something much more powerful than the law shine through as well –an emotion and a commitment, both wrapped up so powerfully in the life and truth offered by the Word. My Bible commentary mentioned that Deuteronomy contains one of the first declarations of God’s love for His people. This in turn works as motivation for the people to turn to this God and to His love. After all, I John 4:19 confesses, “We love Him, because He first loved us.”

This love, I think, when it grows, turns into DELIGHT. Deuteronomy 10:12-13 provides a beautiful summary of the Ten Commandments, as well as a revealing testimony of truly delighting in the Lord:

1.     Fear the Lord

2.     Walk in all His ways

3.     Love the Lord

4.     Serve Him with your all

5.     Keep His commandments

As we follow His Words, we can rest in the knowledge that He will reward in His best time (Deut. 11:33-34). As we cleave to Him (v. 20), He becomes most importantly our true praise and moves into the correct position in our lives: GOD (v. 21). He becomes the rightful Author of every good thing (James 1:17) and the Mighty Deliverer from the evil He allows (Matthew 4:1, 11; Deut. 7:18, 21; 20:1-4). He is our consuming fire of righteousness (Deut. 4:24; Matthew 3:11) –fire by night and cloud by day. He allures us by His goodness and justice: we all crave both deep down in our hearts. The more we dive into His Word, the more we love and delight in it (Psalm 119:16). I can definitely testify to this! Ever since I started this amazing journey of reading the Bible from cover to cover, I have seen the Word come alive around me; I have become more aware of His work; and I have become more enraptured by His nature.

Don’t get me wrong: this transformation and renewal does not happen overnight and does not become fulfilled until we meet Him face to face (Phil. 3:12). But because of the precious and selfless sacrifice of Christ’s life and my choice to claim Him as my Savior, I can walk on this journey of boundless discovery of His character, His ways, and His plan –with delight in every step when I keep my gaze on His (Phil. 3:13-14). “You shall rejoice in all that you put your hand to…wherever the Lord your God has blessed you” (Deut. 12:7). I will rejoice. I will delight.

In closing, I would like to include a passage from Kisses from Katie, a book I am currently reading about a young missionary in Uganda:

“For as long as I can remember, one of my favorite Bible verses has been Psalm 37:4: ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.’ I used to believe it meant that if I did what the Lord asked of me, followed His commandments, and was a ‘good girl,’ He would grant all my desires and make my dreams come true. Today, this is still one of my favorite passages of Scripture, but I have learned to interpret it in a totally different way. It is not about God making my dreams come true but about God changing my dreams into His dreams for my life.

Today I am living the desires of my heart and I cannot imagine being happier; I cannot imagine living any other life than the one that unfolds before me day by day. But believe me, I am by no means living my plan… This is not a life that I dreamed up on my own or even knew I desired. I am watching God work, and as I ‘delight myself in the Lord’ by doing what He asks of me and by saying yes to the needs He places in front of me, He is changing the desires of my heart and aligning them with the desires of His. As I go with Him to the hard places, He changes them into the most joyful places I could imagine.”

As you come to delight more and more in the Lord and His Word, He may or may not ask you to completely change your lifestyle or pursuits as He did for Katie. Each one of us has a different, specific calling. But the main goal that is the same for all of us to "love the Lord thy God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27).