The Shadow of Death

“We as Americans are so blessed and do not have to fear death as much as so many children do around the world,” I commented to the small group of young girls gathered around me at the fire pit. “But a lot of times it feels like we are dying inside –and that can be just as scary.” Several of the girls nodded their heads at me. I could see their thoughts racing, remembering challenging situations their young years had already seen.

It’s true. Dying inside is scary.

It’s as if we were walking, alone and aimless, through a forest of deep, swallowing green, with no clear path but briars and thorns instead catching at our bare arms. It feels like darts are being thrown at our heart, at our very being, or at what we love most –but no one else can really see them.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

This often quoted Psalm used to always make me think of desperate physical situations: soldiers surrounded by the enemy, struggling just to stay alive and committed to their country; a child fighting for his life after being hit by a car; or an elderly person slipping away from this world into eternity. But now I know. Death is not always what is seen or broadcasted on the news. Being challenged by the people we love, making life-impacting decisions, and choosing the narrow path of Christ –all these can make us feel like we are dying inside.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me.

Contrary to an often believed myth of our comfort-loving culture, Christ never promised us an easy road. In fact, usually when an individual approached Him about the possibility of following Him, Jesus challenged this person immediately: it would be hard and possibly life-threatening.  His followers are to love nothing above Christ; their commitment to Christ must come first –and this requirement could mean much, much sacrifice. Possessions, comfort, family, desires, dreams, always being right, always getting the last word, and life itself -these no longer had first priority. In Standing Firm, Donna Partow states to her readers, “We want to live in a world where one plus one always equals two; a place where IF you do this, THEN you get that. Sadly, that’s not the real world.” And, though, we are no longer of this world, we are definitely still in its dark, sinful, hurtful environment. In fact, Christ followers ATTRACT the darts of evil (John 15:19).

YET, even in the valley of the shadow of death, He is there. “Even there will Your hand lead me, and Your right hand will hold me” (Psalm 139:10). When we think God is not at work, HE IS –it’s simply that His thoughts are not ours but higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9). Somehow, He is speaking as much as ever, just not in the words, language, or volume we may think or prefer. A stranger’s prayer, a startling message, a quiet sense of peace by the pond in the evening, a surprise in the mail–He is at work. 

23 and Counting

A week ago, I turned 23.

The halfway point of summer is rushing past us –humid days and crickets singing; birds chirping early and warm, subtle breezes; new songs on the radio and endless adventures. My birthday came and went, once again, full of surprises and memories, cards and wishes. I’ve reached twenty-three –I’m in the middle of what my parents always said was the age they missed the most.

George Eliot was right: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” I am amazed by God’s faithfulness. Ever since I can remember, all I’ve wanted to do was play with horses and write, write, WRITE. Growing up brought a variety of interests that at times seemed to be unrelated tangents to my life plan. They took me on journeys here and there, but I believe they were firmly part of God’s overall plan, growth, and formation of me. Yet, He kept drawing me back to my first loves: horses and the pen. Little by little, far after I thought my time was past, He opened doors of opportunities I never thought I would have. Yet, He proved loud and clear that Amy Carmichael’s words were true. “It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires He creates.”

In the past year, my horse-related opportunities have only continued. Volunteering at my local horse ministry and horse sitting before or after work have served as a continual reminder of where my heart truly lies. What is my job then now, when I cannot fully pursue this calling it seems? I am required to be faithful now and take advantage of all the opportunities present at the moment, fully trusting the Lord to continue to open further doors if He so chooses to be glorified so.

I do not know what my future holds. In a world of pain and adversity, I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Every breath, really, is a gift. In fact, the Bible encourages me to number my days and handle them wisely (Proverbs 90:12). However, I know that 24 will bring me only more testimonies of God’s faithfulness.

Today, I am 23, only left humbled –and counting His abundant works of faithfulness. 

Tearing Down Our High Places

Do you have an idol in your house? Perhaps a glowing shrine, a molded image, or a prized genie in a bottle? Chances are you jumped to your response, almost offended that I even ask you that: No! Of course not! That’s against one of the Ten Commandments!

You are correct: the forbearance of idols and other graven images does belong in God’s law: “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God…” (Exodus 20:4-5).

Throughout I & II Kings, I discovered a people of God absolutely living the life in the Promised Land. Undoubtedly, they knew days of drought and challenges, but prosperity and success often came their way too. They had certainly not forgotten God: they had built Him a beautiful, spectacular house, after all. They revered the Lord who had delivered them from Egypt and turned to Him for help when enemy invaders would threaten. They sometimes had zealots, too, preach across the land, like Elijah, Elisha, and Isaiah –they were sometimes far-fetched to many, though, begging for wholehearted revival before the face of a holy, righteous God who does not tolerate apathy or self-destruction forever. Their kings were not always bad, though; in fact, several of them actually followed the Lord and cared about His commandments –but why bother destroying the high places? They didn’t really believe in them anyways… They couldn’t really impact them or hinder their growth in the Lord. They couldn't really impact their testimony.

This society sounds normal and average to us. We make time for God when we can, stick a memory verse here and there, believing more in the power of the post-it than in that of the Word. Worship services have become a competition, while we forget that thousands of believers must meet in secret across the world…and we forget the price that was paid for us to even approach the throne of God.

This life has become normal to us. It is yours, and it is mine.

We try to follow the Lord –we check off our devotions from our to-do lists, we obey the laws and regulations –mostly, or so we firmly try to convince ourselves. But have we destroyed our high places? To quote a song by Tenth Avenue North, what DO we know of holy?

II Kings reveals a time of great social change and unrest. A collection of kings ruled a now split Promised Land. Many were evil and replaced sincere, pure, and Spirit-led worship of the One true God with Satan-driven awe of everything else. Sacrifices of humans became prevalent, along with other pagan practices. Occasionally, a well-intentioned king would step in. He would seek the Lord, attempt to obey the commandments –but the Bible frequently states that these kings did not destroy the high places (II Kings 14:3-4). The true problem remained: the heart and God’s place in it.

We all have these high places. When we cling to these -whether they be outward or inward gods- we displace God of His rightful authority and sovereignty. Of course not all of these may be inherently evil, but if they take the place of God in our lives, they do become just the same as sin. We must pray for the discernment to identify these, as well as the humility to let God pull these out of our hearts, minds, and souls. From the desire for success to the craving for friendship, from the pursuit of dreams to the pride of the heart, from the dangers of covetousness to the slavery of always wanting to be right –all of these can be our high places.

We should be the zealots. We should be those preaching the Gospel at the risk of sounding like maniacs. We should be standing out and standing alone for the sake of Christ. We should be yielded to the work of the Spirit that we can run faster than kings in chariots drawn by the fastest, best horses (I Kings 18: 46). We should be seeking God’s still, small voice in the chaos that surrounds us (I Kings 19:12). We should be so filled with the power of God that our enemies can only ask where does our confidence come from (II Kings 18:19-20).

But we cannot live like this without giving up lesser things. To live like this, we need to tear down our high places. 

To Write or Not To Write -That Is the Question

Writing –thoughts put to words; songs of hurt or praise; prayers of plea, of deliverance, or of rejoicing; emotions placed between the parameters of a dictionary; truth expressed with flawed vocabulary. Writing is powerful –it always has been- and maybe even more powerful than the tongue. Writing lasts, is less easily forgotten, and now with modern technology, can convey opinions and facts across the world within seconds.

Maybe that’s why I John so heavily stressed his motives behind the writing of his letter. The writer knew the power of words –of the written.

Because I love writing so much, I found great encouragement, challenge, and guidance in his reasons for writing. I, too, should strive to match my scribbles to his standards. 

1.       “and these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full” (1.4)
JOY –there it is again! The beautiful result of salvation and of full surrender to the Lord. In my writing, I must seek to move people to discard discouragement to rather embrace joy. While I must speak truth and truth may hurt, I must speak it in love because love is the most powerful tool of change and of redemption (I Peter 4:8).

2.       “these things write I unto you, that you sin not” (2.1)
I must write to encourage others to cast away sin. As stated above, I must speak the truth –and truth often includes the pointing out of sin. Writing so can be challenging for many because we so easily follow the cultural trend of the fear of intolerance. But God does not tolerate sin (Habakkuk 1:13).

3.       “I write no new commandment unto you, but an old commandment which you have had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which you have heard from the beginning.” (2.7)
This is beautiful. The Word of God does not change; His truth has always been the same, from the Old Testament through the New Testament, from the beginning to the end through eternity. I have no right to add or take away from His truth –I must write only according to His Word (Revelation 2:19).

4.       “Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shines” (2.8)
Yet, while the theme of Scripture has never changed, the Gospel stands in stark contrast with the legalism of old that had been wrongfully concluded from God’s commandments and standards of holiness. To those who had twisted His Words, the Gospel was new: it was freedom.  Today, the Gospel is still so new to so many. Thousands across the world and in our own neighborhoods still have never heard or read the truth about JESUS. My writing should direct the hearts of my readers to this amazing grace; my writing should have the power to carry itself throughout my Judea and Samaria and across the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8).

5.       “I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name’s sake. I write unto you, fathers, because you have known Him that is from the beginning. I write unto you, young men, because ye have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you, little children, because you have known the Father. I have written unto you, fathers, because you have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the wicked one.” (2.12-14)
God’s Word is applicable to everyone, to every age, to every maturity level. While uncompromising the truth, my writing should seek to pursue all groups…and should offer food to all who come with an open heart (I Peter 2:2-3).

6.       “I have not written unto you because you know not the truth, but because you know it, and that no lie is of the truth.” (2.21)
My writing should not only target nonbelievers but also those who already believe. As a Christian, I have the responsibility to outreach to those around me and raise them up as God empowers me in Christ’s name (Titus 2:1-6). I can’t stop with spreading the Good News of salvation but I must encourage discipleship and growth too.

7.       “These things have I written unto you concerning them that seduce you.” (2.26)
My words must warn of Satan’s deceptive ways. He walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (I Peter 5:8). Any believer is vulnerable!

8.       “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that you have eternal life, and that you may believe on the name of the Son of God.” (5.13)

This is probably the most important guideline for my writing: I must point my readers to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My readers should walk away from their computer or close out of my blog posts having a better sense about their inadequacy before God’s holiness, their need for Jesus day by day, and His free offering to them of salvation through His name alone by humble faith (Matthew 18:13).

 Now I must rise to the challenge: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).

DELIGHT.

I just finished reading Deuteronomy, and I never expected to be so blessed and so touched by that book as I have been for the past couple weeks. There is so much I could write about it, and maybe I’ll focus more posts on some of its many, rich themes, but for now I’d like to spend time on DELIGHT in the Lord. It stuck out much, much more than in the previous books of the Pentateuch.

Yes, there is definitely throughout Deuteronomy still a strong emphasis on the laws the Jews were expected to follow. But something much more powerful than the law shine through as well –an emotion and a commitment, both wrapped up so powerfully in the life and truth offered by the Word. My Bible commentary mentioned that Deuteronomy contains one of the first declarations of God’s love for His people. This in turn works as motivation for the people to turn to this God and to His love. After all, I John 4:19 confesses, “We love Him, because He first loved us.”

This love, I think, when it grows, turns into DELIGHT. Deuteronomy 10:12-13 provides a beautiful summary of the Ten Commandments, as well as a revealing testimony of truly delighting in the Lord:

1.     Fear the Lord

2.     Walk in all His ways

3.     Love the Lord

4.     Serve Him with your all

5.     Keep His commandments

As we follow His Words, we can rest in the knowledge that He will reward in His best time (Deut. 11:33-34). As we cleave to Him (v. 20), He becomes most importantly our true praise and moves into the correct position in our lives: GOD (v. 21). He becomes the rightful Author of every good thing (James 1:17) and the Mighty Deliverer from the evil He allows (Matthew 4:1, 11; Deut. 7:18, 21; 20:1-4). He is our consuming fire of righteousness (Deut. 4:24; Matthew 3:11) –fire by night and cloud by day. He allures us by His goodness and justice: we all crave both deep down in our hearts. The more we dive into His Word, the more we love and delight in it (Psalm 119:16). I can definitely testify to this! Ever since I started this amazing journey of reading the Bible from cover to cover, I have seen the Word come alive around me; I have become more aware of His work; and I have become more enraptured by His nature.

Don’t get me wrong: this transformation and renewal does not happen overnight and does not become fulfilled until we meet Him face to face (Phil. 3:12). But because of the precious and selfless sacrifice of Christ’s life and my choice to claim Him as my Savior, I can walk on this journey of boundless discovery of His character, His ways, and His plan –with delight in every step when I keep my gaze on His (Phil. 3:13-14). “You shall rejoice in all that you put your hand to…wherever the Lord your God has blessed you” (Deut. 12:7). I will rejoice. I will delight.

In closing, I would like to include a passage from Kisses from Katie, a book I am currently reading about a young missionary in Uganda:

“For as long as I can remember, one of my favorite Bible verses has been Psalm 37:4: ‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.’ I used to believe it meant that if I did what the Lord asked of me, followed His commandments, and was a ‘good girl,’ He would grant all my desires and make my dreams come true. Today, this is still one of my favorite passages of Scripture, but I have learned to interpret it in a totally different way. It is not about God making my dreams come true but about God changing my dreams into His dreams for my life.

Today I am living the desires of my heart and I cannot imagine being happier; I cannot imagine living any other life than the one that unfolds before me day by day. But believe me, I am by no means living my plan… This is not a life that I dreamed up on my own or even knew I desired. I am watching God work, and as I ‘delight myself in the Lord’ by doing what He asks of me and by saying yes to the needs He places in front of me, He is changing the desires of my heart and aligning them with the desires of His. As I go with Him to the hard places, He changes them into the most joyful places I could imagine.”

As you come to delight more and more in the Lord and His Word, He may or may not ask you to completely change your lifestyle or pursuits as He did for Katie. Each one of us has a different, specific calling. But the main goal that is the same for all of us to "love the Lord thy God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). 

Choosing Joy

JOY –such a beautiful word! Joy is much deeper than happiness: happiness is fleeting, depends on everything we see, taste, hear, feel. But joy comes from the peace and strength Jesus grants us daily. It is unconditional –or so it should be.

The life of those who follow Jesus should be one filled with joy. But how many of us walk around defeated, distressed, and depressed? We are convinced our circumstances or the people in our life or those missing from it are the cause of our slumped shoulders, deep sighs, and frowns; but really, we are destroyed from within. Yes, we do this to ourselves!

Joy is a choice, you see.

Joy can be yours if you follow Christ, but you must claim it for yourself. Accepting Christ is not an automatic potion to a life of joy. In fact, pursuing His calling often brings much, much difficulty; it rarely negates life’s hardships but sometimes brings about more. There may be great sacrifice in claiming His death and resurrection: after all, Galatians 2:20 states that we are crucified with Christ. Yet we can glory through all of it.

How then? By choosing to see it all through His eyes –and to let His still, small voice be our vision when our human sight is impaired.

In I Thessalonians, Paul encouraged believers to see their life as a beautiful calling from the Lord –and they should rejoice in this realization. “In everything gives thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” We can REJOICE in His will! It is worth being thankful for!  A few days ago, Amy Carmichael pointed out in her devotional Edges of His Ways the strong truth in Romans 15:13: God equips us with “all joy and peace in believing.” There is JOY in truly believing Him –in trusting Him, in choosing to view His plan through His unseen ways, and in pursuing Him in reckless abandonment.

“’Hush’ to the thoughts that would depress, for the day is holy; it is the day that the Lord has made, that we may rejoice and be glad in it. Let us join hands with Paul, and thank God and take courage” (Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways). It is HIS day for HIS glory, regardless of what may or may not happen. Temptations and trials, difficult people and disappointments, hurt and strife –as followers of Christ, you and I can still rejoice through it all. We must trust Him to use it all for His plan and for His glory. So let us rejoice and be strengthened by His JOY.

"What though the way is long

In Thee my heart is strong

Thou art my joy, my song..." 

-Amy Carmichael

The Veil Has Torn

The writings of Exodus can appear long-winded, repetitive, and even useless at times. Oh the many times I have complained about its content! But when in my head and heart God connects dots from this more challenging piece of Scripture with the often Christian favorite of the New Testament, I am left humbled and can only rejoice with the delight He brings.

This morning I was thinking about all the things on my to-do list –the things I want to do and those I don’t; the things I take pleasure in and those I despise; the things that are easy and those that require effort. Lying in bed hearing the birds already worshiping, I knew what my soul needed but I wanted to indulge my head and attempt to accomplish everything in my own might. I wrestled, hid under the quilts –but already the sun revealed His glory through my half-drawn blinds, luring me to His feet. Finally, I rolled over, pushing away my human feelings. Sitting by the window and sipping coffee, I started writing down my worry and wanna-be achievement list while meditating on Philippians 4:6-7: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” As my pen traced on the journal page each of my thoughts, God supplied His peaceful answer.

So I rejoiced along with the birds.

As I continued my reading of Exodus, I was captivated by the glorious description of God’s commandments concerning the tabernacle as well as the clothes worn by the priests.  One verse, though, that bounced off the page as if already highlighted without my pen was Exodus 26:33-34: “and the veil will divide unto you between the holy place and the most holy. And you will put the mercy seat upon the ark of the testimony in the most holy place.” The people of Israel were not to enter this most holy section where God’s Spirit was; they could not approach God on their own because of their imperfections compared to His holiness. A veil separated them.

One day everything changed, though: “And, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in half from the top to the bottom; and the earth did shake, and the rocks were split” (Matthew 27:51). THE VEIL WAS TORN. Why? What had just happened? Jesus, the Son of God, had just died, crucified on the cross and taking every single sin upon Him. He acted as the perfect sacrifice acceptable to God, making it possible for those who believe in Him to approach God anytime anywhere about anything. JESUS made it possible for me to approach God’s mercy seat this morning, leave everything at His throne of grace, and rejoice. “[The] veil is done away in Christ…when [we] turn to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord” (II Corinthians 3:14-18).

The veil has been torn. What are we waiting for? Let’s gather at His mercy seat and REJOICE.