Ashamed of my Prideful Unbelief. Amazed by His Wonderful Work.

To put it simply, flying stand-by during the holiday season can be one of the most frustrating experiences in the twenty-first century Western world. This method worked for me to make it 'home for the holidays' so I figured that, of course, traveling to my first full-time job, though tricky, would work out...right? Well, it did work-out, but not without some twists, rebellion, a revelation, and finally a blessing...all within just a few hours!
I received news that flights, worsened by winter storms, were completely full with no room for MOI -a MOI full of my own ways, my own timing, my own distinct pride, and my own human sight. I was extremely distressed: flights did not show signs of clearing up before my job start-date...the start-date of my first job. What would this look like? I WANTED this job. I WANTED to perform well. I WANTED to make a good impression. I WANTED to prove that I have what it takes despite my youth and my inexperience. But, now, THIS.
A little terrified, I emailed my supervisors, begging them to understand. I don't know why but I let myself lose heart and prepare for defeat. After hitting 'send,' I went walking outside for some fresh air and a chat with God. I didn't understand and I was tired of waiting. I was still waiting for answers about my living conditions after what seemed so long, and now THIS. My pride said I well-deserved answers NOW. For perhaps an hour, I battled with the Lord. Finally, I gave up and started to walk home. But I had given up like a pouting child who had not received his way when he wanted it and was still fully upset. I imagined worst-case scenarios -absolutely worst-case scenarios.

Maybe it was that sunset He used to melt my stubbornness and pride; or maybe it was that horse's whinny that touched me and tuned my heart to His. I finally realized that really, not going to my job at that date -or ever!- was absolutely 'okay.' What weighed the most was my fellowship with Him.

Suddenly, a desire to WANT TO WAIT filled my soul. I wanted to wait as long as He need to teach me something...as long as He needed to be most glorified...as long as He needed for ALL His work to become His MASTERPIECE. I wanted to wait for everything I wanted so deeply, as long as that meant an even more beautiful fellowship with Him. Besides, He has said that His grace was be to sufficient for me anyways (II Corinthians 12:9)!
I stepped back into the house, my spirits lifted and my soul revived. Sitting in front of the computer, I discovered a gracious email from work, announcing my changed start-date and wishing me to wait with no worries over these circumstances beyond my control. And, to top it off, my changed start-date improved both travel and housing options beyond flight room!

Wow.
All I could do was collapse on my bed, so ashamed at my lack of trust in the Lord...and so grateful that He HAD indeed changed my plans and ways. Once again, my life was becoming living, tangible proof that His ways ARE better than mine, that He never forsakes His own...and that He always manages to shatter our pride! :)