Be Faithful

In an earlier blog-post before my trip to the sea, I wrote about my current environment and its challenges. Perhaps part of me hoped that God would provide a great revelation during my ocean journey on how to get out of it. Foolish, perhaps? God has used my beach voyages to speak powerful words to my heart in the past -so why not again?

It's funny...this time, I haven't been really moved to think anything at all about my situation, except the tenacious words of  "being faithful" right before I had left for vacation and during the first part of it. It's as if God were quietly repeating, "Daughter, we've already talked about this. Why are you still pressing? Why are you still fighting? I have simply called you to be faithful."

Of course, my fighter's soul doesn't accept that. It continually asks "why;" begs "show me;" seeks answers I can create, mere shallow copies easily washed off by the waves of time and the wills of man.

From the beach that I like to walk through every morning, I can spot the old castle that sits on the edge of a cliff. I can just imagine the dukes and ladies of old parading across the lawn and watching for any pirates on the horizon. God's vision is like that castle up on a hill, designed to last beyond the winds and seasons and tides. I just need to accept my part of His plan here and now -and not tomorrow. Oh my little castles... I can try to build them as much as I want; but when will I swallow my pride and humbly accept that my shaky castles on sand are but cheap, faulty replicates of His greatness and design?

I must pursue Him, His vision...with sincerity, boldness, and singleness of heart. It doesn't matter the season -it's a lifetime dedication. I must be faithful.

Too Busy. Too Drained.

Taking a step back can be good. You can gain a new perspective, return to what is truly important, refresh your soul with rivers of life, and remember what the focus of life is. I’m amazed at how easily we fall into lop-sided patterns, make weak excuses into mountains, and believe lies.

The other day, one of my friends sent me a Facebook message. It held a desperate call to hang out…and was soaked with words of loneliness. Of course, I rose to the occasion to accomplish a great deed and promised to spend time with her once I returned home from my trip.

But wasn’t that a mirror image of an exact promise I had made two months ago…to the same person? And I never acted on it.

What have I become? I know in my heart this isn’t the only vow I have not upheld. I hide behind what I must do now: work, earn a living, do my schoolwork, throw ingredients together for meals, clean –the list doesn’t really end in my head. I am drained when I come home from work, think I. I am no use to those who call to me, to those I love who are miles away… My cup is used up and empty; I have no more to offer.

Or so I think.

There is most certainly a place to draw lines, create boundaries, recognize your limitations, flee over-commitment, choose your battles, spend quality quiet time with the Lord, and focus on the tasks of a particular season in life. But I cannot afford to ignore the people clearly places in my life along the journey.

 I Timothy 5 makes this idea clear. In that chapter, Paul talks about the treatment of widows by the church. While he encouraged the church to take care of them, he called families to take care of their own first and foremost: “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God” (v.4).  What am I doing for my family in the midst of my draining business? How am I still touching their lives even though they are miles away? Am I using their distance as an excuse?

Paul continues his discussion with a description of the legacy of a godly widow: she “is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds” (v. 10). My friend should have never have NEEDED to beg me to hang out. I should have never assumed she had made friends, that she was fitting in, and that she was blossoming in her new season of life. I should have taken the initiative.

Perhaps I try to fit being a genuinely caring family member and friend into a box of good deeds, something to check off my list of being a “good Christian,” instead of viewing and valuing it as a lifestyle. Oswald Chambers so poignantly stated, “the secret of a Christian’s life is that the supernatural becomes natural…the experience of this becomes evident in the practical, every day details of life, not in times of intimate fellowship with God.” Special moments with God are invigorating, give us strength, replace the draining business with purpose and joy; but they should not be the only evidence of a Christian walk –they should only be the Source. I am renewed to BEAR FRUIT.

Bushes of Berries

Yesterday, I took a walk through the woods, fields, and sandy areas around the house. Near the end of my stroll, I chose a path that leads through a wooded area that runs between two fields. I remembered the special meaning this path had: last winter, I had struggled with God there (see previous post titled "Ashamed of my Prideful Unbelief. Amazed by His Wonderful Work). Our wills clashed, and I felt as if His hand were trying to pierce me to pull out my will. I remember it all so clearly. As my arguments turned from valid to weak, His goodness and wisdom shined through my dark thoughts, just as the bright sun rays were casting their beam upon the frozen countryside even through the thick winter clouds. I remember it all so clearly.

Then, suddenly, I decided my will really wasn't worth it. I decided I should let Him win.

By then, I had reached that same path I was on yesterday. I paused under the leafless trees and wrote on a note-card words of loving surrender to a Father who knows best. I could not see the future, but suddenly I knew my lack did not matter since He owns the cattle across a thousand hills. I did not have all the answers, but my clueless heart was insignificant because He knows the beginning and the end. Fear became futile; running away became an option no more; His way meant life, joy, and His presence -no matter what this world threw me.

Now, that wooded area is full of blackberries -the bushes are literally COVERED. My mom and I could probably make enough blackberry pies to feed a thousand.

I need to remember that: the surrendering of my will always brings the showering of God's blessing -no, not always in material ways, in healing, in deliverance, or in the seen. But He always rewards with His presence, His revelation of Himself as never before, a closer walk with Him in JOY and TRUE LIFE that is full of strength and grace. He gives our souls reasons to sing.

Reflections from the Sea

I was able to take a really good stroll yesterday at the beach, thinking about all the changes since the last time I walked there back in January. So much HAS changed in my life! I remember how in the winter month God challenged my faith, asked me about the degree of my devotion to Him, and responded to the many questions of my heart with the simple answer that I should just take one step and He would reveal my life to me in His own timing.

Well, here I walk along this same beach again. I definitely don’t have all the answers; in some ways, some of my questions remain the same. God has not shown me everything yet. Many times in the past months, He only revealed me the step I was the take at the very moment -without explaining why.

Yet I can stand here on this beach testifying that He has blessed me so much…and taught and strengthened me in countless ways, far more than I thought were possible. These months have definitely not been all I thought it would or could be; but in many ways, it has been much, much more. Because of His workings, I dare say that now more than ever I stand amazed at His faithfulness, His teachings, His promises, and His provision. I know He provides the good…and He prepares for what we wouldn't necessarily choose to bring upon ourselves. I still have questions –many questions, might I add! I still wonder how this or that will happen. I still flinch and fall when the Enemy attacks. Yet, I KNOW I don’t need to shiver towards the possibilities of my future because I know better who He is, I know that I can trust Him…I know He will supply me with the strength to get through anything He allows to come my way and He covers me with His Son’s righteousness no matter how small my faith seems at times, no matter what challenge I will face, no matter what temptation I find…

Will I choose to be faithful to such a great God?