Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité

Some of you may know that I take frequent trips to France. Every journey is different: even if I visit the same places, they always hold different observations, challenges, and perks. Yet, they usually never fail to bring a more enlightened view of the Gospel and its impact on life. Frances J. Roberts explains this phenomenon so warmly in Come Away My Beloved: “[God] deepens you in the furnace of affliction, and purifies your soul in the fires of pain.” It amazes me how He similarly also speaks too through the more mundane instances of life or even the small joys. He reveals so much when we are looking for it and letting Him speak.

Perhaps strolling through France reminded me of scenes from Les Miserables; or the movies I had been watching with family were emphasizing similar social strives. But while walking along the beach yesterday, I kept thinking about a famous historical phrase: “Liberté, égalité, fraternité.” This philosophical and political motto invigorated France so powerfully for years, decades, and maybe even a couple centuries. But why was it so captivating? Why in countless countries around the world do people strive for these words or similar mantras?

Because we were created for freedom -we were created to crave liberty, equality, and fraternity.

I love to study politics, especially as an attempt to understand their philosophical foundations, their human justifications, and their results on society. However, in this post, I am not going to dive into the contradicting thoughts and opposing factions of eighteenth century France. What I want to focus on is our innate desire to be free, to embrace equality, and to live with others as a family.

I attended a Catholic Christmas mass about a week ago or so and was stricken by how many people seemed to be there simply by tradition, hoping that somehow fulfilling this festive practice would make their year conclude better and bring about a fortunate new one. Communion was welcomed, something to be done for a blessing, a reminder of days of old, or a warmth in a dark, cold world. The partakers seemed to look towards each other with a hope for brotherhood, a yearning for unity. They were all looking for the same thing: freedom from the awfulness of year 2014 and the worry towards 2015; freedom from the burdens they were carrying; freedom for their souls full of strife, mistakes, and pain. They wanted all to be equal in this unfair world, equal, loved, and free.

Because that’s what they were created for.

Last Sunday, I visited a local evangelical church for the first time in the area. When the service concluded, I was left with joy, reminded that I had what so many across France and the entire world craved and yearned for: freedom, equality, and fraternity. My freedom comes from my salvation in Jesus Christ. Because I believe, He frees me from everything unholy and daily renews my heart, mind, and soul when I turn to Him. I stand equal before God, as any other human being does because He has created us all in His image and is ready to accept any of us into His kingdom of sons and daughters if only we believe. Finally, I can experience a beautiful family experience with all other believers. Constantly the book of Acts opens my eyes to what the Church should really be: one big united family in the truth of the Gospel.

Dear France, dear world –you can have Liberté, égalité, et fraternité. You were created for it. You were created for Jesus Christ.

Just a Typical Girl

This morning, I finished a little study on ten different women mentioned in the Bible. None of these ten had what we would consider “perfect lives.” They were all going through a typical woman’s life: child-bearing problems and fears; war; emotional abuse or suffering; widowhood and the care of bitter elderly; death of a loved one; national crisis; family threat; tough choices; tests of faith and lessons of letting go; consequences from sin or poor choices. Their imperfections and weaknesses, along with the world’s sinful impact on them, brought them to places of lowness and fear, senses of failure and abandonment, and temptations to despair and to bid farewell to dreams or their promises from God.

My dear reader, do you recognize yourself yet?

These events all sound like typical things we women still go through today. These Bible characters were clearly all typical women. They were like you and me.

Yet what made them different was their faith –faith that the Lord is Sovereign God, faith that Jesus and His plan are enough, and faith that He is faithful, Keeper of His promises. What made them different was what they believed and their resulting choices. What made them worthy was their intentional decision to believe; and what gave them their lasting legacy was taking a stand for what they believed. This is the Gospel. Nothing worthy or outstanding comes from ourselves, but everything falls together beautifully in the name of Jesus when we respond to the desire He puts in us to crave and follow Him.

Because He loved us first. 

Sarah. Deborah. Hannah. Ruth. Mary. Esther. Miriam. Rahab. Jochebed. The woman at the well. They were all typical, dream-filled girls who turned into typical women struggling and fighting for those dreams. But these typical girls discovered a radical truth and experienced the God Who held everything they could truly delight in forever: His Word, His plan, and even His nature. Simply, they could delight in Him.

So, ladies, I don’t have to tell you twice that we are not worthy and that our sandcastles are quickly washed away by the clock. You already know that. Sin and the effects of time are no strangers to you; we have all quickly become acquainted to them. 

But the hope that comes from Christmas can last the entire year once you realize that God turns typical girls into worthy dream fulfillers and conquerors of His plan upon realization that He is the true delight of our hungry hearts.

Boldness for Joy: She Waited for Him

“Beauty is often displayed through sacrifice and bravery through acts of humility.” This is how Rachel Wojo describes Mary of Bethany, the woman who is now famous for anointing Jesus’ feet with expensive perfume. Not only did Mary sacrifice financially, but she also faced heavy criticism from those around her. Taking this risk for Jesus made her beautiful. But where did this courage come from? It seems so easy to fear, to stay locked in our old ways, to yield to bitterness, especially when those around us have tasted the poison and so readily share it. Where did she find this boldness for joy?

John 11:20 reveals two different reactions between the two sisters. Martha ran to Jesus, and Mary sat. The Bible does not make very clear statements to describe Mary’s thought processes at this point, but my commentary suggests she was meditating on His already proven goodness and power: “You keep [her] in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because [she] trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock” (Isaiah 26:3-4). Knowing Mary’s track record up to this event (Luke 10:39), this thought choice is highly possible for her.

Regardless of her state of mind in reaction to Lazarus’s death, John 11:28-29 stands out to me: “The Master is come, and calls for you. As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came unto Him.” You didn’t need to tell Mary twice. She might wait on the Lord, but she was always ready to go when He called.  She would soak in all she could from Him and worship, risking being accused of being lazy, of wasting time, of not serving enough –the list can go on; we are so familiar with it…the attacks come daily. Mary knew what the most important part of the journey was and so can we. In order to properly serve, she needed His bread first. She needed His energy, His insight, His strength, His light. Without that, she would burn out. But when she heard His call, she was up on her feet, energized and ready to go.

She waited for Him, even in His seeming silence and absence. And when He came, she fell down at His feet, broken-hearted, yet revealing her child-like faith that was still limited by a human heart and mindset: “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). Then Jesus showed her in a whole new way just how His ways are not comparable to ours. He rose Lazarus from the dead.

Spending time with Jesus is essential to combat a woman’s typical struggles. Sitting at His feet is crucial for service…and for life. It is the very breath of joy (Neh. 8:10) and of a gentle and quiet spirit (I Peter 3:4) that does not meddle (I Pet. 4:15), gossip (Prov. 20:19), worry (Matt. 6:25-34), or control (Ps. 55:22 & Rom. 12:19 –see previous post on Sarah). He makes us free from this world and makes us beautiful and brave. 

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:12-13).

So Let Us Laugh

 Blessed is the [woman] who remains steadfast under trial (James 1:12).

In Genesis 18, we see the narration of life –a woman given a promise from God, one that is extremely laugh-worthy (like most dreams from God) yet that motivates her to try to make it happen in her own way (ex. Genesis 16). She is a typical woman: she worries about her ability (Genesis 18:12) perhaps because she had already tried to rely on it to attempt to control God’s plan by “helping Him out.” We women like to fall to the lie that God needs our help. Of course, we are to do our part –but we would benefit greatly if only we learned to discern between doing our part and usurping God’s place (Let It Go, K. Ehman). Yet, despite her error, God reiterates His promise in Genesis 18. Maybe that’s why Sarah laughed. Why would God still choose to use her to create a nation?

It’s not until Genesis 21 that the promise has begun to be fulfilled. Somehow, between Genesis 18 and 21, God changed Sarah’s heart. He filled it with faith, perhaps rekindling a faith she used to have. After all, she had accompanied Abraham throughout his whole journey, valleys and mountain tops. She had followed when he left all behind to pursue the one true God; and she had watched her husband deny their marital bond yet discover God protect her fully –not once, but twice (Genesis 12 and 20). She had come to know a God who remains faithful, good, and sovereign. Because of what God had allowed in her life, she could only conclude God’s steadfastness.

And isn’t that the goal for us all?

This is the story of the redeemed woman: God transforming a control-freak, conniving, doubtful soul of a woman into a mountain-building, dream-believing, nation-establishing giant featured in the “faith hall of fame” of Hebrews 11. God is faithful: He changes our hearts and fulfills His promises. “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and whole, wanting nothing” (James 1:3). Jesus and His work are everything –that’s what a woman should realize as she waits, as she endures, as she perseveres. It’s all about the heart change as He works because our story should be about how He gets us from Genesis 18 to Hebrews 11: “that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tried by fire, might be found unto praise and glory and honor at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (I Peter 1:7). 

Not just Sarah's heart changed; her laughter was transformed too. Once touched by the redemption of God, her mocking snicker turned into a victorious, confident chuckle because "strength and dignity [became] her clothing, and she laugh[ed] without fear of the future" (Proverbs 31:25). Her God was faithful. And He still is. 

So let us laugh.

*verse outline & connection between Gen. 18 & Heb. 11 from Women of the Bible -Beautiful and Brave by Rachel Wojo

Seeing. Waiting. Worshiping.

Seeing.
“Open up my eyes to the things unseen…Break my heart for what breaks yours.” So goes an often relied on song for today’s contemporary worship services. God wants us to see the world as He sees it: a group of individual lives all in need of a Savior –in need of salt. Throughout Colossians, Paul reminds his readers of this calling: “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt…” (Col. 4:5-6). Our ministry –the fulfilling of God’s call for us- is everywhere around us. It is where God places us. He may choose to move us at any time, and we must follow, keeping in mind that every role and season is significant and brings Him praise and glory. From translating the Word to another language to fulfilling the gift of motherhood to moving to the next season of life with grace and praise, we are to see our ministry around us –or move to where it is. Every role is necessary in the work of the Lord –and each is just as glorifying to Him if embraced with the right attitude.

Waiting.
A lot of times we see the need before we hear the calling. Especially those eager to embrace the sorrow of the world and attempt to provide the solution must be careful to remember their specific call must come straight from the heart of God. Colossians 4:17 states that this ministry is received…IN THE LORD. One of my friends in foreign missions could not stress enough how important it is to “wait on His call and His leading for ministry,” to quote her exact words. “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the one who brings wicked things to pass” (Psalm 37:7-9). Waiting can be just as glorifying to God as going. God can have us see a need in the world for a variety of reasons and still ask us to wait to serve it. So we must seek Him carefully.

Worshiping.
When Jesus asked Peter to walk on water, Peter’s mistake was to focus on the task rather than the One who had called him. How guilty am I of this… When I walked by the harbor this morning, I was reminded of Peter’s brutal awakening to this struggle so frequent in a believer’s life. In Matthew 14:28-31, Peter begged Jesus to let him come to this place of faith: walking on water right alongside Jesus. Jesus indeed called Peter to this, but then Peter focused on “the wind boisterous”…and was swelled by fear. Whenever we realize the depth and danger of our call, our hearts, minds, and souls should return to and remain in the One we so eagerly rushed to and begged to give us His call initially. We are called to worship –to solely, completely, purely focus on Him alone. As poignantly stated by Oswald Sanders, “Paul could afford to take lightly the comments and criticism of others, for his heart was owned by God.” So should be said about you and me. Our HEARTS are OWNED by our GOD. 

Norfolk Notes

We like to think that we can’t live without something, and as a result, we put restrictions on the will of God for our lives because we don’t think we could be in a certain place or without a specific convenience. I remember beginning to explore this falsehood and its opposing truth almost two years ago now (see December 2012 posts), but God thought it crucial to remind me this morning in a new, refreshing way.

On a business trip to Norfolk, VA, I had a few minutes for some leisure time. Of course, my sense of adventure refused to lock me in my room and encouraged my legs to take my heart to follow its pursuit: exploring the down-town waterside harbor. Engulfing the morning wind and eaves-dropping on the conversation of seagulls, my soul soared, reflecting on the words I had read earlier in the morning: “let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6). That I may KNOW –so much confidence and power in that five letter word! Whatever conversation I would be placed in during this trip, my key to success would be consistently filling myself with His truth and trusting Him to speak for me if I let Him. And the same promise would apply to any future trips.

As I continued to walk along the wooden paneled dock, the fresh air revived me. It’s so easy to become confused and conflicted in this world, its cares, its pressures and expectations, and thus forget the Source of life. My mission here is not to be comfortable or within my limits; and it may not consist of always choosing whom or how I serve. Sure, God places preferences on my heart but I cannot let those dictate where I go. He, and He alone, must lead. And as He leads and I follow, He provides my soul with what it truly needs. If I commit to be fed by Him, He will provide my soul the refreshment it needs. Cities can overwhelm a country spirit like mine; yet Norfolk’s treasures show me that God provides me with what I need to find my solace.

Walking back to my hotel, I realized not only I had found the fresh air my body craved but so my soul had been refreshed too, grown closer to my faithful Leader and providing Creator.

The Story of Us

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated by Esther, the secret Jew turned queen of the Babylonian Empire. Perhaps it was her courage that inspired me, or her commitment to pursuing justice even in the face of great danger –or simply the fact that she was a strong woman in a dark world full of hurt, suffering, and persecution. Recently, I re-read the book of Esther again and was challenged by the deep themes exposed through its plot and the insightful details about the lives, thoughts, and hearts of the different characters of the story.

The recorded events reminded me of today’s world; its characters reflected various people around me; and its concepts challenged my very core. The story of Esther reminded me of me.

The book of Esther is unique because it never mentions the name of God and fails to reveal much, if any, commitment to God by His people, even by the main characters of the story. Rather, we are given insight on very human individuals –people just like you and me. Xerxes is a self-absorbed king, full of passion for his wealth and title; yet he falls in love with a beautiful queen and is willing to give half of his cherished kingdom to her. Haman so loves himself that he is willing to sacrifice honor by plotting to murder his small opposition. We do not know much about Mordecai, but we cannot help but wonder if his request for Esther to hide her Jewish identity was in wise discernment or in fear of men rather than God. Finally, we look at Esther and can call her full of faith or simply committed to her duty to humanity. There are so many ways to look at each of our characters in Esther; and we could argue about their faults and try to place their positive traits on a pedestal. But what we should observe is that they are simply you and me.

What stands out so powerfully in the story of Esther is that coincidences and life choices blend so quickly, forming simply life as we know it too. God’s hand is hidden –yet is still so visibly in control and at work through these seemingly uncontrollable events or attempts at riveting personal actions. Proverbs 21:1 explains that “the king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.” Similarly, Proverbs 19:21 stresses God’s sovereignty as well: “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” It can be difficult to see the hand of God in the life of Esther and those around her, especially when it appears that her entire people group would die. However, God’s promise of the survival of His Jewish people stood even through these challenging times. His plan remained. His ways still triumphed, even if they were hard to see. “God’s methods may vary, but His purposes do not. His workings may be obscured to skeptics by the disguise of coincidence, but the people of God recognize His sovereign hand in the ebb and flow of history. His name is not mentioned, but His influence is unmistakable” (Hill & Walton, p. 351).

Similarly, our lives resemble as those described in the book of Esther. Perhaps we do not face the possible destruction and extinction of our people –but surely we face death, pain, and suffering. Perhaps we do not feel we must deny our family background to be accepted –yet there has at least been one day where your past shamed you or you felt you had to hide what you truly thought. How many of us have denied what we believe? How many of us have hidden behind a title, a degree, a social status, or a position of authority to withhold vulnerability?  

The story of Esther is the story of us. “The thing that makes [Esther] so fascinating is that this is our story…this is a marvelous parallel to what is going on in our own lives” (Stedman, n.p.). None of the characters in Esther were perfect people. Rather, they were all openly flawed, pursuing what they each saw as their highest possession. Yet, the book of Esther also reveals that “God often works quietly behind the scenes to implement His plan. God rescues the Israelites, not because of Esther’s piety, but because saving them is part of His character and His plan, even though at the moment the Jews in Persia are not living obediently. God often works in our lives even when we do not deserve it. God is faithful to His promises and to His plan in spite of us” (Hays & Duvall, p. 249).

The same goes for us and for our story. The hand of God is often hidden, especially if we are not asking Him to reveal it to us. But He is still at work. He is sovereign, even through death, sickness, our doubts, our mistakes, and our shortcomings. “God can accomplish His purposes just as easily through ‘coincidences’ as He can through grand miracles of deliverance. Though He works behind the curtain, He is just as much in control. Events that others see as chance or fate, can be seen by believers as signs of God’s sovereignty” (Hill & Walton, p. 347).

A couple days ago I promised to answer the question of WHO is in control.
Perhaps, I have now. 

The Falsehood of Control

It’s fun to control –or, at least, it can be satisfying to THINK we control. At times, we may find comfort in this assumption or may seek our purpose in it. Only temporary peace resides, though, with this quickly fleeting role.

Recently, a young woman chose to take her life to avoid the suffering that was accompanying her slow surrender to a brain tumor. Often coined by the media a heroic act to die with dignity, her death caused uproar in a United States battling a cultural and moral war for years now. Did Brittany Maynard not have the right to die and hold the choice for her timing of death in her hands? This question ran its course, from churches to bars and from social media to philosophical debacles.

What the debate seemed to forget was that Brittany Maynard’s act is not so foreign from any of our daily actions, words, and thoughts. Every day, we try to begin or end things for which we do not really own the authority to command in the first place. Even in our places of rightful leadership, we tend to forget our positions are only temporary and allowed by the Sovereign God of the universe to use for HIS glory and purposes. How often do we abuse what He has entrusted us with? 

We can criticize Brittany Maynard all day long for her very human choice, but if we were to look more closely and with more humility, whom would we really see in her decision? Ourselves –yes, simply, purely ourselves.

Who, then, is really in control?

I will let you ponder the answer until my next post…

You Can Have All This World

In the past couple months or so, God has completely transformed my perspective on my life. Or, rather, He has been working on this for a while –I just have now come to realize it.

Life –what is life?

Knowing the answer to that question is essential to our successful development and pursuits; but how quickly do we attempt to summarize it or produce our own version of repeated fluff?

For some, life is an adventure or a journey. Thousands through the ages find its answers in parties or work or esteem. Others found purpose in family or singleness. All have attempted to define it somehow.

Life is but a vapor, the Bible states (James 4:14), and all of us would be quick to agree. A timeless country song even challenges its listeners through its analogy “Don’t Blink” –because life slips through our hands. One heartbeat, one breath –one blink- can change everything you ever knew in an instant. Though we make plans and should be prepared for the future, we are not promised tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1). All of us have seen life flash by our eyes, with friends and loved ones stolen from us too quickly by death’s snatch.

Here I am almost finished with my graduate degree, and I have no idea what is coming next. The entire world is before me –while at the same time, maybe just a lonely mountain with a forgotten people could be my next abode. I have had so many questions, yet God has only repeated His century-old truth: “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21). Life is not about my will above all but rather about the triumph of His work: to know Him more and more day by day and to make Him known.

So now I must live with His entrusted truth: I must live TODAY fully with eternity in mind. I must live, laugh, love –TODAY. Today is all I have at this moment, and I must choose wisely how I will spend it in order to reflect my utmost purpose: to know Him and make Him known –TODAY. Coincidences become opportunities to grow in Him or to share His glory; life is no longer a solo adventure but a committed journey besides the Savior of my heart, mind, and soul. 

From the Blind

Pirate is a horse with only one eye. Yet, his trust towards his rider baffles me. Embracing adventures across the fields and woods, Pirate walks, trots, and canters with energy and enthusiasm. He is unafraid of the unseen but presses on with a seeming joy and carefreeness that often many other horses don’t exhibit. Oh, if only he knew what he teaches me…

I used to think that by age 23, I would have everything figured out. There is nothing more false than that childhood fantasy! In fact, it seems that my questions have only increased, my insecurities have only become more revealed, my lack of adequacy only more present, and my unknown future has turned into an understatement. But if I focus on what I do not know, I can only find discouragement and frustration. If I focus on dreams and on imagination, I will only find insignificance.

“Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”[1]

No, I cannot focus on these things I lack, the prayers answered with “wait” or “no,” the thorns never removed, or even the dreams that may or may not come to pass, and the future I think I desire. These thoughts only become little gods that displace my Sovereign Lord from His rule in my life and His work through me. I can only focus on the gifts that He has given me today, knowing that these little steps are mine to take for His Kingdom. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand” (Proverbs 19:21).

You see, you and I have it all wrong. It’s so easy to believe that this life is about us, about our castles in sands, about our dreams and goals coming to pass, about seeing fruits to our labor, and about our little worlds. Yes, God does choose to use our work –but He could still accomplish His plan without us. All He needs to do is speak, and that which He commanded comes to pass. “So shall My word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).

Rather, what He desires most is for me to know Him more, for me to want Him more, and for me to glorify Him more through this growing relationship with Him. It’s not about rules and laws followed or the number of other souls I reach but about my heart truly loving Him. “For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:16-17). Part of wanting Christ more, loving Him more, and glorifying Him more is learning to trust Him more and more, day by day –even in the dark, in the questions, in the pain, in the battles, in the struggles, in the failures, in the long hours of work. Just like Pirate, I need to embrace God’s adventures for me across the fields and woods of life, as He opens and closes the doors, one at a time, or a thousand all at once. In His strength and the confidence He gives me, I can go any speed He needs me to through the various seasons of my journey here –with energy and enthusiasm straight from His heart. I can be unafraid of the unseen and press on with true, secure joy and carefreeness…and watch Him use me to teach others about His truths.

“Eyes On You” –Shane & Shane

I don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
You say that I can hear Your voice
So I am listening

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

I still don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I still don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
As long as You are lifted up
I don't have to understand

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

The battle is the Lord's
So I'll walk towards You in the dark
Cause I know that in the end we win
So I'm all in
Lead me I'm Yours

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

---

[1] From “Be Thou My Vision”

Grateful for this Season

I have always been captivated by the riveting story of Esther: her story of survival and courage in a culture that despised all she held dear is commendable…and a chilling reminder that we are only a breath away from having to face some of the same decisions and consequences in our lives, whether we realize it or not, or whether we believe that they have the same consequences that Esther’s did. In the last few days, I began a more in-depth study of this book through a plan that selects very few verses at a time and links them to a verse in another book. Since the plan offers no hints to their correlation, I, in my go-getter mind, have more than enjoyed the challenge.

On the beginning day, the first pair intrigued me: how could Esther 1:1-4 be linked to Matthew 6:9-21? The Lord began to draw the lines between the dots for me, leaving me in awe at the deepness of the Scriptures once unseen to me. As I continued into the study, the theme of idolatry began to stand out.

It’s easy to believe that idolatry only involves the worship of stone or wooden sculptures. It is easy to believe that we are not breaking one of God’s highest commandments.

Yet, idolatry comes in much more subtle forms too. It creeps in when we are not paying attention, stunting our growth in the Lord, robbing our full attention from His gaze, and warping our passions into our self-glorification. I don’t know where King Xerxes’s idolatry began –perhaps it was in self-absorption, or in his riches and possessions, or in making his genealogy proud. But by the time of his life displayed in Esther 1, it has become so prevalent. Portrayed as a man consumed with his well-being, his welfare before the people, and his riches, Xerxes appears to have it all –including the power to deem what is right or wrong. In fact, at his week-long party, he encourages his guests to do anything they please (v. 10 –strangely reminiscent of Judges 17:6 and 21:25).

But idolatry weakens our hearts, minds, and souls and opens the doors to other sins too. Once we remove God from all or specific parts of our lives, things start to fall apart. When I consider some of my biggest mistakes and failures, I realize that it was when God was no longer my priority: spending time in His Word was on the back-burner, praying was a mumbled last-minute guilt-trip, and accountability with other believers was inexistent.

Xerxes’ life follows this trend: his idolatry opened the door to so much distress. In verses 9-18, the king loses any form of discernment or self-control. Not only does Xerxes lack the discernment to see what calling for Vashti could do to compromise her honorable identity as queen, but he also exhibits strong lack of self-control in her stand against him: instead of quietly dismissing the matter or recognizing his error, he becomes enraged before turning to warped advice: leaving Vashti unpunished will result in national chaos. We know what then happens to Vashti…she is divorced and replaced.

Idolatry has consequences –on us and on other people.

Idolatry can come in the most subtle manners, and as I reflect on decisions for my future, I am so thankful that God has moved me to start recognizing idolatry, its dangers, and its hindering consequences. Putting God first-place is definitely not an easy choice. BUT IT IS WORTH IT. I am so glad He chastens me and removes things from my life because He loves me too much to allow me lesser things, including a distorted relationship with Him. Psalm 73 was quoted in a sermon I heard on Sunday, so I looked more at the context: the Psalmist was devastated by the seeming victories of evil doers –and felt worthless before God in light of his own failures. Yet, he was able to find hope in God and His grace. Truly walking by faith comes to a whole new level when you realize your relationship with Jesus is the only thing you have that will last forever –nothing else is everlasting: not your possessions, not your relationships, not your popularity, nor your health or success.  

Sometimes, God allows pain so that it will draw us closer to Him. He allows punishment for us, His sons and daughters through the blood of Christ. He closes doors when we don’t have the strength to do so ourselves. Even when evil seems to prosper and causes us to be envious of its prosperity, we must remember its victories are NOT forever. Our GOD is enough.

In closing, I must summarize thoughts I heard in a sermon on the radio this evening. Paul went through similar seasons in life as we did, except perhaps on a much more pronounced level at times. In II Cor. 12, he explains that God had granted him a special revelation…but had also allowed a “thorn in the flesh” to keep Paul humble –and boastful only in Christ. This attitude is how we should view our pain, our trials, and our challenges in our lives: opportunities to stay humble, to removes our forming idols, and to only glorify our LORD. “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (v. 10). Each time I go through trial or pain, it seems that it only reaches deeper into my soul, affects me more strongly, or challenges my faith like never before –but I know it also strengthens me as I never dreamed and trains my human eyes to see His unseen and to become closer to His heart. As the radio preacher stated so powerfully, “The pain keeps you humble and His strength brings victory despite it.” As difficult as it is to admit or type this, I know I must be GRATEFUL for these seasons of pain, trial, unknown, and endurance –because they are also seasons of growth in my Savior.

Needy

Today, sitting at my desk filing paperwork and attempting to solve office problems, I felt tired.

Tired because of the check-list. Tired because of graduate demands. Tired because of the prayer list. Tired because of God’s clear answers and His mysteries. Tired because of the mountains. Tired because of the valleys. Tired because of my calling and my dreams. Tired because of the past, present, and future. Tired because of life.

Tired.

God, thank You for moments like these. Thank You for times when I’m simply tired.

It’s when I’m so tired and I have no time to pause that I can be so reminded of Your strength in my weakness, of Your glory in my worthlessness, of Your plan in my darkness, and of Your provision in my need. It’s when I’m so tired that I see that anything good in me and any accomplishment is but Your sovereign grace…because it glorifies You.

Today I am so glad I am tired. I am so glad I am needy.

Being needy throws me at the feet of Jesus, right where I should be.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29). The Christian life is definitely not about finding an easy pass to life. However, it is about finding strength not from ourselves but from the Creator of the universe. We should see the challenges, the fatigue, and the mysteries as check-points for us as to where our anchor truly is resting. When all seems well, it becomes so easy to forget our human frailty and neediness. But I Peter 1:24 challenges us to see our true dusty composition. We, along with the earthly treasures we idolize so much, fade away so quickly.  We are needy. So needy.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God (Psalm 42:5).

We are so needy, but that’s okay: He is all we need. 

But. Love.

As we pass through the seasons of life, we expect certain revelations from God –truths promised at last explained, answers begged for provided, and prayers met as we sought fit. Even though we repeat to ourselves that His ways are higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9), we still act surprised when He answers in another way, when He brings us the unexpected, or when He sheds light on an issue not searched.

But. Love.

Love is what brings us the outcomes of our prayers, the results of our endurance, and the insight on His nature, even if none are what we had asked or wished for. In His love, He allows every detail. Even the tears. Even the heartache. Even the unexplained. Even the answered questions. Even the waiting. And even the unexpected insight. After all, some say that true love comes when you least expect it.

In our blinded mindsets, it’s easy to place love in a box. To quote one of my favorite songs,

Have you ever seen true love
And do you know what it's made of,
And where it came from?

Or could it be the world has left you blind
And every day you pass it by,
You don't even recognize it.

Recently, God has stretched some of my understandings of love, opening my eyes to some of the everlasting greatness of His love. True love would give anything, expecting nothing in return, expecting neither future nor promise of it. True love fights and endures when nothing makes sense. True love means praying in faith, trusting God’s sovereignty in the unseen. True love is not blind but accepts the mistakes –past, present, and future. True love sees the potential but victoriously endures through the reality. True love knows how to give space, to let go, and to establish boundaries. True love proclaims and lives out the promises of God.

We are lost in a world of chaos, misery, despair, lies, and destruction.

But. Love.

True love came down to save us and awaits for us to claim it personally into our lives. This love is the love of God as displayed through the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus gave everything for us, yet expected nothing in return; in fact, He knew even our greatest songs of worship and acts of service would be but rags (Isaiah 64:6). He fought the temptations of Satan in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11) and endured the torture of the cross. Before His crucifixion, Jesus could be found on His knees, yielding His future to His Sovereign Father (Luke 22:42). When we approach Jesus, He, as God, is far from blind to all the sins we have committed…and will still fall to. Yet, He still comes when we call and promises grace to those who humble themselves before Him (James 4:6). Countless times we fail Him yet He still chooses to use us for the growth of His Kingdom (Mark 16:15). Yes, Jesus even gives us space –He knows only in our free will can we come to truly follow Him. In His holiness, He must establish boundaries –and in His perfection, every word and action of Christ is in accordance to His Word.

Yes. But. Love. Will you choose it? Will you embrace it?
Will you love like He loves?

Through Roses and Thorns

“In the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33).

We have been promised this since day one. When Jesus came to earth to bring to pass the ultimate needed sacrifice for our salvation, He challenged His wanna-be followers that the road would be hard. It wasn’t really a matter of if, but rather when.

It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that our life path should be lined with roses. If you are a dreamer like me, it becomes easy to believe that the other side is greener, that once the goal is reached or the dream is lived, everything will be “just roses.” We writers often glory in the “happy endings” we can bring our stories to at our own whim and in our own timing. I am not advocating an attitude of martyrdom; but while God definitely blesses us beyond our sinful nature deserves, even rose bushes have thorns. Every season of life has its ups and downs, its glories and disappointments, its roses and its thorns.

Amy Carmichael, one of my favorite missionaries who has produced beautiful writing collections of honest and sincere faith before the Lord, challenges us with these words: “The Lord Jesus made it plain from the beginning that there would be trail of many kinds for all who would follow Him, and He Himself led the way in that path. Should we be surprised when we find ourselves following in His footsteps?” No, we should not be surprised. We should be humbled and moved to worship that He would call us to follow Him, even though our greatest works are rags and our best of intentions are tainted by our sinful nature. “He wants us all to understand quite definitely that if we follow in the way of the cross we must be prepared to take up the cross,” Carmichael continues. The way is long and difficult. It’s narrow and can be discouraging. It hurts and attempts to destroy us. Even on sunny days and through rows of roses we find thorns.

But this is where joy steps in. This is where being a follower of Christ comes to light.

When hardships and suffering hit, “you are now in a very good position to prove that gift of joy… [Now] is the time to prove the things we believe. Your whole life now is a proving of His power to enable you to do anything. You will never be able to fear again, I think, after all this.” Amy Carmichael hits it again: hardships only remind us of our existing frailty and incompetence that we so easily forget about when all seems to be going our way with little effort. Hardships remind us of our need of the cross –and serve as reminders to others of the glory and victory that comes only through Jesus Christ. Hardships turn us to the heart of Christ and invigorate us with fearless yet graceful strength that will not run dry. This morning when I read Proverbs 18, verse 10 struck me powerfully: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower” –SIMPLY HIS NAME declares His power and security.

We must come to “glory in our infirmities” (II Corinthians 12:9); we must come to the point where we are grateful for the hardships and challenges; we must welcome the opportunities to make more of His glory and power known. “Looking back, I know I would not have chosen any other [path with thorns] if I could have known when first I began to walk in it what it would mean of His companionship, and also of the power to enter into the griefs of others. It was all worthwhile, ten thousand times worthwhile.” It’s true. Trials draw us closer to Him and teach us things about Him and others that we would never even come close to comprehending without these difficult moments. They teach us to love more and be filled with His heart and mind. They show us His ways and open our eyes to His unseen, broadening our impact for His Kingdom and widening our opportunities to glorify Him.

In closing, let’s look at John 16:33 in its entirety: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” We are not alone.

And through Him, we overcome the world too –even through the roses and thorns.

Why Does It Hurt?

Words can be the deadliest of weapons, the most grieving attacks to the human heart, mind, and soul –the cause of the most pain, suffering, and doubt.

Whether or not the words are true, they hurt. They are like darts piercing even through the most calloused heart, the most trained mind, and the strongest soul. They launch at the very being, the core of who we are, and at our very identity. Who we are becomes insignificant, a bother, worthless, and a waste. Even when others try to console us or our logic denies the legitimacy of the attacks, somehow the words echo and take over our thinking, paralyzing our judgment and crippling our efficacy.

Why is it so easy to fall to these attacks? Why is it so easy to believe the words? Why does it hurt?

Because deep down inside, we cannot deny our sinful nature –and our flesh and the enemy like to take advantage of this confession. We know that even if those exact words and accusations were not true, surely we must be guilty of something. And trust me: satan is quick to remind us of our failures, of our vulnerabilities, and of our struggles. He craves to have us dwell on them. If he cannot get us to fall, he will get us to become enslaved to a fearful victim mentality. As so powerfully said in a sermon I heard recently, “the fight for faith is the fight for joy.” Darkness wants us to lose our efficiency for the Kingdom –and it starts by stealing our joy.

So what can we do?

No, we are not to deny our human frailty, our double mindedness, our sinful nature and desires. Rather, we are actually supposed to admit and confess them. But confessions are not the last step –they are only the first. These should become our testimony, our indication to the world of the general need for Christ, and a declaration of His amazing power and love. Our brokenness then only becomes an opportunity for Christ to work and for us to declare His glory (from Standing Firm by Donna Partow).

If you are battling the hurt of words today, remember who you are IN THE LORD. Don’t turn to your own worth or accomplishments because those do not stand. Any things we view as good in our lives are but rags in the eyes of a holy God (Isaiah 64:6). Rather, place your worth and boast in Jesus Christ alone: “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (II Cor. 12:9). The next time someone tells or makes you feel you are worthless, tell them it is true BUT that Christ has made you worthy through the power of His blood in His perfect sacrifice. “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (II Cor. 4:7). Our lives, our accomplishments, our growth, and our prides are but jars of clay –they shatter so easily! But God can still use them because He wants and chooses to –because to Him goes all the glory and praise. “So that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord’” (I Cor. 1:31).

"No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that will rise against you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, says the LORD." -Is. 54:17

THERE IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS

The Shadow of Death

“We as Americans are so blessed and do not have to fear death as much as so many children do around the world,” I commented to the small group of young girls gathered around me at the fire pit. “But a lot of times it feels like we are dying inside –and that can be just as scary.” Several of the girls nodded their heads at me. I could see their thoughts racing, remembering challenging situations their young years had already seen.

It’s true. Dying inside is scary.

It’s as if we were walking, alone and aimless, through a forest of deep, swallowing green, with no clear path but briars and thorns instead catching at our bare arms. It feels like darts are being thrown at our heart, at our very being, or at what we love most –but no one else can really see them.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

This often quoted Psalm used to always make me think of desperate physical situations: soldiers surrounded by the enemy, struggling just to stay alive and committed to their country; a child fighting for his life after being hit by a car; or an elderly person slipping away from this world into eternity. But now I know. Death is not always what is seen or broadcasted on the news. Being challenged by the people we love, making life-impacting decisions, and choosing the narrow path of Christ –all these can make us feel like we are dying inside.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me.

Contrary to an often believed myth of our comfort-loving culture, Christ never promised us an easy road. In fact, usually when an individual approached Him about the possibility of following Him, Jesus challenged this person immediately: it would be hard and possibly life-threatening.  His followers are to love nothing above Christ; their commitment to Christ must come first –and this requirement could mean much, much sacrifice. Possessions, comfort, family, desires, dreams, always being right, always getting the last word, and life itself -these no longer had first priority. In Standing Firm, Donna Partow states to her readers, “We want to live in a world where one plus one always equals two; a place where IF you do this, THEN you get that. Sadly, that’s not the real world.” And, though, we are no longer of this world, we are definitely still in its dark, sinful, hurtful environment. In fact, Christ followers ATTRACT the darts of evil (John 15:19).

YET, even in the valley of the shadow of death, He is there. “Even there will Your hand lead me, and Your right hand will hold me” (Psalm 139:10). When we think God is not at work, HE IS –it’s simply that His thoughts are not ours but higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9). Somehow, He is speaking as much as ever, just not in the words, language, or volume we may think or prefer. A stranger’s prayer, a startling message, a quiet sense of peace by the pond in the evening, a surprise in the mail–He is at work.