Grateful for this Season

I have always been captivated by the riveting story of Esther: her story of survival and courage in a culture that despised all she held dear is commendable…and a chilling reminder that we are only a breath away from having to face some of the same decisions and consequences in our lives, whether we realize it or not, or whether we believe that they have the same consequences that Esther’s did. In the last few days, I began a more in-depth study of this book through a plan that selects very few verses at a time and links them to a verse in another book. Since the plan offers no hints to their correlation, I, in my go-getter mind, have more than enjoyed the challenge.

On the beginning day, the first pair intrigued me: how could Esther 1:1-4 be linked to Matthew 6:9-21? The Lord began to draw the lines between the dots for me, leaving me in awe at the deepness of the Scriptures once unseen to me. As I continued into the study, the theme of idolatry began to stand out.

It’s easy to believe that idolatry only involves the worship of stone or wooden sculptures. It is easy to believe that we are not breaking one of God’s highest commandments.

Yet, idolatry comes in much more subtle forms too. It creeps in when we are not paying attention, stunting our growth in the Lord, robbing our full attention from His gaze, and warping our passions into our self-glorification. I don’t know where King Xerxes’s idolatry began –perhaps it was in self-absorption, or in his riches and possessions, or in making his genealogy proud. But by the time of his life displayed in Esther 1, it has become so prevalent. Portrayed as a man consumed with his well-being, his welfare before the people, and his riches, Xerxes appears to have it all –including the power to deem what is right or wrong. In fact, at his week-long party, he encourages his guests to do anything they please (v. 10 –strangely reminiscent of Judges 17:6 and 21:25).

But idolatry weakens our hearts, minds, and souls and opens the doors to other sins too. Once we remove God from all or specific parts of our lives, things start to fall apart. When I consider some of my biggest mistakes and failures, I realize that it was when God was no longer my priority: spending time in His Word was on the back-burner, praying was a mumbled last-minute guilt-trip, and accountability with other believers was inexistent.

Xerxes’ life follows this trend: his idolatry opened the door to so much distress. In verses 9-18, the king loses any form of discernment or self-control. Not only does Xerxes lack the discernment to see what calling for Vashti could do to compromise her honorable identity as queen, but he also exhibits strong lack of self-control in her stand against him: instead of quietly dismissing the matter or recognizing his error, he becomes enraged before turning to warped advice: leaving Vashti unpunished will result in national chaos. We know what then happens to Vashti…she is divorced and replaced.

Idolatry has consequences –on us and on other people.

Idolatry can come in the most subtle manners, and as I reflect on decisions for my future, I am so thankful that God has moved me to start recognizing idolatry, its dangers, and its hindering consequences. Putting God first-place is definitely not an easy choice. BUT IT IS WORTH IT. I am so glad He chastens me and removes things from my life because He loves me too much to allow me lesser things, including a distorted relationship with Him. Psalm 73 was quoted in a sermon I heard on Sunday, so I looked more at the context: the Psalmist was devastated by the seeming victories of evil doers –and felt worthless before God in light of his own failures. Yet, he was able to find hope in God and His grace. Truly walking by faith comes to a whole new level when you realize your relationship with Jesus is the only thing you have that will last forever –nothing else is everlasting: not your possessions, not your relationships, not your popularity, nor your health or success.  

Sometimes, God allows pain so that it will draw us closer to Him. He allows punishment for us, His sons and daughters through the blood of Christ. He closes doors when we don’t have the strength to do so ourselves. Even when evil seems to prosper and causes us to be envious of its prosperity, we must remember its victories are NOT forever. Our GOD is enough.

In closing, I must summarize thoughts I heard in a sermon on the radio this evening. Paul went through similar seasons in life as we did, except perhaps on a much more pronounced level at times. In II Cor. 12, he explains that God had granted him a special revelation…but had also allowed a “thorn in the flesh” to keep Paul humble –and boastful only in Christ. This attitude is how we should view our pain, our trials, and our challenges in our lives: opportunities to stay humble, to removes our forming idols, and to only glorify our LORD. “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (v. 10). Each time I go through trial or pain, it seems that it only reaches deeper into my soul, affects me more strongly, or challenges my faith like never before –but I know it also strengthens me as I never dreamed and trains my human eyes to see His unseen and to become closer to His heart. As the radio preacher stated so powerfully, “The pain keeps you humble and His strength brings victory despite it.” As difficult as it is to admit or type this, I know I must be GRATEFUL for these seasons of pain, trial, unknown, and endurance –because they are also seasons of growth in my Savior.

Needy

Today, sitting at my desk filing paperwork and attempting to solve office problems, I felt tired.

Tired because of the check-list. Tired because of graduate demands. Tired because of the prayer list. Tired because of God’s clear answers and His mysteries. Tired because of the mountains. Tired because of the valleys. Tired because of my calling and my dreams. Tired because of the past, present, and future. Tired because of life.

Tired.

God, thank You for moments like these. Thank You for times when I’m simply tired.

It’s when I’m so tired and I have no time to pause that I can be so reminded of Your strength in my weakness, of Your glory in my worthlessness, of Your plan in my darkness, and of Your provision in my need. It’s when I’m so tired that I see that anything good in me and any accomplishment is but Your sovereign grace…because it glorifies You.

Today I am so glad I am tired. I am so glad I am needy.

Being needy throws me at the feet of Jesus, right where I should be.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29). The Christian life is definitely not about finding an easy pass to life. However, it is about finding strength not from ourselves but from the Creator of the universe. We should see the challenges, the fatigue, and the mysteries as check-points for us as to where our anchor truly is resting. When all seems well, it becomes so easy to forget our human frailty and neediness. But I Peter 1:24 challenges us to see our true dusty composition. We, along with the earthly treasures we idolize so much, fade away so quickly.  We are needy. So needy.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God (Psalm 42:5).

We are so needy, but that’s okay: He is all we need. 

But. Love.

As we pass through the seasons of life, we expect certain revelations from God –truths promised at last explained, answers begged for provided, and prayers met as we sought fit. Even though we repeat to ourselves that His ways are higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9), we still act surprised when He answers in another way, when He brings us the unexpected, or when He sheds light on an issue not searched.

But. Love.

Love is what brings us the outcomes of our prayers, the results of our endurance, and the insight on His nature, even if none are what we had asked or wished for. In His love, He allows every detail. Even the tears. Even the heartache. Even the unexplained. Even the answered questions. Even the waiting. And even the unexpected insight. After all, some say that true love comes when you least expect it.

In our blinded mindsets, it’s easy to place love in a box. To quote one of my favorite songs,

Have you ever seen true love
And do you know what it's made of,
And where it came from?

Or could it be the world has left you blind
And every day you pass it by,
You don't even recognize it.

Recently, God has stretched some of my understandings of love, opening my eyes to some of the everlasting greatness of His love. True love would give anything, expecting nothing in return, expecting neither future nor promise of it. True love fights and endures when nothing makes sense. True love means praying in faith, trusting God’s sovereignty in the unseen. True love is not blind but accepts the mistakes –past, present, and future. True love sees the potential but victoriously endures through the reality. True love knows how to give space, to let go, and to establish boundaries. True love proclaims and lives out the promises of God.

We are lost in a world of chaos, misery, despair, lies, and destruction.

But. Love.

True love came down to save us and awaits for us to claim it personally into our lives. This love is the love of God as displayed through the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus gave everything for us, yet expected nothing in return; in fact, He knew even our greatest songs of worship and acts of service would be but rags (Isaiah 64:6). He fought the temptations of Satan in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11) and endured the torture of the cross. Before His crucifixion, Jesus could be found on His knees, yielding His future to His Sovereign Father (Luke 22:42). When we approach Jesus, He, as God, is far from blind to all the sins we have committed…and will still fall to. Yet, He still comes when we call and promises grace to those who humble themselves before Him (James 4:6). Countless times we fail Him yet He still chooses to use us for the growth of His Kingdom (Mark 16:15). Yes, Jesus even gives us space –He knows only in our free will can we come to truly follow Him. In His holiness, He must establish boundaries –and in His perfection, every word and action of Christ is in accordance to His Word.

Yes. But. Love. Will you choose it? Will you embrace it?
Will you love like He loves?

Through Roses and Thorns

“In the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33).

We have been promised this since day one. When Jesus came to earth to bring to pass the ultimate needed sacrifice for our salvation, He challenged His wanna-be followers that the road would be hard. It wasn’t really a matter of if, but rather when.

It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that our life path should be lined with roses. If you are a dreamer like me, it becomes easy to believe that the other side is greener, that once the goal is reached or the dream is lived, everything will be “just roses.” We writers often glory in the “happy endings” we can bring our stories to at our own whim and in our own timing. I am not advocating an attitude of martyrdom; but while God definitely blesses us beyond our sinful nature deserves, even rose bushes have thorns. Every season of life has its ups and downs, its glories and disappointments, its roses and its thorns.

Amy Carmichael, one of my favorite missionaries who has produced beautiful writing collections of honest and sincere faith before the Lord, challenges us with these words: “The Lord Jesus made it plain from the beginning that there would be trail of many kinds for all who would follow Him, and He Himself led the way in that path. Should we be surprised when we find ourselves following in His footsteps?” No, we should not be surprised. We should be humbled and moved to worship that He would call us to follow Him, even though our greatest works are rags and our best of intentions are tainted by our sinful nature. “He wants us all to understand quite definitely that if we follow in the way of the cross we must be prepared to take up the cross,” Carmichael continues. The way is long and difficult. It’s narrow and can be discouraging. It hurts and attempts to destroy us. Even on sunny days and through rows of roses we find thorns.

But this is where joy steps in. This is where being a follower of Christ comes to light.

When hardships and suffering hit, “you are now in a very good position to prove that gift of joy… [Now] is the time to prove the things we believe. Your whole life now is a proving of His power to enable you to do anything. You will never be able to fear again, I think, after all this.” Amy Carmichael hits it again: hardships only remind us of our existing frailty and incompetence that we so easily forget about when all seems to be going our way with little effort. Hardships remind us of our need of the cross –and serve as reminders to others of the glory and victory that comes only through Jesus Christ. Hardships turn us to the heart of Christ and invigorate us with fearless yet graceful strength that will not run dry. This morning when I read Proverbs 18, verse 10 struck me powerfully: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower” –SIMPLY HIS NAME declares His power and security.

We must come to “glory in our infirmities” (II Corinthians 12:9); we must come to the point where we are grateful for the hardships and challenges; we must welcome the opportunities to make more of His glory and power known. “Looking back, I know I would not have chosen any other [path with thorns] if I could have known when first I began to walk in it what it would mean of His companionship, and also of the power to enter into the griefs of others. It was all worthwhile, ten thousand times worthwhile.” It’s true. Trials draw us closer to Him and teach us things about Him and others that we would never even come close to comprehending without these difficult moments. They teach us to love more and be filled with His heart and mind. They show us His ways and open our eyes to His unseen, broadening our impact for His Kingdom and widening our opportunities to glorify Him.

In closing, let’s look at John 16:33 in its entirety: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” We are not alone.

And through Him, we overcome the world too –even through the roses and thorns.