Seeing. Waiting. Worshiping.

Seeing.
“Open up my eyes to the things unseen…Break my heart for what breaks yours.” So goes an often relied on song for today’s contemporary worship services. God wants us to see the world as He sees it: a group of individual lives all in need of a Savior –in need of salt. Throughout Colossians, Paul reminds his readers of this calling: “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt…” (Col. 4:5-6). Our ministry –the fulfilling of God’s call for us- is everywhere around us. It is where God places us. He may choose to move us at any time, and we must follow, keeping in mind that every role and season is significant and brings Him praise and glory. From translating the Word to another language to fulfilling the gift of motherhood to moving to the next season of life with grace and praise, we are to see our ministry around us –or move to where it is. Every role is necessary in the work of the Lord –and each is just as glorifying to Him if embraced with the right attitude.

Waiting.
A lot of times we see the need before we hear the calling. Especially those eager to embrace the sorrow of the world and attempt to provide the solution must be careful to remember their specific call must come straight from the heart of God. Colossians 4:17 states that this ministry is received…IN THE LORD. One of my friends in foreign missions could not stress enough how important it is to “wait on His call and His leading for ministry,” to quote her exact words. “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the one who brings wicked things to pass” (Psalm 37:7-9). Waiting can be just as glorifying to God as going. God can have us see a need in the world for a variety of reasons and still ask us to wait to serve it. So we must seek Him carefully.

Worshiping.
When Jesus asked Peter to walk on water, Peter’s mistake was to focus on the task rather than the One who had called him. How guilty am I of this… When I walked by the harbor this morning, I was reminded of Peter’s brutal awakening to this struggle so frequent in a believer’s life. In Matthew 14:28-31, Peter begged Jesus to let him come to this place of faith: walking on water right alongside Jesus. Jesus indeed called Peter to this, but then Peter focused on “the wind boisterous”…and was swelled by fear. Whenever we realize the depth and danger of our call, our hearts, minds, and souls should return to and remain in the One we so eagerly rushed to and begged to give us His call initially. We are called to worship –to solely, completely, purely focus on Him alone. As poignantly stated by Oswald Sanders, “Paul could afford to take lightly the comments and criticism of others, for his heart was owned by God.” So should be said about you and me. Our HEARTS are OWNED by our GOD. 

Norfolk Notes

We like to think that we can’t live without something, and as a result, we put restrictions on the will of God for our lives because we don’t think we could be in a certain place or without a specific convenience. I remember beginning to explore this falsehood and its opposing truth almost two years ago now (see December 2012 posts), but God thought it crucial to remind me this morning in a new, refreshing way.

On a business trip to Norfolk, VA, I had a few minutes for some leisure time. Of course, my sense of adventure refused to lock me in my room and encouraged my legs to take my heart to follow its pursuit: exploring the down-town waterside harbor. Engulfing the morning wind and eaves-dropping on the conversation of seagulls, my soul soared, reflecting on the words I had read earlier in the morning: “let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6). That I may KNOW –so much confidence and power in that five letter word! Whatever conversation I would be placed in during this trip, my key to success would be consistently filling myself with His truth and trusting Him to speak for me if I let Him. And the same promise would apply to any future trips.

As I continued to walk along the wooden paneled dock, the fresh air revived me. It’s so easy to become confused and conflicted in this world, its cares, its pressures and expectations, and thus forget the Source of life. My mission here is not to be comfortable or within my limits; and it may not consist of always choosing whom or how I serve. Sure, God places preferences on my heart but I cannot let those dictate where I go. He, and He alone, must lead. And as He leads and I follow, He provides my soul with what it truly needs. If I commit to be fed by Him, He will provide my soul the refreshment it needs. Cities can overwhelm a country spirit like mine; yet Norfolk’s treasures show me that God provides me with what I need to find my solace.

Walking back to my hotel, I realized not only I had found the fresh air my body craved but so my soul had been refreshed too, grown closer to my faithful Leader and providing Creator.

The Story of Us

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated by Esther, the secret Jew turned queen of the Babylonian Empire. Perhaps it was her courage that inspired me, or her commitment to pursuing justice even in the face of great danger –or simply the fact that she was a strong woman in a dark world full of hurt, suffering, and persecution. Recently, I re-read the book of Esther again and was challenged by the deep themes exposed through its plot and the insightful details about the lives, thoughts, and hearts of the different characters of the story.

The recorded events reminded me of today’s world; its characters reflected various people around me; and its concepts challenged my very core. The story of Esther reminded me of me.

The book of Esther is unique because it never mentions the name of God and fails to reveal much, if any, commitment to God by His people, even by the main characters of the story. Rather, we are given insight on very human individuals –people just like you and me. Xerxes is a self-absorbed king, full of passion for his wealth and title; yet he falls in love with a beautiful queen and is willing to give half of his cherished kingdom to her. Haman so loves himself that he is willing to sacrifice honor by plotting to murder his small opposition. We do not know much about Mordecai, but we cannot help but wonder if his request for Esther to hide her Jewish identity was in wise discernment or in fear of men rather than God. Finally, we look at Esther and can call her full of faith or simply committed to her duty to humanity. There are so many ways to look at each of our characters in Esther; and we could argue about their faults and try to place their positive traits on a pedestal. But what we should observe is that they are simply you and me.

What stands out so powerfully in the story of Esther is that coincidences and life choices blend so quickly, forming simply life as we know it too. God’s hand is hidden –yet is still so visibly in control and at work through these seemingly uncontrollable events or attempts at riveting personal actions. Proverbs 21:1 explains that “the king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.” Similarly, Proverbs 19:21 stresses God’s sovereignty as well: “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” It can be difficult to see the hand of God in the life of Esther and those around her, especially when it appears that her entire people group would die. However, God’s promise of the survival of His Jewish people stood even through these challenging times. His plan remained. His ways still triumphed, even if they were hard to see. “God’s methods may vary, but His purposes do not. His workings may be obscured to skeptics by the disguise of coincidence, but the people of God recognize His sovereign hand in the ebb and flow of history. His name is not mentioned, but His influence is unmistakable” (Hill & Walton, p. 351).

Similarly, our lives resemble as those described in the book of Esther. Perhaps we do not face the possible destruction and extinction of our people –but surely we face death, pain, and suffering. Perhaps we do not feel we must deny our family background to be accepted –yet there has at least been one day where your past shamed you or you felt you had to hide what you truly thought. How many of us have denied what we believe? How many of us have hidden behind a title, a degree, a social status, or a position of authority to withhold vulnerability?  

The story of Esther is the story of us. “The thing that makes [Esther] so fascinating is that this is our story…this is a marvelous parallel to what is going on in our own lives” (Stedman, n.p.). None of the characters in Esther were perfect people. Rather, they were all openly flawed, pursuing what they each saw as their highest possession. Yet, the book of Esther also reveals that “God often works quietly behind the scenes to implement His plan. God rescues the Israelites, not because of Esther’s piety, but because saving them is part of His character and His plan, even though at the moment the Jews in Persia are not living obediently. God often works in our lives even when we do not deserve it. God is faithful to His promises and to His plan in spite of us” (Hays & Duvall, p. 249).

The same goes for us and for our story. The hand of God is often hidden, especially if we are not asking Him to reveal it to us. But He is still at work. He is sovereign, even through death, sickness, our doubts, our mistakes, and our shortcomings. “God can accomplish His purposes just as easily through ‘coincidences’ as He can through grand miracles of deliverance. Though He works behind the curtain, He is just as much in control. Events that others see as chance or fate, can be seen by believers as signs of God’s sovereignty” (Hill & Walton, p. 347).

A couple days ago I promised to answer the question of WHO is in control.
Perhaps, I have now. 

The Falsehood of Control

It’s fun to control –or, at least, it can be satisfying to THINK we control. At times, we may find comfort in this assumption or may seek our purpose in it. Only temporary peace resides, though, with this quickly fleeting role.

Recently, a young woman chose to take her life to avoid the suffering that was accompanying her slow surrender to a brain tumor. Often coined by the media a heroic act to die with dignity, her death caused uproar in a United States battling a cultural and moral war for years now. Did Brittany Maynard not have the right to die and hold the choice for her timing of death in her hands? This question ran its course, from churches to bars and from social media to philosophical debacles.

What the debate seemed to forget was that Brittany Maynard’s act is not so foreign from any of our daily actions, words, and thoughts. Every day, we try to begin or end things for which we do not really own the authority to command in the first place. Even in our places of rightful leadership, we tend to forget our positions are only temporary and allowed by the Sovereign God of the universe to use for HIS glory and purposes. How often do we abuse what He has entrusted us with? 

We can criticize Brittany Maynard all day long for her very human choice, but if we were to look more closely and with more humility, whom would we really see in her decision? Ourselves –yes, simply, purely ourselves.

Who, then, is really in control?

I will let you ponder the answer until my next post…

You Can Have All This World

In the past couple months or so, God has completely transformed my perspective on my life. Or, rather, He has been working on this for a while –I just have now come to realize it.

Life –what is life?

Knowing the answer to that question is essential to our successful development and pursuits; but how quickly do we attempt to summarize it or produce our own version of repeated fluff?

For some, life is an adventure or a journey. Thousands through the ages find its answers in parties or work or esteem. Others found purpose in family or singleness. All have attempted to define it somehow.

Life is but a vapor, the Bible states (James 4:14), and all of us would be quick to agree. A timeless country song even challenges its listeners through its analogy “Don’t Blink” –because life slips through our hands. One heartbeat, one breath –one blink- can change everything you ever knew in an instant. Though we make plans and should be prepared for the future, we are not promised tomorrow (Proverbs 27:1). All of us have seen life flash by our eyes, with friends and loved ones stolen from us too quickly by death’s snatch.

Here I am almost finished with my graduate degree, and I have no idea what is coming next. The entire world is before me –while at the same time, maybe just a lonely mountain with a forgotten people could be my next abode. I have had so many questions, yet God has only repeated His century-old truth: “to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21). Life is not about my will above all but rather about the triumph of His work: to know Him more and more day by day and to make Him known.

So now I must live with His entrusted truth: I must live TODAY fully with eternity in mind. I must live, laugh, love –TODAY. Today is all I have at this moment, and I must choose wisely how I will spend it in order to reflect my utmost purpose: to know Him and make Him known –TODAY. Coincidences become opportunities to grow in Him or to share His glory; life is no longer a solo adventure but a committed journey besides the Savior of my heart, mind, and soul. 

From the Blind

Pirate is a horse with only one eye. Yet, his trust towards his rider baffles me. Embracing adventures across the fields and woods, Pirate walks, trots, and canters with energy and enthusiasm. He is unafraid of the unseen but presses on with a seeming joy and carefreeness that often many other horses don’t exhibit. Oh, if only he knew what he teaches me…

I used to think that by age 23, I would have everything figured out. There is nothing more false than that childhood fantasy! In fact, it seems that my questions have only increased, my insecurities have only become more revealed, my lack of adequacy only more present, and my unknown future has turned into an understatement. But if I focus on what I do not know, I can only find discouragement and frustration. If I focus on dreams and on imagination, I will only find insignificance.

“Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”[1]

No, I cannot focus on these things I lack, the prayers answered with “wait” or “no,” the thorns never removed, or even the dreams that may or may not come to pass, and the future I think I desire. These thoughts only become little gods that displace my Sovereign Lord from His rule in my life and His work through me. I can only focus on the gifts that He has given me today, knowing that these little steps are mine to take for His Kingdom. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand” (Proverbs 19:21).

You see, you and I have it all wrong. It’s so easy to believe that this life is about us, about our castles in sands, about our dreams and goals coming to pass, about seeing fruits to our labor, and about our little worlds. Yes, God does choose to use our work –but He could still accomplish His plan without us. All He needs to do is speak, and that which He commanded comes to pass. “So shall My word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).

Rather, what He desires most is for me to know Him more, for me to want Him more, and for me to glorify Him more through this growing relationship with Him. It’s not about rules and laws followed or the number of other souls I reach but about my heart truly loving Him. “For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:16-17). Part of wanting Christ more, loving Him more, and glorifying Him more is learning to trust Him more and more, day by day –even in the dark, in the questions, in the pain, in the battles, in the struggles, in the failures, in the long hours of work. Just like Pirate, I need to embrace God’s adventures for me across the fields and woods of life, as He opens and closes the doors, one at a time, or a thousand all at once. In His strength and the confidence He gives me, I can go any speed He needs me to through the various seasons of my journey here –with energy and enthusiasm straight from His heart. I can be unafraid of the unseen and press on with true, secure joy and carefreeness…and watch Him use me to teach others about His truths.

“Eyes On You” –Shane & Shane

I don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
You say that I can hear Your voice
So I am listening

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

I still don't know which way to go
But my eyes are on You
I still don't know which way to turn
But my ears are to the ground
As long as You are lifted up
I don't have to understand

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

The battle is the Lord's
So I'll walk towards You in the dark
Cause I know that in the end we win
So I'm all in
Lead me I'm Yours

All I know is that I believe
It's not with my eyes that I can see
I'm a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me
There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

There's a vision now in another eye
You've given sight to a man inside;
Of a blind man fighting the world
Swinging back at me

---

[1] From “Be Thou My Vision”

Grateful for this Season

I have always been captivated by the riveting story of Esther: her story of survival and courage in a culture that despised all she held dear is commendable…and a chilling reminder that we are only a breath away from having to face some of the same decisions and consequences in our lives, whether we realize it or not, or whether we believe that they have the same consequences that Esther’s did. In the last few days, I began a more in-depth study of this book through a plan that selects very few verses at a time and links them to a verse in another book. Since the plan offers no hints to their correlation, I, in my go-getter mind, have more than enjoyed the challenge.

On the beginning day, the first pair intrigued me: how could Esther 1:1-4 be linked to Matthew 6:9-21? The Lord began to draw the lines between the dots for me, leaving me in awe at the deepness of the Scriptures once unseen to me. As I continued into the study, the theme of idolatry began to stand out.

It’s easy to believe that idolatry only involves the worship of stone or wooden sculptures. It is easy to believe that we are not breaking one of God’s highest commandments.

Yet, idolatry comes in much more subtle forms too. It creeps in when we are not paying attention, stunting our growth in the Lord, robbing our full attention from His gaze, and warping our passions into our self-glorification. I don’t know where King Xerxes’s idolatry began –perhaps it was in self-absorption, or in his riches and possessions, or in making his genealogy proud. But by the time of his life displayed in Esther 1, it has become so prevalent. Portrayed as a man consumed with his well-being, his welfare before the people, and his riches, Xerxes appears to have it all –including the power to deem what is right or wrong. In fact, at his week-long party, he encourages his guests to do anything they please (v. 10 –strangely reminiscent of Judges 17:6 and 21:25).

But idolatry weakens our hearts, minds, and souls and opens the doors to other sins too. Once we remove God from all or specific parts of our lives, things start to fall apart. When I consider some of my biggest mistakes and failures, I realize that it was when God was no longer my priority: spending time in His Word was on the back-burner, praying was a mumbled last-minute guilt-trip, and accountability with other believers was inexistent.

Xerxes’ life follows this trend: his idolatry opened the door to so much distress. In verses 9-18, the king loses any form of discernment or self-control. Not only does Xerxes lack the discernment to see what calling for Vashti could do to compromise her honorable identity as queen, but he also exhibits strong lack of self-control in her stand against him: instead of quietly dismissing the matter or recognizing his error, he becomes enraged before turning to warped advice: leaving Vashti unpunished will result in national chaos. We know what then happens to Vashti…she is divorced and replaced.

Idolatry has consequences –on us and on other people.

Idolatry can come in the most subtle manners, and as I reflect on decisions for my future, I am so thankful that God has moved me to start recognizing idolatry, its dangers, and its hindering consequences. Putting God first-place is definitely not an easy choice. BUT IT IS WORTH IT. I am so glad He chastens me and removes things from my life because He loves me too much to allow me lesser things, including a distorted relationship with Him. Psalm 73 was quoted in a sermon I heard on Sunday, so I looked more at the context: the Psalmist was devastated by the seeming victories of evil doers –and felt worthless before God in light of his own failures. Yet, he was able to find hope in God and His grace. Truly walking by faith comes to a whole new level when you realize your relationship with Jesus is the only thing you have that will last forever –nothing else is everlasting: not your possessions, not your relationships, not your popularity, nor your health or success.  

Sometimes, God allows pain so that it will draw us closer to Him. He allows punishment for us, His sons and daughters through the blood of Christ. He closes doors when we don’t have the strength to do so ourselves. Even when evil seems to prosper and causes us to be envious of its prosperity, we must remember its victories are NOT forever. Our GOD is enough.

In closing, I must summarize thoughts I heard in a sermon on the radio this evening. Paul went through similar seasons in life as we did, except perhaps on a much more pronounced level at times. In II Cor. 12, he explains that God had granted him a special revelation…but had also allowed a “thorn in the flesh” to keep Paul humble –and boastful only in Christ. This attitude is how we should view our pain, our trials, and our challenges in our lives: opportunities to stay humble, to removes our forming idols, and to only glorify our LORD. “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (v. 10). Each time I go through trial or pain, it seems that it only reaches deeper into my soul, affects me more strongly, or challenges my faith like never before –but I know it also strengthens me as I never dreamed and trains my human eyes to see His unseen and to become closer to His heart. As the radio preacher stated so powerfully, “The pain keeps you humble and His strength brings victory despite it.” As difficult as it is to admit or type this, I know I must be GRATEFUL for these seasons of pain, trial, unknown, and endurance –because they are also seasons of growth in my Savior.